December 2nd, 2016
I have been rummaging through magazines to find an article I read last week. We get these free magazines and, for whatever reason, I can't seem to find this article. The topic of the article was a new pill for women. It was compared to viagra for men. Instead of promising erections, this pill attempted to increase libido in women. Apparently, lots of women don't want to have sex. However, if we consider the popularity of Fifty Shades of Grey, I would think it's more about having good sex.
I read the statistics regarding the effectiveness of this drug. Not only did it not work on just less than 50% of the women but it wasn't a pill you pop on the day itself, you have to take it daily. Really? You take a pill every day so that on a given day you may feel like having sex with your partner?
Women's libido is connected to their associations with sexuality. Are they anticipating satisfaction or disappointment? Are they expecting to receive or only give? Does their partner desire them? Do they feel excited by their partner? Do they enjoy an intimate relationship? Will they take their time or rush through it in order to watch their favourite show?
Why don't we check out the cause of women's lack of libido? If you never feel in the mood, there could be an underlying physical cause such as a change in hormones, vaginal dryness or fatigue. However, if you fantasize about sex with other men, chances are you just need to work on igniting the passion in your relationship. How do you do that?
1-Are you pissed off or feeling neglected? Talk about it. Get it out in the open. Once the issue is resolved, you can partake in make-up sex.
2-Do you know what turns you on? If you haven't found your sweet spots and you avoid looking at or exploring your anatomy below the belt, a tour is long overdue. Use a mirror to look at your genitals. Experiment with different touches and see what turns you on. Are you clitoral or vaginal? Get yourself some toys if you'd like. Once you know what sets you off, you can share this information with your partner.
3-Stimulate your imagination. Sometimes, people get bored with each other. Have sex in different locations, at unusual times, role-play, pretend it's your first time, dress-up, read erotic poetry to each other or tell each other what you are about to do tin order o create anticipation. If you like food, include it in your ritual.
I firmly believe that most women don't need a pill to increase their libido. They need to be seduced, desired and followed by foreplay. Taking a pill to desire an act that is not enjoyable doesn't increase libido, just frustration.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Showing posts with label tips. Show all posts
Showing posts with label tips. Show all posts
Friday, 2 December 2016
Monday, 5 September 2016
Back to School Jitters
September 5th, 2016
My daughters are partying today. They know that, as of tomorrow morning, their lives will change. Every day, we have the talk about homeschooling. "Why can't you just homeschool us?" they ask. Of course, in their minds, homeschooling would be just like summer holidays-the beach, trampoline, pets dolls, play dates, ice cream, parks, swimming and biking. When I explain that homeschooling means they would be studying the same topics as in school minus their friends, they get more contemplative and quiet.
This is a stressful time of the year for many parents and their children. Some children love school and count down the days. However, for many children, the anxiety of not knowing who will be in their class or who their home room teacher will be leads to worrying and sleepless nights.
I know that, as I type this, loads of parents are preparing to bring their 4 year olds to school for the first time. There will be nerves, tears, maybe guilt and that sinking feeling of emptiness once the child is officially in school.
As a former College Professor, I have seen the same anxiety play out with parents who are driving their young adult children to dorms out of town. They are super organized and very busy unpacking and walking around campus with their son or daughter to get them acquainted with the cafeteria, computer room, classrooms and financial aid office. Then, the dreaded moment arrives, the departure. The tension that has been pent up and hidden for the most part bursts opens like a dam. If you see a middle-aged couple sitting at a Tim's, cradling their cups, looking out the window with that far away gaze, you can bet they have just dropped off their college student.
Parents of teens have their own anxieties. Their teens will undoubtedly know many of the students in their grade but this is a new building. There is the knowledge that these teens are heading into a time of their life where parents are less able to shield and protect them. They will have many important choices to make and their future can be altered depending on those choices. Will they hang out with the "good" crowd of kids or the trouble makers? Will they spend their spare time studying or working on assignments or grabbing some lunch with friends and skipping a few classes? When they are out with their friends, will they be offered smokes, alcohol or drugs? Will they accept or decline the offers? When will they have sex? Will they bother to use contraceptives?
When I was starting my first year in University, a friend of my mom gave me great advice. She said: "Everyone is nervous, they are all feeling the same as you so reach out to them and they will be grateful to have someone to talk to". My first class was an elective German class. I looked around. No one was talking. I turned to the person next to me and started a conversation. The students around us were all listening to our conversation and I made eye contact to include as many as I could. I am a super shy person but her advice gave me the confidence to initiate conversations because I felt like I was helping put others at ease. I forgot about my own fears and anxieties. Thanks Beth!
So, whether your child is returning to elementary school, high school, College or University, there are things you can do to help him/her adjust and, to keep yourself from having a cardiac arrest.
Young child starting Junior Kindergarten:
If your child has not been in daycare, going to play groups is a great way to acquaint them with some of the elements of school such as carpet time, putting shoes and coats away in a cubby, eating out of a lunch kit etc. For children who have never been apart from parents, you may want to try out short programs like gymnastics, art classes, swimming or some kind of experience where they must transfer their trust and attachment to another adult. This teaches them that they can be safe and happy away from you. You can practise writing their name, learning their address and phone number and reciting the alphabet so these notions are familiar to them. Show them all their school supplies. Do they know how to open everything? This helps them feel independent. Can they put on and remove their velcro sneakers on their own? Are they able to take off their coat? It's a good idea to visit the classroom prior to the first day of school, meet the teacher and get acquainted with the layout-where to put shoes, location of desk, place on carpet etc. Talking about what to expect is also beneficial. On the first morning of school, providing a filling breakfast, speaking positively about starting school and having a clean cut off point are all helpful. I waited too long with my youngest. I was standing outside the school yard and when the time came to go into class, my daughter ran to the fence and tried to climb it. The teacher had to pull her off the fence and carry her off. It hurt so bad, I cried all morning. It would have been easier if I went with her to meet the teacher then kissed her, wished her a good first day of school and walked to my car. I just couldn't do it.
Teenagers:
Depending on your relationship with your teen and their personality, you could go out somewhere special and talk about their feelings re: their transition to high school. Visiting the school ahead of time is also a good idea as they know where to go on the first day when the halls are crowded. Meeting the teachers, if possible, is an excellent start. Having a great dialogue with your teen means he or she will be able to discuss issues with you as they come up. Planning to meet up with friends and walk to school together can go a long way toward reducing anxiety about being alone or self-conscious. Welcoming their friends into your home will increase your connection to your teen's friends. You will hear your teen speak freely about fears. It also gives you an opportunity to troubleshoot with them as a group. Being available to talk about the first day after school in a casual way-going for a walk or drive or, while preparing a meal, allows your teen to talk without having to look at you directly. My best conversations with teens in my theatre program was often as we were walking to class not when they sat across from me at the office.
Young Adults:
If your child is off to College or University, you want to make sure you have provided some basic every day living skills. They can cook a few meals, they know how to do their own laundry, they have a budget and know how to manage it, they are acquainted with the buses that can take them to important locations and have a meal plan. Again, visiting the campus, meeting faculty and touring facilities ahead of time makes everything more familiar once your son or daughter moves to the new city. You'll want to explore the city together and find places your child can go-library, coffeehouse, grocery store, bank, movie theatre etc. Letting your son or daughter know that you are just a phone call away and that you love them no matter what will empower them to make good choices while they are away. Troubleshooting is also beneficial. What if they go to a party with someone and that person has too much to drink? If they can't call you because you are out of town, what could they do to get home safely? The more organized they are prior to the first day and the more life skills you have given them, the easier the adjustment.
What about the parents after the child is in school? Empty nesters often feel depressed, lost, sad and confused once the children are in school. Plan something fun for that first day. Go and see a movie, meet a friend for coffee, buy a good book and plan to start it in a warm bath. If you are a stay-at-home parent and your days feel empty without your children, consider volunteering somewhere or working part-time or start a new hobby.
Whatever the circumstances, you are not alone. Talk to people about your feelings and you will hear their stories as well. You may even make a good friend. Good luck to all the parents tomorrow.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
My daughters are partying today. They know that, as of tomorrow morning, their lives will change. Every day, we have the talk about homeschooling. "Why can't you just homeschool us?" they ask. Of course, in their minds, homeschooling would be just like summer holidays-the beach, trampoline, pets dolls, play dates, ice cream, parks, swimming and biking. When I explain that homeschooling means they would be studying the same topics as in school minus their friends, they get more contemplative and quiet.
This is a stressful time of the year for many parents and their children. Some children love school and count down the days. However, for many children, the anxiety of not knowing who will be in their class or who their home room teacher will be leads to worrying and sleepless nights.
I know that, as I type this, loads of parents are preparing to bring their 4 year olds to school for the first time. There will be nerves, tears, maybe guilt and that sinking feeling of emptiness once the child is officially in school.
As a former College Professor, I have seen the same anxiety play out with parents who are driving their young adult children to dorms out of town. They are super organized and very busy unpacking and walking around campus with their son or daughter to get them acquainted with the cafeteria, computer room, classrooms and financial aid office. Then, the dreaded moment arrives, the departure. The tension that has been pent up and hidden for the most part bursts opens like a dam. If you see a middle-aged couple sitting at a Tim's, cradling their cups, looking out the window with that far away gaze, you can bet they have just dropped off their college student.
Parents of teens have their own anxieties. Their teens will undoubtedly know many of the students in their grade but this is a new building. There is the knowledge that these teens are heading into a time of their life where parents are less able to shield and protect them. They will have many important choices to make and their future can be altered depending on those choices. Will they hang out with the "good" crowd of kids or the trouble makers? Will they spend their spare time studying or working on assignments or grabbing some lunch with friends and skipping a few classes? When they are out with their friends, will they be offered smokes, alcohol or drugs? Will they accept or decline the offers? When will they have sex? Will they bother to use contraceptives?
When I was starting my first year in University, a friend of my mom gave me great advice. She said: "Everyone is nervous, they are all feeling the same as you so reach out to them and they will be grateful to have someone to talk to". My first class was an elective German class. I looked around. No one was talking. I turned to the person next to me and started a conversation. The students around us were all listening to our conversation and I made eye contact to include as many as I could. I am a super shy person but her advice gave me the confidence to initiate conversations because I felt like I was helping put others at ease. I forgot about my own fears and anxieties. Thanks Beth!
So, whether your child is returning to elementary school, high school, College or University, there are things you can do to help him/her adjust and, to keep yourself from having a cardiac arrest.
Young child starting Junior Kindergarten:
If your child has not been in daycare, going to play groups is a great way to acquaint them with some of the elements of school such as carpet time, putting shoes and coats away in a cubby, eating out of a lunch kit etc. For children who have never been apart from parents, you may want to try out short programs like gymnastics, art classes, swimming or some kind of experience where they must transfer their trust and attachment to another adult. This teaches them that they can be safe and happy away from you. You can practise writing their name, learning their address and phone number and reciting the alphabet so these notions are familiar to them. Show them all their school supplies. Do they know how to open everything? This helps them feel independent. Can they put on and remove their velcro sneakers on their own? Are they able to take off their coat? It's a good idea to visit the classroom prior to the first day of school, meet the teacher and get acquainted with the layout-where to put shoes, location of desk, place on carpet etc. Talking about what to expect is also beneficial. On the first morning of school, providing a filling breakfast, speaking positively about starting school and having a clean cut off point are all helpful. I waited too long with my youngest. I was standing outside the school yard and when the time came to go into class, my daughter ran to the fence and tried to climb it. The teacher had to pull her off the fence and carry her off. It hurt so bad, I cried all morning. It would have been easier if I went with her to meet the teacher then kissed her, wished her a good first day of school and walked to my car. I just couldn't do it.
Teenagers:
Depending on your relationship with your teen and their personality, you could go out somewhere special and talk about their feelings re: their transition to high school. Visiting the school ahead of time is also a good idea as they know where to go on the first day when the halls are crowded. Meeting the teachers, if possible, is an excellent start. Having a great dialogue with your teen means he or she will be able to discuss issues with you as they come up. Planning to meet up with friends and walk to school together can go a long way toward reducing anxiety about being alone or self-conscious. Welcoming their friends into your home will increase your connection to your teen's friends. You will hear your teen speak freely about fears. It also gives you an opportunity to troubleshoot with them as a group. Being available to talk about the first day after school in a casual way-going for a walk or drive or, while preparing a meal, allows your teen to talk without having to look at you directly. My best conversations with teens in my theatre program was often as we were walking to class not when they sat across from me at the office.
Young Adults:
If your child is off to College or University, you want to make sure you have provided some basic every day living skills. They can cook a few meals, they know how to do their own laundry, they have a budget and know how to manage it, they are acquainted with the buses that can take them to important locations and have a meal plan. Again, visiting the campus, meeting faculty and touring facilities ahead of time makes everything more familiar once your son or daughter moves to the new city. You'll want to explore the city together and find places your child can go-library, coffeehouse, grocery store, bank, movie theatre etc. Letting your son or daughter know that you are just a phone call away and that you love them no matter what will empower them to make good choices while they are away. Troubleshooting is also beneficial. What if they go to a party with someone and that person has too much to drink? If they can't call you because you are out of town, what could they do to get home safely? The more organized they are prior to the first day and the more life skills you have given them, the easier the adjustment.
What about the parents after the child is in school? Empty nesters often feel depressed, lost, sad and confused once the children are in school. Plan something fun for that first day. Go and see a movie, meet a friend for coffee, buy a good book and plan to start it in a warm bath. If you are a stay-at-home parent and your days feel empty without your children, consider volunteering somewhere or working part-time or start a new hobby.
Whatever the circumstances, you are not alone. Talk to people about your feelings and you will hear their stories as well. You may even make a good friend. Good luck to all the parents tomorrow.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Tuesday, 28 June 2016
Book 0f the Week-TED Talks: The Official TED Guide to Public Speaking
June 28th, 2016
I came across the new book put out by Chris Anderson a few weeks ago at the Kemptville Public Library. I was intrigued. The book provides great tips for people who'd like to try public speaking. The more I learned from this book, the more I could see how these same tips could be applied to writing a book as well.
The most challenging part of any speech is choosing a topic. You need to have a clear focus for your speech, something that an audience will find interesting. Chris encourages you to think about what makes you unique, that only you could share.
Once you have your intention, you need to find a structure to present this idea to the world. This depends on who you are speaking to and for how long. Chris describes a speech as a journey so you take the audience through steps from presenting your idea to how it applies to their lives, showing them why it matters to them.
Since TED talks last 18 minutes, the presenter must hook the audience, keep them curious and share information that teaches them something they didn't know-gifting them with new insight.
The book shares great tools on how to deliver a successful speech. It shows you how to connect to the audience so they see a human being speaking to them, someone who is fully present and engaged. Then we are taught about the power of storytelling to bring the audience into our world. Next comes the importance of explaining our idea in clear language-taking baby steps as we open their minds to new concepts. Chris also reveals tricks to persuade an audience to see things differently without coercion. He explains that we can engage them to come to the same conclusion as us through their very own "detective" work.
There is a great deal of practical advice throughout this book, from what to wear, whether to stand or sit and, the decision to use of visuals and technology or leave them out. An entire chapter is devoted to whether you should write out and memorize your speech or speak without notes. I find that it's best for me if I talk out loud about my idea first. Then I write the main concepts on a post-it and I try to create my speech around those points. Once I have a good flow from one concept to the next, I can rehearse it anywhere without my notes: in the shower, while I drive, as I cook supper etc. It becomes natural. If I have notes written down, I keep looking at my notes, I can never figure out where I am in the page and I tend to lose the intonation in my voice, not good.
If you are nervous about public speaking, as many people are, there is advice on ways to conquer your nerves and deliver a winning speech. The book teaches you how to start your speech, how to end it and ways to be innovative. The last chapter is philosophical. It urges us to share our story because we learn from one another and become better collectively as a result. If you plan to try public speaking, this book is an absolute gem. I have started writing out an 18 minute speech on the importance of prosocial education in our public education system. You never know. If you had 18 minutes to deliver a meaningful speech to impact a large audience what would it be?
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
I came across the new book put out by Chris Anderson a few weeks ago at the Kemptville Public Library. I was intrigued. The book provides great tips for people who'd like to try public speaking. The more I learned from this book, the more I could see how these same tips could be applied to writing a book as well.
The most challenging part of any speech is choosing a topic. You need to have a clear focus for your speech, something that an audience will find interesting. Chris encourages you to think about what makes you unique, that only you could share.
Once you have your intention, you need to find a structure to present this idea to the world. This depends on who you are speaking to and for how long. Chris describes a speech as a journey so you take the audience through steps from presenting your idea to how it applies to their lives, showing them why it matters to them.
Since TED talks last 18 minutes, the presenter must hook the audience, keep them curious and share information that teaches them something they didn't know-gifting them with new insight.
The book shares great tools on how to deliver a successful speech. It shows you how to connect to the audience so they see a human being speaking to them, someone who is fully present and engaged. Then we are taught about the power of storytelling to bring the audience into our world. Next comes the importance of explaining our idea in clear language-taking baby steps as we open their minds to new concepts. Chris also reveals tricks to persuade an audience to see things differently without coercion. He explains that we can engage them to come to the same conclusion as us through their very own "detective" work.
There is a great deal of practical advice throughout this book, from what to wear, whether to stand or sit and, the decision to use of visuals and technology or leave them out. An entire chapter is devoted to whether you should write out and memorize your speech or speak without notes. I find that it's best for me if I talk out loud about my idea first. Then I write the main concepts on a post-it and I try to create my speech around those points. Once I have a good flow from one concept to the next, I can rehearse it anywhere without my notes: in the shower, while I drive, as I cook supper etc. It becomes natural. If I have notes written down, I keep looking at my notes, I can never figure out where I am in the page and I tend to lose the intonation in my voice, not good.
If you are nervous about public speaking, as many people are, there is advice on ways to conquer your nerves and deliver a winning speech. The book teaches you how to start your speech, how to end it and ways to be innovative. The last chapter is philosophical. It urges us to share our story because we learn from one another and become better collectively as a result. If you plan to try public speaking, this book is an absolute gem. I have started writing out an 18 minute speech on the importance of prosocial education in our public education system. You never know. If you had 18 minutes to deliver a meaningful speech to impact a large audience what would it be?
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Tuesday, 16 February 2016
Anxiety
February 16th, 2016
Anxiety is on the rise, among men and women and, noticeably, in children and teenagers. I meet with many women who suffer from crippling levels of anxiety but their loved ones have no idea. They hide their anxiety or numb it with pills and alcohol. They think there is something wrong with them. "Why am I so anxious? I've always been the strong one. What is wrong with me?"
Each person perceives the anxiety to be a personal weakness. They guard this secret and cover it up. The thing is, it's normal to feel anxious. That is, when you are living in a fast-paced, demanding world, multi-tasking and over-scheduling yourself, it is normal to feel anxiety. As adults, we have become accustomed to drinking caffeine in order to keep functioning. We feel tired at the end of the day, rightfully so, but our work isn't over, we still need to prepare for the next day or finish a report.
Children don't have caffeine. They try to keep up with our pace, hurrying into the car, eating on the road, going from swim class to hockey. As they rush around, they feel stressed. They may experience anxiety about getting through homework, managing their many activities, witnessing conflicts between their parents or fighting with siblings. They are also bombarded by images and messages in the media. As they spend time surfing the internet alone, they are exposed to content that is not age-appropriate. They see skinny models and think that is what they are supposed to look like. They start trying to look older. They watch teenager sitcoms and think that is how teenagers are supposed to behave. They try out obnoxious behaviours prematurely in order to feel grown up and fit in. When the pressures accumulate, children and teenagers lash out in anger or in tears. They are overwhelmed.
When I visit classrooms to discuss mental health and stress management, I hear about the various stressors faced by today's children. They are expected to sit in class for hours at a time and learn. However, they may be hungry, stressed, scared or tired. To make things worse, they may not have any adults in their lives to support them and teach them how to deal with their stress. They feel alone. Some schools teach tips to handle their stress and emotions but it is not a priority, it may be one special class or a week of information.
If children look at their parents to learn how to manage stress, they may not be much further ahead. Many of us are overwhelmed as well. We are busy and exhausted, trying to juggle all responsibilities. We may lash out at our children in frustration or from there exhaustion. So what can we do?
1-Prioritize the many activities in our day so we know where to focus our attention and energy
2-Reduce the amount of items on our to-do list so it is realistic
3-Assess whether the activities we participate in are meaningful to us and cut down on the amount of demands on our time
4-Make space for uninterrupted family time: no phones, e-mails or tv
5-Slow down and include enjoyment in your day, not just duties and chores
6-Perform a self-care ritual such as reading, meditating, having a bath, going to yoga class
7-Share your stress-management tips with your children: progressive relaxation, meditation, prayer, breathing, yoga, journalling, art, exercise etc
8-Include friends in your schedule, it's good to go out and talk to your friends
9-Don't over schedule your day or your children's day
10-Talk about the feeling of anxiety with your loved ones, including your children so they are able to talk about their anxiety as well. They can see that they are not alone.
My favourite ways to deal with my stress include going to the gym, having a hot shower, writing in my journal, praying, dancing, singing out loud, drawing or painting. What works with my daughters is playing a relaxation cd when they go to bed, lots of cuddles, making up stories together before bed, petting the animals, drawing and writing stories in their journal and talking about what is worrying them.
Knowing that others experience anxiety, that it will pass, that there are things you can do to help yourself move through the anxiety and that you are supported by loved ones, all helps anxiety feel more manageable.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Anxiety is on the rise, among men and women and, noticeably, in children and teenagers. I meet with many women who suffer from crippling levels of anxiety but their loved ones have no idea. They hide their anxiety or numb it with pills and alcohol. They think there is something wrong with them. "Why am I so anxious? I've always been the strong one. What is wrong with me?"
Each person perceives the anxiety to be a personal weakness. They guard this secret and cover it up. The thing is, it's normal to feel anxious. That is, when you are living in a fast-paced, demanding world, multi-tasking and over-scheduling yourself, it is normal to feel anxiety. As adults, we have become accustomed to drinking caffeine in order to keep functioning. We feel tired at the end of the day, rightfully so, but our work isn't over, we still need to prepare for the next day or finish a report.
Children don't have caffeine. They try to keep up with our pace, hurrying into the car, eating on the road, going from swim class to hockey. As they rush around, they feel stressed. They may experience anxiety about getting through homework, managing their many activities, witnessing conflicts between their parents or fighting with siblings. They are also bombarded by images and messages in the media. As they spend time surfing the internet alone, they are exposed to content that is not age-appropriate. They see skinny models and think that is what they are supposed to look like. They start trying to look older. They watch teenager sitcoms and think that is how teenagers are supposed to behave. They try out obnoxious behaviours prematurely in order to feel grown up and fit in. When the pressures accumulate, children and teenagers lash out in anger or in tears. They are overwhelmed.
When I visit classrooms to discuss mental health and stress management, I hear about the various stressors faced by today's children. They are expected to sit in class for hours at a time and learn. However, they may be hungry, stressed, scared or tired. To make things worse, they may not have any adults in their lives to support them and teach them how to deal with their stress. They feel alone. Some schools teach tips to handle their stress and emotions but it is not a priority, it may be one special class or a week of information.
If children look at their parents to learn how to manage stress, they may not be much further ahead. Many of us are overwhelmed as well. We are busy and exhausted, trying to juggle all responsibilities. We may lash out at our children in frustration or from there exhaustion. So what can we do?
1-Prioritize the many activities in our day so we know where to focus our attention and energy
2-Reduce the amount of items on our to-do list so it is realistic
3-Assess whether the activities we participate in are meaningful to us and cut down on the amount of demands on our time
4-Make space for uninterrupted family time: no phones, e-mails or tv
5-Slow down and include enjoyment in your day, not just duties and chores
6-Perform a self-care ritual such as reading, meditating, having a bath, going to yoga class
7-Share your stress-management tips with your children: progressive relaxation, meditation, prayer, breathing, yoga, journalling, art, exercise etc
8-Include friends in your schedule, it's good to go out and talk to your friends
9-Don't over schedule your day or your children's day
10-Talk about the feeling of anxiety with your loved ones, including your children so they are able to talk about their anxiety as well. They can see that they are not alone.
My favourite ways to deal with my stress include going to the gym, having a hot shower, writing in my journal, praying, dancing, singing out loud, drawing or painting. What works with my daughters is playing a relaxation cd when they go to bed, lots of cuddles, making up stories together before bed, petting the animals, drawing and writing stories in their journal and talking about what is worrying them.
Knowing that others experience anxiety, that it will pass, that there are things you can do to help yourself move through the anxiety and that you are supported by loved ones, all helps anxiety feel more manageable.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Wednesday, 3 February 2016
Friendship
February 3rd, 2016
When I was reading, Don't Let Anything Dull Your Sparkle, one of the chapters was devoted to friendships. I have always had friends but we moved every few years so I don't have a lot of long- term friendships from my childhood. I am both shy and social so I like a lot of people but they may not know I do. As I read through the chapter, I realized I suck at friendships.
Let me explain. The author described friends you want to avoid and it sounded like me. One of the descriptors was that I "speak in an animated way", which I do. I also move my hands around when I talk. I think this stems from my French Canadian background. The other descriptor was "speaking loudly and excitedly". Yup, once again, I am guilty.
There was another paragraph about the importance of making time for friendships. I am guilty of this as well. I think about people all the time and I genuinely care about them but I don't pick up the phone and call them. They are someone I would love to get together with in the near future, I just don't pick a time so it may be a while between visits. I may e-mail and say; Let's get together for coffee. They'll reply, yes. Then it just stays in my mind, no action.
I have decided to correct this habit. Life is too short. From now on, I will contact one friend per week to go for a walk, meet for coffee, visit Micheal's Art Store or come over for a meal. I do value friendships so my behaviour needs to reflect this. We are surrounded by great people out here. There are so many women I admire. I just need to reach out to them.
I am so pleased that my daughters are being raised in the same neighbourhood and have kept a lot of their friends from school. I enjoy watching their friends change as they mature. I love getting to know them and their parents. My husband is like me. He only needs a few friends and he doesn't actively seek them out. He met the father of one of our daughter's friends last year and they hit it off. They love music and go out for wings and beer on a regular basis. It makes me happy to see him have fun. The father and daughter are coming over for pizza tonight. It will be a blast.
Here is what I have learned about friendships over the years:
1-You need to pick people you respect
2-You must set time aside to spend time with them or it will never happen
3-Ask questions about their life and loved ones and listen
4-Take turns initiating contact or suggesting activities
5-Let them know you think they are awesome
6-Be ready and willing to help them the they need it
7-What your friends tell you is confidential
Hopefully, I can keep my promise to myself and reach out to a few wonderful women. This is my resolution for 2016. Stay tuned!
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
When I was reading, Don't Let Anything Dull Your Sparkle, one of the chapters was devoted to friendships. I have always had friends but we moved every few years so I don't have a lot of long- term friendships from my childhood. I am both shy and social so I like a lot of people but they may not know I do. As I read through the chapter, I realized I suck at friendships.
Let me explain. The author described friends you want to avoid and it sounded like me. One of the descriptors was that I "speak in an animated way", which I do. I also move my hands around when I talk. I think this stems from my French Canadian background. The other descriptor was "speaking loudly and excitedly". Yup, once again, I am guilty.
There was another paragraph about the importance of making time for friendships. I am guilty of this as well. I think about people all the time and I genuinely care about them but I don't pick up the phone and call them. They are someone I would love to get together with in the near future, I just don't pick a time so it may be a while between visits. I may e-mail and say; Let's get together for coffee. They'll reply, yes. Then it just stays in my mind, no action.
I have decided to correct this habit. Life is too short. From now on, I will contact one friend per week to go for a walk, meet for coffee, visit Micheal's Art Store or come over for a meal. I do value friendships so my behaviour needs to reflect this. We are surrounded by great people out here. There are so many women I admire. I just need to reach out to them.
I am so pleased that my daughters are being raised in the same neighbourhood and have kept a lot of their friends from school. I enjoy watching their friends change as they mature. I love getting to know them and their parents. My husband is like me. He only needs a few friends and he doesn't actively seek them out. He met the father of one of our daughter's friends last year and they hit it off. They love music and go out for wings and beer on a regular basis. It makes me happy to see him have fun. The father and daughter are coming over for pizza tonight. It will be a blast.
Here is what I have learned about friendships over the years:
1-You need to pick people you respect
2-You must set time aside to spend time with them or it will never happen
3-Ask questions about their life and loved ones and listen
4-Take turns initiating contact or suggesting activities
5-Let them know you think they are awesome
6-Be ready and willing to help them the they need it
7-What your friends tell you is confidential
Hopefully, I can keep my promise to myself and reach out to a few wonderful women. This is my resolution for 2016. Stay tuned!
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Monday, 1 February 2016
Creativity
February 1st, 2016
I can't believe it's been a month already. Thank you to all of you who read this blog. It's encouraging to see that I am getting some views every day.
When I decided to become an art therapist, I thought I should get some basic art skills. I signed up for the Fine Arts Portfolio program at The Ottawa School of Art for the following Fall. Over the summer, I visited an uncle of mine who is an artist. He was a bit lonely so I went over once a week. We drove to a nearby restaurant for breakfast then he showed me some art techniques.
There are two types of brains, he was the kind of artist who can look at a block of marble, imagine the shape of the sculpture he wants to make and nip away at it until the shape is revealed. Not me. So, initially, he was showing me how to mix plaster to create plaster tablets. Then he would pick an image from an art magazine and we would carve out the layers of details and perspective to create a landscape or a scene. You had to remove the plaster from the farthest points in the image and work outward. This process frustrated me at the time. It was the first project he showed me and I thought I had made a terrible mistake. Seeing my lack of enthusiasm (and talent), my uncle moved on to another medium.
He collected egg cartons, tore them up into bits, threw them in the blender with water and whizzed the mixture until it was like porridge. We would then strain the mix and use it like paper-mache to sculpt masks. He had a styrofoam head coated with vaseline and he encouraged me to pile on the paper pulp. I did as I was told and then I realized that 30 minutes had gone by without me noticing. He stood back and smoked his cigarette. I turned around, stunned, looking at the clock. He said: "You've done good work". I had. He suggested I step back to admire the mask I had created. The process of adding lumps of paste and shaping it with my fingers was so much fun. I enjoyed the texture of it, the immediacy of the experience and the fact that I never needed to ask him what to do next. It was a very intuitive process and I was hooked.
Oddly enough, what I remember from my time at the art school, is how much I enjoyed the other students. We would head out to the coffee shop between classes and have superb conversations. They were really interesting people. I find you learn more from artists than from structured classes or at least I did.
Recently, I've been looking for exciting new art projects. I contacted a local artist after I saw photos of her felt hats. This intrigued me. I asked her if she would teach me or allow me to observe her process. She suggested I look for tips on You Tube. I found an amazing video tutorial done by a young girl named Olivia. I am excited to try creating felt hats with my daughters. I also found a cool tutorial about using alcohol ink with stamps and images. Thirdly, I saw a really interesting video, teaching how to create stencils with a glue gun and using spray paint to add colours.
Needless to say, I will be busy getting messy over the coming month. I just know my daughters will enjoy learning with me. It's never too late to learn. Google art techniques and see what inspires you. Then jump in and enjoy!
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
I can't believe it's been a month already. Thank you to all of you who read this blog. It's encouraging to see that I am getting some views every day.
When I decided to become an art therapist, I thought I should get some basic art skills. I signed up for the Fine Arts Portfolio program at The Ottawa School of Art for the following Fall. Over the summer, I visited an uncle of mine who is an artist. He was a bit lonely so I went over once a week. We drove to a nearby restaurant for breakfast then he showed me some art techniques.
There are two types of brains, he was the kind of artist who can look at a block of marble, imagine the shape of the sculpture he wants to make and nip away at it until the shape is revealed. Not me. So, initially, he was showing me how to mix plaster to create plaster tablets. Then he would pick an image from an art magazine and we would carve out the layers of details and perspective to create a landscape or a scene. You had to remove the plaster from the farthest points in the image and work outward. This process frustrated me at the time. It was the first project he showed me and I thought I had made a terrible mistake. Seeing my lack of enthusiasm (and talent), my uncle moved on to another medium.
He collected egg cartons, tore them up into bits, threw them in the blender with water and whizzed the mixture until it was like porridge. We would then strain the mix and use it like paper-mache to sculpt masks. He had a styrofoam head coated with vaseline and he encouraged me to pile on the paper pulp. I did as I was told and then I realized that 30 minutes had gone by without me noticing. He stood back and smoked his cigarette. I turned around, stunned, looking at the clock. He said: "You've done good work". I had. He suggested I step back to admire the mask I had created. The process of adding lumps of paste and shaping it with my fingers was so much fun. I enjoyed the texture of it, the immediacy of the experience and the fact that I never needed to ask him what to do next. It was a very intuitive process and I was hooked.
Oddly enough, what I remember from my time at the art school, is how much I enjoyed the other students. We would head out to the coffee shop between classes and have superb conversations. They were really interesting people. I find you learn more from artists than from structured classes or at least I did.
Recently, I've been looking for exciting new art projects. I contacted a local artist after I saw photos of her felt hats. This intrigued me. I asked her if she would teach me or allow me to observe her process. She suggested I look for tips on You Tube. I found an amazing video tutorial done by a young girl named Olivia. I am excited to try creating felt hats with my daughters. I also found a cool tutorial about using alcohol ink with stamps and images. Thirdly, I saw a really interesting video, teaching how to create stencils with a glue gun and using spray paint to add colours.
Needless to say, I will be busy getting messy over the coming month. I just know my daughters will enjoy learning with me. It's never too late to learn. Google art techniques and see what inspires you. Then jump in and enjoy!
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Sunday, 31 January 2016
Date Night
January 31st
Just over ten years ago, Vincent and I became parents. Our youngest daughter's Godparents, the Braidecs, were at my husband's shop. They were celebrating their wedding anniversary. I can't remember which anniversary it was but they have been together a long time, with two happy, successful, adult children. I asked them for the secret to a long marriage. I was expecting something like communication, compassion, humour etc, the usuals. They said they always made a point of having a date, once a week. This can be challenging when the children are young but it's important.
To this day, Vincent and I have our date night every week. I truly do believe it has helped us stay connected through the tough times. When you have children, you form a triangle and, although you can all interact as a family, the focus of both parents is usually directed to the child. When you try to communicate as a couple, within the home, you can be interrupted so many times you never finish any of the topics. This can lead to frustration, miscommunication and alienation.
Also, because it's easy to get sucked into a routine where each partner has a role, unless a couple gets out of the house without children on a regular basis, when they finally end up alone together, they may no longer know how to connect. They suddenly feel like strangers and have nothing to say. Our dates allowed us to stay romantic. I would dress up every week. The girls loved watching me get changed out of my "mommy" clothes. They always suggested which dress to wear. It shows them what it's like to care for someone and want special time with them. They saw us as a united couple who went out and had fun together.
During our date nights, we could have fun, laugh about whatever had happened during the week or just enjoy each other's company the way we did before we became parents. Sometimes, when we were stressed and overwhelmed by our responsibilities, we might take each other for granted and communicate in gruff ways throughout the week. It was nice to go out and realize we were ok. Taken away from the context of "duties", our pace would resume and we could see beyond the stress of the week.
On a few occasions, we vented our frustrations in the car on the way to the restaurant. We could get everything out without worrying that the children could hear. We might stay in the car longer than anticipated but, in the end, we had cleared the air and we were able to progress. Going out regularly means you don't forget what it's like to enjoy being your spouse's partner. We have had amazing conversations in the car and at the restaurant. We are able to talk about what is happening in our life, what we have learned, what our goals are for the future etc.
Even though there were weeks that the girls begged me to stay home with them when they were younger, they now look forward to our date night because they love their babysitter, Lauren. When they were very young, our date may be the only outing I got all week. It felt good to dress up and enjoy my supper while it was still warm, to feel like a woman. We became regulars in some restaurants and developed friendships with wait staff, managers and restaurant owners. It was fun to get out, socialize and have a good laugh.
Our sense of humour has always been a big part of our relationship. Spending time together, relaxing, eating good food, chatting, joking around, holding hands, even kissing on the way to the car, all of it has helped to keep our relationship fresh and fun.
If you have young children and you need to bring some joy back in your life, follow these steps:
1-Make date night a priority.
2-Find reliable, responsible people to babysit. If you have no money to pay for a sitter, see if a friend with children will trade with you so they can go out as well. You could also eat at home after you put the kids to bed so you can talk and have a date alone.
3-You don't need to go somewhere fancy. Tim Hortons and Subway can work just as well as a fancy restaurant. The point is to have time together.
4-Don't use this time to complain, go over the honey-do list or stress out about bills. All of this can be done during the drive there if you absolutely need to discuss it. Once you get to the restaurant, switch to date mode.
5-Dress up for your date so you can feel sexy. Don't forget to notice how good your partner looks.
6-Take the opportunity to hold hands, sit close together and cuddle.
7-Don't invite others to join you unless you have other opportunities to go out together alone.
Enjoy!
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Just over ten years ago, Vincent and I became parents. Our youngest daughter's Godparents, the Braidecs, were at my husband's shop. They were celebrating their wedding anniversary. I can't remember which anniversary it was but they have been together a long time, with two happy, successful, adult children. I asked them for the secret to a long marriage. I was expecting something like communication, compassion, humour etc, the usuals. They said they always made a point of having a date, once a week. This can be challenging when the children are young but it's important.
To this day, Vincent and I have our date night every week. I truly do believe it has helped us stay connected through the tough times. When you have children, you form a triangle and, although you can all interact as a family, the focus of both parents is usually directed to the child. When you try to communicate as a couple, within the home, you can be interrupted so many times you never finish any of the topics. This can lead to frustration, miscommunication and alienation.
Also, because it's easy to get sucked into a routine where each partner has a role, unless a couple gets out of the house without children on a regular basis, when they finally end up alone together, they may no longer know how to connect. They suddenly feel like strangers and have nothing to say. Our dates allowed us to stay romantic. I would dress up every week. The girls loved watching me get changed out of my "mommy" clothes. They always suggested which dress to wear. It shows them what it's like to care for someone and want special time with them. They saw us as a united couple who went out and had fun together.
During our date nights, we could have fun, laugh about whatever had happened during the week or just enjoy each other's company the way we did before we became parents. Sometimes, when we were stressed and overwhelmed by our responsibilities, we might take each other for granted and communicate in gruff ways throughout the week. It was nice to go out and realize we were ok. Taken away from the context of "duties", our pace would resume and we could see beyond the stress of the week.
On a few occasions, we vented our frustrations in the car on the way to the restaurant. We could get everything out without worrying that the children could hear. We might stay in the car longer than anticipated but, in the end, we had cleared the air and we were able to progress. Going out regularly means you don't forget what it's like to enjoy being your spouse's partner. We have had amazing conversations in the car and at the restaurant. We are able to talk about what is happening in our life, what we have learned, what our goals are for the future etc.
Even though there were weeks that the girls begged me to stay home with them when they were younger, they now look forward to our date night because they love their babysitter, Lauren. When they were very young, our date may be the only outing I got all week. It felt good to dress up and enjoy my supper while it was still warm, to feel like a woman. We became regulars in some restaurants and developed friendships with wait staff, managers and restaurant owners. It was fun to get out, socialize and have a good laugh.
Our sense of humour has always been a big part of our relationship. Spending time together, relaxing, eating good food, chatting, joking around, holding hands, even kissing on the way to the car, all of it has helped to keep our relationship fresh and fun.
If you have young children and you need to bring some joy back in your life, follow these steps:
1-Make date night a priority.
2-Find reliable, responsible people to babysit. If you have no money to pay for a sitter, see if a friend with children will trade with you so they can go out as well. You could also eat at home after you put the kids to bed so you can talk and have a date alone.
3-You don't need to go somewhere fancy. Tim Hortons and Subway can work just as well as a fancy restaurant. The point is to have time together.
4-Don't use this time to complain, go over the honey-do list or stress out about bills. All of this can be done during the drive there if you absolutely need to discuss it. Once you get to the restaurant, switch to date mode.
5-Dress up for your date so you can feel sexy. Don't forget to notice how good your partner looks.
6-Take the opportunity to hold hands, sit close together and cuddle.
7-Don't invite others to join you unless you have other opportunities to go out together alone.
Enjoy!
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Sunday, 24 January 2016
Perimenopause
January 24th, 2016
Today, I'd like to explore perimenopause. I am 45 years old and I have noticed changes in my body over the last few years. My friends are in their 40s as well and they are also experiencing changes. The one that is most discussed is the inability to get away with former dietary choices. Our bodies seem to convert everything to fat and deposit it directly onto our midsection.
I grew up hearing about menopause: hot flashes, night sweats, vaginal dryness and mood swings. Perimenopause doesn't really get as much attention and yet I believe this transitional period leading up to menopause is just as important.
In my work with women and through my own personal journey I have noticed a disconnect between women and their bodies. Our bodies change during adolescence as we go through growth spurts and develop as women leading to self-consciousness. Then we find our groove again until we become mothers. Once again, our bodies morph and we discover new lumps, stretch marks, veins, the works! Our body belongs to the baby for some time as it develops in our womb then makes its way out and starts to nurse.
Women do all sorts of things to their bodies in order to appear young and beautiful. The public perception of beauty is fabricated by the media. Add to this the staggering statistics about sexual abuse among women and you can understand how we get lost along the way.
Then comes perimenopause. Our bodies are changing once again. Our cycles are altered and unpredictable. Our hormones stir up our emotions, swinging from anger to sadness. Some women think they are losing their mind. If you happen to have a teenage daughter going through her own hormonal changes simultaneously, the household can become quite chaotic. The changes in libido and vaginal fluids can create tension with your partner as well. Night sweats can keep you up all night while hot flashes may lead to arguments about keeping the window closed or open. I am surprised there isn't more discussion about this topic.
Menopause was always described as this big, crazy change but, it would seem it is perimenopause that wreaks havoc on our system. It lasts until we begin menopause. This means we have not had a period for twelve months. At that point, our hormones stabilize and many women claim they feel more like themselves. My mother has not experienced all the drama described by experts on perimenopause. I think it's because she made many lifestyle changes prior to being menopausal.
Here are some preventive tips which may help make this transition a bit smoother:
1-Get to know your body. Keep a journal and log observations to create a baseline of information. Moods, menstrual cycle, cravings, bloating, pain etc.
2-Reduce or eliminate foods or substances that will increase your symptoms: alcohol, caffeine, nicotine, refined sugar, processed foods.
3-Find a physical activity you enjoy and stick with it: dancing (alone, as a couple in a class), going for walks after supper, swimming or aqua aerobics, cycling, joining a gym, doing yoga etc.
4-Make time for your friends. We often get busy and neglect our friendships. As your body changes, it can be helpful to talk to friends and compare what is happening in each other's lives. You know it's normal and you can provide mutual support. You can also meet with a therapist for additional support.
5-Be informed. Read about perimenopause. Know what to expect, how to prepare and, if need be, consult your doctor or naturopath to discuss options in order to help manage these changes.
6-Educate your partner about how you are feeling and what is happening to your body. Experiment if you need lubrication in order to enjoy your sex life. Communicate with loved ones about your needs or new boundaries.
7-Be patient. Your body is changing but it will eventually stabilize and you will feel like yourself again.
8-Love your body. It has been through so much. Think about what you have put your body through: sleepless nights, skipping meals or overindulging, stress levels, rigorous workouts, childbirth etc. Pledge to treat it well and recognize its awesomeness.
9-You may want to add supplements to support your body through this change: vitamin D, fish oil, a multivitamin, extra calcium (talk to your doctor or naturopath).
10-Take control of this experience. Make decisions that are right for you.
I urge you to discuss these changes with other women. It helps normalize this experience because that is exactly what it is, a normal experience.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Today, I'd like to explore perimenopause. I am 45 years old and I have noticed changes in my body over the last few years. My friends are in their 40s as well and they are also experiencing changes. The one that is most discussed is the inability to get away with former dietary choices. Our bodies seem to convert everything to fat and deposit it directly onto our midsection.
I grew up hearing about menopause: hot flashes, night sweats, vaginal dryness and mood swings. Perimenopause doesn't really get as much attention and yet I believe this transitional period leading up to menopause is just as important.
In my work with women and through my own personal journey I have noticed a disconnect between women and their bodies. Our bodies change during adolescence as we go through growth spurts and develop as women leading to self-consciousness. Then we find our groove again until we become mothers. Once again, our bodies morph and we discover new lumps, stretch marks, veins, the works! Our body belongs to the baby for some time as it develops in our womb then makes its way out and starts to nurse.
Women do all sorts of things to their bodies in order to appear young and beautiful. The public perception of beauty is fabricated by the media. Add to this the staggering statistics about sexual abuse among women and you can understand how we get lost along the way.
Then comes perimenopause. Our bodies are changing once again. Our cycles are altered and unpredictable. Our hormones stir up our emotions, swinging from anger to sadness. Some women think they are losing their mind. If you happen to have a teenage daughter going through her own hormonal changes simultaneously, the household can become quite chaotic. The changes in libido and vaginal fluids can create tension with your partner as well. Night sweats can keep you up all night while hot flashes may lead to arguments about keeping the window closed or open. I am surprised there isn't more discussion about this topic.
Menopause was always described as this big, crazy change but, it would seem it is perimenopause that wreaks havoc on our system. It lasts until we begin menopause. This means we have not had a period for twelve months. At that point, our hormones stabilize and many women claim they feel more like themselves. My mother has not experienced all the drama described by experts on perimenopause. I think it's because she made many lifestyle changes prior to being menopausal.
Here are some preventive tips which may help make this transition a bit smoother:
1-Get to know your body. Keep a journal and log observations to create a baseline of information. Moods, menstrual cycle, cravings, bloating, pain etc.
2-Reduce or eliminate foods or substances that will increase your symptoms: alcohol, caffeine, nicotine, refined sugar, processed foods.
3-Find a physical activity you enjoy and stick with it: dancing (alone, as a couple in a class), going for walks after supper, swimming or aqua aerobics, cycling, joining a gym, doing yoga etc.
4-Make time for your friends. We often get busy and neglect our friendships. As your body changes, it can be helpful to talk to friends and compare what is happening in each other's lives. You know it's normal and you can provide mutual support. You can also meet with a therapist for additional support.
5-Be informed. Read about perimenopause. Know what to expect, how to prepare and, if need be, consult your doctor or naturopath to discuss options in order to help manage these changes.
6-Educate your partner about how you are feeling and what is happening to your body. Experiment if you need lubrication in order to enjoy your sex life. Communicate with loved ones about your needs or new boundaries.
7-Be patient. Your body is changing but it will eventually stabilize and you will feel like yourself again.
8-Love your body. It has been through so much. Think about what you have put your body through: sleepless nights, skipping meals or overindulging, stress levels, rigorous workouts, childbirth etc. Pledge to treat it well and recognize its awesomeness.
9-You may want to add supplements to support your body through this change: vitamin D, fish oil, a multivitamin, extra calcium (talk to your doctor or naturopath).
10-Take control of this experience. Make decisions that are right for you.
I urge you to discuss these changes with other women. It helps normalize this experience because that is exactly what it is, a normal experience.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Friday, 22 January 2016
Book of the Week: Don't Let Anything Dull Your Sparkle
January 22nd, 2016
This week's book was packed with information and, a bit hard to read at times, but so worth it. Don't Let Anything Dull Your Sparkle: How To Break Free of Negativity and Drama is written by Doreen Virtue. This is a well-researched psychology book. I have read many books about PTSD and the information gets repetitive but there is new, useful information presented here and I encourage you to buy this book if you or someone you love is living with PTSD.
This book describes how our bodies and minds respond to stress then provides real tips to bring calm back into our lives. Doreen explains how people who have had trauma in their lives attract drama to them in order to stimulate stress hormones. Hyper vigilance, the tendency to be on high alert and looking for clues of danger, helps people feel safe. When they are calm, they feel vulnerable so they trigger stress hormones through drama because that feels more comfortable.
The author outlines four reactions to trauma:1-Fight (anger and aggression), 2-Flight (avoidant behaviour and fear), 3-Freeze (dissociation) and 4-Fawn (complying with others in order to stay safe). I had never heard about this fourth reaction but it makes sense if I think about the children I've worked with who come from homes with domestic violence. They become really skilled at reading their parent's facial expressions and moods and do what they can to be invisible and compliant, walking on egg shells to avoid violence.
You may have heard about the role of adrenaline in stress and PTSD, how it speeds up the central nervous system and keeps people hyper alert. Cortisol is a stress hormone that has received a lot of press due to the abundance of stressed out women with muffin tops. Cortisol stores fat reserves onto your stomach as a protective measure, in case you starve. What I had never heard of before is the role of histamines in the stress reaction.
When you eat something you are allergic to, your body releases histamines. It helps your body react to the allergen. Doreen states that we can become addicted to the foods we are allergic to, believing they are our favourite foods. What we like is the release of histamines which increases our alertness. She lists high histamine foods that people who have experienced trauma may become addicted to, these include: aged cheddar, red wine, balsamic vinegar, cured meats, soy sauce, pickles etc. I was blown away by this list. Do you know someone who loves that specific list of items? I do.
The book describes the symptoms of PTSD which Doreen suggests be re-named Post Traumatic Stress Reaction because it is a normal reaction to an abnormal situation, I agree. The word "disorder" only serves to further stigmatize individuals who are trying to come to terms with what happened to them. She also covers topics such as Secondary Traumatic Stress (hearing about trauma from someone else or watching it on tv), Burnout Syndrome (when hard workers feel their efforts go unrecognized, become angry then stop caring) and, Complex PTSR (where the trauma was ongoing). This first section of the book can be difficult to read. If you are dealing with PTSR, I would recommend you read a bit at a time and make plans to see a trusted friend or therapist for support.
The second section of the book offers a variety of tools to reduce the stress in your life. Doreen recommends a "drama detox" which involves distancing yourself from the people in your life who create drama as well as recognizing your own drama patterns. Some of the her tips for getting calm include: listening to quiet, relaxing music, focusing on one moment at a time, buying a plant to practice caring for something, reducing your consumption of high histamine foods, connecting with nature, hanging out with your pet, stretching, getting creative, de-cluttering your home or having a warm bath.
There are strategies to avoid some of the cognitive traps like "what if" thinking or pessimism and diet tips to avoid binging. She provides alternatives to the many allergens your body is exposed to from carpet fumes, bedding, cosmetics, clothing, cleaning supplies, plastics and electromagnetic energy fields. Doreen proposes a variety of non-medicinal treatments for anxiety and depression to deter people from self-numbing with alcohol or drugs. Some of her suggestions are quite simple like chamomile tea, lavender essential oils, Saint-John's Wort, Melatonin, body work, restorative yoga and gratitude.
The last section of the book helps people who have survived trauma work through their tendency to isolate themselves and avoid human contact as a way to protect themselves in order to create healthy relationships. Individuals are urged to seek support and examine what feelings were at the root of their poor choices in the past so they can make better choices in the future. They are encouraged to nurture self-love and connect with their feelings and intuition in order to assess whether someone will be a good friend or not. The author suggests going to healthy environments to meet new people and taking their time getting to know new acquaintances before trusting them. She also recommends listening to the advice of trusted friends when they have misgivings about a new friend or love interest. Lastly, Doreen goes over some strategies to empower individuals who are trying to maintain a relationship with a dysfunctional family while preserving healthy boundaries.
I will recommend this book to many friends and clients. This is one of those books that I will keep in my library for years so I can consult it on a regular basis. I strongly recommend this book whether you are diagnosed with PTSR or are simply living a stressful life and looking for a way to become healthy and calm.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
This week's book was packed with information and, a bit hard to read at times, but so worth it. Don't Let Anything Dull Your Sparkle: How To Break Free of Negativity and Drama is written by Doreen Virtue. This is a well-researched psychology book. I have read many books about PTSD and the information gets repetitive but there is new, useful information presented here and I encourage you to buy this book if you or someone you love is living with PTSD.
This book describes how our bodies and minds respond to stress then provides real tips to bring calm back into our lives. Doreen explains how people who have had trauma in their lives attract drama to them in order to stimulate stress hormones. Hyper vigilance, the tendency to be on high alert and looking for clues of danger, helps people feel safe. When they are calm, they feel vulnerable so they trigger stress hormones through drama because that feels more comfortable.
The author outlines four reactions to trauma:1-Fight (anger and aggression), 2-Flight (avoidant behaviour and fear), 3-Freeze (dissociation) and 4-Fawn (complying with others in order to stay safe). I had never heard about this fourth reaction but it makes sense if I think about the children I've worked with who come from homes with domestic violence. They become really skilled at reading their parent's facial expressions and moods and do what they can to be invisible and compliant, walking on egg shells to avoid violence.
You may have heard about the role of adrenaline in stress and PTSD, how it speeds up the central nervous system and keeps people hyper alert. Cortisol is a stress hormone that has received a lot of press due to the abundance of stressed out women with muffin tops. Cortisol stores fat reserves onto your stomach as a protective measure, in case you starve. What I had never heard of before is the role of histamines in the stress reaction.
When you eat something you are allergic to, your body releases histamines. It helps your body react to the allergen. Doreen states that we can become addicted to the foods we are allergic to, believing they are our favourite foods. What we like is the release of histamines which increases our alertness. She lists high histamine foods that people who have experienced trauma may become addicted to, these include: aged cheddar, red wine, balsamic vinegar, cured meats, soy sauce, pickles etc. I was blown away by this list. Do you know someone who loves that specific list of items? I do.
The book describes the symptoms of PTSD which Doreen suggests be re-named Post Traumatic Stress Reaction because it is a normal reaction to an abnormal situation, I agree. The word "disorder" only serves to further stigmatize individuals who are trying to come to terms with what happened to them. She also covers topics such as Secondary Traumatic Stress (hearing about trauma from someone else or watching it on tv), Burnout Syndrome (when hard workers feel their efforts go unrecognized, become angry then stop caring) and, Complex PTSR (where the trauma was ongoing). This first section of the book can be difficult to read. If you are dealing with PTSR, I would recommend you read a bit at a time and make plans to see a trusted friend or therapist for support.
The second section of the book offers a variety of tools to reduce the stress in your life. Doreen recommends a "drama detox" which involves distancing yourself from the people in your life who create drama as well as recognizing your own drama patterns. Some of the her tips for getting calm include: listening to quiet, relaxing music, focusing on one moment at a time, buying a plant to practice caring for something, reducing your consumption of high histamine foods, connecting with nature, hanging out with your pet, stretching, getting creative, de-cluttering your home or having a warm bath.
There are strategies to avoid some of the cognitive traps like "what if" thinking or pessimism and diet tips to avoid binging. She provides alternatives to the many allergens your body is exposed to from carpet fumes, bedding, cosmetics, clothing, cleaning supplies, plastics and electromagnetic energy fields. Doreen proposes a variety of non-medicinal treatments for anxiety and depression to deter people from self-numbing with alcohol or drugs. Some of her suggestions are quite simple like chamomile tea, lavender essential oils, Saint-John's Wort, Melatonin, body work, restorative yoga and gratitude.
The last section of the book helps people who have survived trauma work through their tendency to isolate themselves and avoid human contact as a way to protect themselves in order to create healthy relationships. Individuals are urged to seek support and examine what feelings were at the root of their poor choices in the past so they can make better choices in the future. They are encouraged to nurture self-love and connect with their feelings and intuition in order to assess whether someone will be a good friend or not. The author suggests going to healthy environments to meet new people and taking their time getting to know new acquaintances before trusting them. She also recommends listening to the advice of trusted friends when they have misgivings about a new friend or love interest. Lastly, Doreen goes over some strategies to empower individuals who are trying to maintain a relationship with a dysfunctional family while preserving healthy boundaries.
I will recommend this book to many friends and clients. This is one of those books that I will keep in my library for years so I can consult it on a regular basis. I strongly recommend this book whether you are diagnosed with PTSR or are simply living a stressful life and looking for a way to become healthy and calm.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Thursday, 7 January 2016
Book of the Week-The Power of Intention
January 7 th, 2016
It's late but I have thoroughly enjoyed my day. My eldest daughter turned ten years old today. I kept both daughters home from school and we enjoyed each other's company, celebrating Molly and preparing for her big party tomorrow night. She has seven friends sleeping over and it is all very exciting.
I chose to write about The Power of Intention by Wayne Dyer because I vividly recall reading it during a trip to Mexico seven years ago. My daughters were young and I read every time they napped (twice a day) and, in the evening after they had settled in for the night. I have always loved books. As a child, I couldn't wait to go grocery shopping with my mom so I could sit in the cereal aisle and soak up all their books. I don't know why there was a book rack with cereal but it didn't matter. When I discovered self-help books, it opened up a whole new world to me. We see the world in a certain way, based on our upbringing and our experiences. Books show you life from a different point of view. It also helps you recognize and understand your own behavior which nourishes self-love as well as compassion for others.
When I read Dr. Dyer's book, I was in a bit of a fog. I was married with two young children and sleep-deprived. My maternity leave was coming to an end. My husband and I were struggling to re-create what we had together before becoming parents. We were both exhausted and finding our way. We felt frustrated, confused and overwhelmed. This was an important book for me because, at its core, the message was to be aware of your intention. I was feeling powerless to change anything in my life. I couldn't see every individual aspect of my existence just the sum of its parts. Focusing on my intention gave me a tool I could work with to align all of the pieces of my puzzle.
After much soul searching, I realized I had three main intentions:
1-Work on my relationship with Vincent in order to stay connected and loving as a couple and a family
2-Be a fun, loving, present mom for my girls
3-Use my skills to help others
This helped me tremendously. I didn't have to make any major decisions just stay true to my intentions. Knowing your intentions allows you to prioritize and move forward. On page 255 of the book this is described as thinking "from the end". It means you know what you intend the outcome to be. Rather than trying to figure out how to get there, you align what you say, think and do on a daily basis with your intention.
Here are some useful tips from the book to help you connect to your intentions:
1-"Become conscious of your thoughts", you will notice whether a thought is strengthening or weakening your energy. Is the thought aligned with your intention. If not, stop it in its tracks and replace with a more appropriate thought.
2-"Meditation", get quiet every day and become receptive to inspiration, stay focused on your intention.
3-Eat live food, feed your body with as much unprocessed food as possible. It's easier for you to thrive when your body is well nourished and your mind is uncluttered by toxins.
4-Pay attention to the quality of the people in your life, if you surround yourself with negative people, you will also eventually see the glass as half empty.
5-Notice the energy of your home. Is your house cluttered? Are there lots of objects to remind you of a divorce, illness, debt etc.? Clear your space of such objects and replace them with art, affirmations or just enjoy the uncluttered space.
6-Abandon your need to have more or be superior, this can compete with our intention and pull you off course.
7-Grab any opportunity that presents itself if it moves you in the right direction, toward your intention.
8-Find people who know their purpose and are living with intention, learn from them.
9-Communicate your intention to others, they may have important information that will move you in the right direction.
10-Find something to be grateful for each day. Recognizing what you have helps you maintain your integrity because you do not perceive yourself as empty.
I hope this information is helpful for you. It changed the course of my life.
Anne
www.artnsoul.org
It's late but I have thoroughly enjoyed my day. My eldest daughter turned ten years old today. I kept both daughters home from school and we enjoyed each other's company, celebrating Molly and preparing for her big party tomorrow night. She has seven friends sleeping over and it is all very exciting.
I chose to write about The Power of Intention by Wayne Dyer because I vividly recall reading it during a trip to Mexico seven years ago. My daughters were young and I read every time they napped (twice a day) and, in the evening after they had settled in for the night. I have always loved books. As a child, I couldn't wait to go grocery shopping with my mom so I could sit in the cereal aisle and soak up all their books. I don't know why there was a book rack with cereal but it didn't matter. When I discovered self-help books, it opened up a whole new world to me. We see the world in a certain way, based on our upbringing and our experiences. Books show you life from a different point of view. It also helps you recognize and understand your own behavior which nourishes self-love as well as compassion for others.
When I read Dr. Dyer's book, I was in a bit of a fog. I was married with two young children and sleep-deprived. My maternity leave was coming to an end. My husband and I were struggling to re-create what we had together before becoming parents. We were both exhausted and finding our way. We felt frustrated, confused and overwhelmed. This was an important book for me because, at its core, the message was to be aware of your intention. I was feeling powerless to change anything in my life. I couldn't see every individual aspect of my existence just the sum of its parts. Focusing on my intention gave me a tool I could work with to align all of the pieces of my puzzle.
After much soul searching, I realized I had three main intentions:
1-Work on my relationship with Vincent in order to stay connected and loving as a couple and a family
2-Be a fun, loving, present mom for my girls
3-Use my skills to help others
This helped me tremendously. I didn't have to make any major decisions just stay true to my intentions. Knowing your intentions allows you to prioritize and move forward. On page 255 of the book this is described as thinking "from the end". It means you know what you intend the outcome to be. Rather than trying to figure out how to get there, you align what you say, think and do on a daily basis with your intention.
Here are some useful tips from the book to help you connect to your intentions:
1-"Become conscious of your thoughts", you will notice whether a thought is strengthening or weakening your energy. Is the thought aligned with your intention. If not, stop it in its tracks and replace with a more appropriate thought.
2-"Meditation", get quiet every day and become receptive to inspiration, stay focused on your intention.
3-Eat live food, feed your body with as much unprocessed food as possible. It's easier for you to thrive when your body is well nourished and your mind is uncluttered by toxins.
4-Pay attention to the quality of the people in your life, if you surround yourself with negative people, you will also eventually see the glass as half empty.
5-Notice the energy of your home. Is your house cluttered? Are there lots of objects to remind you of a divorce, illness, debt etc.? Clear your space of such objects and replace them with art, affirmations or just enjoy the uncluttered space.
6-Abandon your need to have more or be superior, this can compete with our intention and pull you off course.
7-Grab any opportunity that presents itself if it moves you in the right direction, toward your intention.
8-Find people who know their purpose and are living with intention, learn from them.
9-Communicate your intention to others, they may have important information that will move you in the right direction.
10-Find something to be grateful for each day. Recognizing what you have helps you maintain your integrity because you do not perceive yourself as empty.
I hope this information is helpful for you. It changed the course of my life.
Anne
www.artnsoul.org
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