Lice, Cockroaches and Other Critters

September 24th 2016

I don't usually write on Saturdays but I didn't post yesterday. I was driving into Ottawa to meet a lady who wanted to purchase my books. By the time I got home, it was time to prepare my daughters for their sleepover party. I thought I would write after dropping them off but my husband was done work early so we went out for cocktails and then watched a documentary. I woke up during the night and realized I had not posted. Oops! I realize it doesn't matter, few people even read this blog but I made a commitment to myself to write every weekday and I like to keep my promises even if they are only to myself.

As I mentioned, my daughters were going to a birthday sleepover party on the weekend. This used to be festive but, not anymore, at least not for me. You see, we had loads of play dates and sleepovers over the summer until one day, one of my eldest daughter's friends told her she had lice. Her mother had not warned me and I spent the next several days inspecting my daughters' heads and feeling itchy all over (psychosomatic). I thought we were safe until one morning, right after my husband had gone away for the weekend. I was talking to my eldest daughter and I saw movement in her hair. I freaked out, I shouldn't have but I did. I started inspecting her head and saw lice. I didn't know what they look like. They are thin and brown with little legs that wiggle and, they move fast. They feed on your blood so you find them close to the scalp. I was so grossed out! I proceeded to comb through her hair and remove everything I could see. She had three but there were eggs, little white balls close to the scalp. I panicked. I removed the bedding from all of our beds, stuffies and dolls. I wondered why my daughters have so many blankets on their beds. I vowed to downsize the blankets.

I checked my youngest daughter. She had tiny baby ones, only a few. The pharmacy was closed because it was a special day, can't recall what the holiday was but it wasn't open. I googled remedies and coated all of our hair with a mix of 1/4 cup of olive oil and 20 drops of tea tree oil. I put shower caps on our heads to really intensify the scent and strength of the oil and smother them. My youngest who loves nature loved the lice and wanted to keep them in a jar as a pet. I tried really hard not to roll my eyes and grimace. I explained that they couldn't survive without blood so they would just die. It took forever to get through the laundry because I had the washer set to sanitize and it takes nearly 2 hours for the machine to complete the cycle. As I inspected their he'd each day to ensure I hadn't missed anything, my daughters grew weary of this routine and it became a drag. By the time my husband returned from his trip, we were all lice free and I was exhausted. The next morning, he asked me to make him some eggs and I nearly struck him. He had just returned from a fantastic trip and was feeling energized. I was exhausted and miserable from the whole lice adventure. Needless to say, he made his own eggs that morning.

When the school semester started, my eldest mentioned that her friend had a bunch of white dots in her hair. Then she admitted that she had used her hair elastic because they were giving each other hairstyles. She told me this because her head had started to itch. I started checking their heads again, worried that we would have to start over, they were ok. Hooray! However, as the sleepover date approached, I felt less than enthusiastic about the possibility of contamination. It's not just careless fun anymore.

This morning, I saw a Facebook post about cockroaches in some schools in Ottawa. The post suggested parents search their children's back packs for cockroaches. What? One more critter to be wary of. I can't even imagine how disgusting it would feel to dig into their bags and have one in my hands. I am not one of those women who refuses to touch bugs or screams when she sees spiders. I was never germaphobe but I am a different person now. I notice when a child scratches her head or has white dots in her hair, I can't help it.

Here is what I now know that I didn't know before this experience:

1-Life will only survive as long as there is a blood supply to feed on
2-The chemicals kill the lice but not the eggs
3-Olive oil and tea tree destroys everything
4-You need a thin comb (a nit comb is suggested but I just used the thin end of a comb and it worked)
5-You don't need to sanitize everything, just put the linens and stuffed animals in a garbage bag and wait 48 hours, the lice will die, then you can clean in the wash as you would normally
6-You have to pull the eggs off the hair, they won't just fall off, they stick to the hair
7-Your kids need to stop sharing stuffed animals, headbands, elastics, hoodies, anything that could contaminate them and others
8-Have play dates, not sleepovers. You never know who has lice and doesn't know it yet, they can give it to everyone else. It is transmitted when kids share a bed, stuffie or bedding.

I hope my rant and tips can help a poor parent out there, going through this for the first time.

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org

Unhealthy Relationships

March 16th, 2016

Today, I'd like to talk about unhealthy relationships. We hear certain key words: domestic violence or abusive relationship. We imagine a woman being beaten by her drunken husband. She is afraid but she stays with him and we judge her. Why doesn't she leave? Judgment takes away our fear. It protects us from the reality that it could be any one of us. By asking why "they" stay, we create a wall between "them" and "us".

The fact is many women are in unhealthy relationships. Some know their relationship is unhealthy and they seek help or create a plan to leave. However, many women hide this wisdom from themselves and everyone else. An unhealthy relationship is any relationship that makes you feel poorly about yourself, that creates separation between you and your support system and instills fear about your safety or the well-being of your children.

You are attracted to a man. He is really into you. He wants to be with you all the time. When you are apart, he texts you or calls you. If you don't respond right away, he is disappointed. If you are unable to meet with him because you have plans with friends or family, he makes you feel guilty. He had something special planned. He may tell you that he is uncomfortable around your friends or your family. You spend more time with him and try to squeeze your friends and family in when you are not with him because you know he doesn't feel comfortable around them. He just wants to be alone with you. You turn down invitations until no one bothers to call you. Your loved ones don't like him but they just don't "get" him the way you do. You love him and he is carry about you.

Once you are hooked on him and isolated from your friends and family, your boyfriend gets more demanding, more moody. He has a tremper. When you disagree with him or won't do what he wants, he gets angry. You find yourself doing things you don't want to appease him. This could include having sex. You also keep information from him to protect yourself from his outburst like the fact that you met with a friend for coffee. He doesn't like that friend and wouldn't approve of you seeing her. Drinking makes his anger worst but he shows no sign of abstaining from alcohol. You may realize that you are in danger. Who do you turn to? You have alienated your friends and family. They were right but you are not ready to admit to this just yet. There are times when he is just so sweet. You have a great time. These peaks are just enough to keep you involved. You tell yourself it's not so bad. This may escalate to physical violence or it may never come to that.

There are things you do that he notices and he shares his observations with you, for your own good. The way you hold your cup of coffee or the sound of your voice, the way you dance, the clothes you wear, little details that make you who you are. He points out what you should work on and make you feel ashamed. This may be worst when he is around his friends. He may correct you in front of them or comment one something that he knows makes you feel vulnerable. All of this attention on you, keeps you from noticing things about him. They create doubt in your concept of yourself. You forget what it was like to feel confident in who you were and to expect love from those around you. This is his super power. After a while you don't even notice the unhealthy behaviors. You are used to hiding and pretending, avoiding his outbursts when you can, making excuses for him along the way.

If someone you love is in this kind of relationship, the best thing you can do is be loving and supportive of them. If you get angry and try to convince her that he is no good, she will hide his behaviors from you and shut you out. If you behave in loving ways toward her she will start to notice the drastic difference between the way she feels when she is around you and when she is with him. She will remember that she has a choice, that it can be better, that she was someone and had a life before this person. She will choose someone who loves her too. It won't happen all at once, it will sink in over time. Don't judge, don't preach or give advice. Just keep loving her. It is your super power.

Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org