Oct. 24th, 2016
Saturday night, my husband and I decided to watch a movie. We were trying out a new babysitter and were back from supper a bit early. We scanned Netflix, searching for something upbeat and meaningful. We both stopped to consider a documentary about a homeless woman living in Santa Monica, California. That is what we chose to watch.
At first, we see Mimi who has no teeth but is always smiling. She is hunched over, dishevelled and sending kisses to the camera. You can tell she is a character. Vin and I were both reminded of my Grandmother. She was short and spunky like Mimi and, a tad bit flirtatious.
Mimi lives in a laundromat. She was homeless for a long time but, one wet and cold night, she was allowed to stay in the laundromat for shelter and she never left. She slept on a plastic chair at night and helped clients at the laundromat during the day. She even had her own paying clients. She became a celebrity in Santa Monica. Clients looked forward to chatting with Mimi. She liked to go to the bars at night and, since she had her own key to the laundromat, she could party and let herself in at night or in the wee hours of the morning.
The first part of this documentary is all about her being cheeky. We hear from friends and clients who think she's amazing. We learn that the person filming this documentary is a guy who works at a coffee shop across the street. However, as the movie progresses, we realize that nobody really knows much about her. She doesn't share much information about her past. She is a mystery to her coworkers, friends and many admirers.
A few celebrities like Zack Galifianakis (The Hangover) and Renee Zellweger (Bridget Jones Diary) took her out and included her at red carpet events. She had many friends and seemed content. However, the more people talked about her and how much she meant to them, the more you wondered, Why is she still living in a laundromat, sleeping on a plastic chair?
The documentary interviews people who have invited her to stay for a while. You hear about her drinking and her late nights. Some co-workers say Mimi hates homeless people and won't let them into the laundromat, where she once stayed to keep her warm. We witness her getting angry at a client because he moved her basket, it contained her client's order. She definitely has strong opinions.
We then delve into her background, how she ended up on the street and who she left behind. Mimi was married for 29 years. Her husband cheated and she left him. She lost the house and lived in her van until it was taken away from her because she couldn't afford to pay for her licence to be renewed. She ate leftovers thrown into the bin behind local restaurants, she slept in bushes or doorways, she made shoes and blankets out of newspaper. Mimi explains that she had been out of work for years because her husband insisted that she stop working when they got married. She hadn't worked in nearly 30 years and that made it difficult for her to gain employment.
Just when you think you've heard it all, you find out she has two daughters. Your mind is swimming with questions. Where are they? How old would they be? Does Mimi have grandchildren? Do they know she's homeless? How did they get separated? Why didn't they help? It turns out, one of her daughters has passed away. She was looking for her and never found her. The other daughter is found by a friend during the filming of this documentary. They start building a relationship. Mimi meets her grand daughters. Mimi's daughter tells viewers that they were a united family, churchgoers and she didn't know where her mother went. They did look for her. They hoped to be reunited one day. Now, this dream has come true for the one daughter.
Another dream comes true as well. Zack Galifianakis rents an apartment for Mimi just across from the Laundromat. She finally has a bed to sleep in and a home of her own. At the end of the documentary, we see Mimi with Yaniv Rokah, the young man who works at the coffee shop across from the laundromat. He is escorting her to a movie theatre for the premiere of the documentary he has created about her life. Her daughter and granddaughters are there as well. Mimi gets a standing ovation.
I thoroughly enjoyed watching Queen Mimi. This documentary has many layers, like Mimi herself. She is slowly revealed-Bride, Mother, Sunday School teacher, divorced woman, homeless lady, laundromat resident and employee, celebrity and, inspiration.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Showing posts with label survival. Show all posts
Showing posts with label survival. Show all posts
Monday, 24 October 2016
Thursday, 22 September 2016
Surviving cancer
September 22nd, 2016
A few years ago, I interviewed women who had battled cancer. Each woman was diagnosed with a different cancer and they were all survivors. I decided to write about them to inspire women or men undergoing treatment. My message was, "You can beat this"!
A few months ago, I was thinking about these five strong women and it occurred to me that only two remained. I think two of them are still alive. I have lost touch with them and, honestly, I don't have the heart to look for them in case, they too, have passed.
Today, at Walmart, I ran into the husband of one of the ladies who did not survive. We talked about her, the second diagnosis (the cancer moved to a new location and spread), what the last week of her life was like and, what he was now doing with his life. We each continued our shopping after over an hour of chatting and I bumped into a man who came to the house to help me put up the pool in the Spring. His wife is currently in treatment for cancer. She has completed her radiation treatment but still has a month of chemotherapy before she can ring that bell.
They had been at the hospital earlier that day and she spoke about her treatment in a matter-of-fact tone, clearly used to the processes, explaining the machines and technicalities. This man clearly loves his wife. I pray that she survives and they live to tell the next generation all about it and inspire others.
I couldn't help but wonder, why do some people survive while others do not? You read about "cures" like oxygen therapy, an alkaline diet, the powers of turmeric and other superfoods, the power of cannabis oil is on Facebook every day but people are still dying. It is all so confusing. I read a beautiful book by Bernie Siegel, The Art of Healing, a few years ago because I am an art therapist and he offers art groups for his patients. He talks about the power of symbols in drawings and states that he can tell how patients perceive their cancer and the recommended treatment by what they draw. Drawings can also give a physician additional information about the affected organ, something patients know without it being part of their conscious wisdom.
Dr. Siegel's prescriptions are out of the ordinary. They include art and self expression, interpreting dreams, being in the present, laughing, hanging out with animals and staying positive (words, thoughts, beliefs). He believes that illness often comes from a place of trauma, where the feelings are stuck because they have never been expressed. Dr. Siegel predicts which patients will have a better survival rate on his website www.berniesiegelmd.com, here is a glimpse:
"When people have a sense of meaning in their life, express anger and emotions appropriately in defence of themselves, ask for help from family and friends, participate in their health care decisions, say no to what they choose not to do, find time to do what they enjoy and to play, use their feelings to help them to heal their lives and do not live a role but an authentic life, they will always do better than expected". He also mentions the importance of NOT interpreting their illness as a punishment from GOD.
If you are diagnosed with a cancer, get a journal and some colouring pencils then read through one of Dr. Siegel's books. His exercises are meant to get you thinking about your life and listening to your emotions. The art can help you release painful emotions. Join a group to reduce isolation and focus on what you enjoy. There is no room for negative people in your life. Live fully in the moment, as your authentic self and laugh often. Dealing with a life-threatening illness can result in feeling powerless. These are all things you can do to help heal your life.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
A few years ago, I interviewed women who had battled cancer. Each woman was diagnosed with a different cancer and they were all survivors. I decided to write about them to inspire women or men undergoing treatment. My message was, "You can beat this"!
A few months ago, I was thinking about these five strong women and it occurred to me that only two remained. I think two of them are still alive. I have lost touch with them and, honestly, I don't have the heart to look for them in case, they too, have passed.
Today, at Walmart, I ran into the husband of one of the ladies who did not survive. We talked about her, the second diagnosis (the cancer moved to a new location and spread), what the last week of her life was like and, what he was now doing with his life. We each continued our shopping after over an hour of chatting and I bumped into a man who came to the house to help me put up the pool in the Spring. His wife is currently in treatment for cancer. She has completed her radiation treatment but still has a month of chemotherapy before she can ring that bell.
They had been at the hospital earlier that day and she spoke about her treatment in a matter-of-fact tone, clearly used to the processes, explaining the machines and technicalities. This man clearly loves his wife. I pray that she survives and they live to tell the next generation all about it and inspire others.
I couldn't help but wonder, why do some people survive while others do not? You read about "cures" like oxygen therapy, an alkaline diet, the powers of turmeric and other superfoods, the power of cannabis oil is on Facebook every day but people are still dying. It is all so confusing. I read a beautiful book by Bernie Siegel, The Art of Healing, a few years ago because I am an art therapist and he offers art groups for his patients. He talks about the power of symbols in drawings and states that he can tell how patients perceive their cancer and the recommended treatment by what they draw. Drawings can also give a physician additional information about the affected organ, something patients know without it being part of their conscious wisdom.
Dr. Siegel's prescriptions are out of the ordinary. They include art and self expression, interpreting dreams, being in the present, laughing, hanging out with animals and staying positive (words, thoughts, beliefs). He believes that illness often comes from a place of trauma, where the feelings are stuck because they have never been expressed. Dr. Siegel predicts which patients will have a better survival rate on his website www.berniesiegelmd.com, here is a glimpse:
"When people have a sense of meaning in their life, express anger and emotions appropriately in defence of themselves, ask for help from family and friends, participate in their health care decisions, say no to what they choose not to do, find time to do what they enjoy and to play, use their feelings to help them to heal their lives and do not live a role but an authentic life, they will always do better than expected". He also mentions the importance of NOT interpreting their illness as a punishment from GOD.
If you are diagnosed with a cancer, get a journal and some colouring pencils then read through one of Dr. Siegel's books. His exercises are meant to get you thinking about your life and listening to your emotions. The art can help you release painful emotions. Join a group to reduce isolation and focus on what you enjoy. There is no room for negative people in your life. Live fully in the moment, as your authentic self and laugh often. Dealing with a life-threatening illness can result in feeling powerless. These are all things you can do to help heal your life.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Wednesday, 1 June 2016
Steven Vincent Walsh-Biography
June 1st, 2016
As promised, here is the biography that was gathered over weeks of interviews with my husband, Vincent Walsh.
Vincent was born and raised in Mill Hill, London but his happiest times were in Edgware. He described his mother, Patricia Rosemary Walsh as feisty, funny, anxious, insecure and needy. His father, Edmund Christopher Walsh was creative, violent, mystical, angry and selfish.
Vincent is the eldest of five children. His sister Tracy is considered the most "normal" of the five. Lesley is a self-destructive alcoholic tortured by her relationship with her father. Daryl is a very funny, sweet, emotional guy who was torn into a thousand little pieces. Shelley is emotionally volatile, utterly selfish and given to horrendous mood swings.
As a child, Vincent was secretive and self-protective. "I lived in my own world, created by me. I looked for safety in my grandma's arms. I felt separated from the rest of the family on every level. I wondered what I was doing there most of the time". His favourite activities as a child were being in nature, going to the woods at his Aunt Catherine's house. He also loved getting lost in the woods behind his own home.
When I asked Vincent to share a story about his childhood, this is what he described:
"Every weekend I was released into the warm glow of my grandmother's care. Usually we would take the green line bus from outside of her flat in Edgware all the way down the Edgware road and into the centre of London. We would shop, eat, watch movies and revel in each other's company, the age between us being immaterial. Her flat was always warm and there was always delicious food to eat. Those weekends were what I lived for".
Vincent's home life while growing up was cold, violent, undisciplined and unpredictable. There was very little food and a depressing atmosphere that came from a mixture of fear and neglect. "There was constant fighting between my mother and father whenever he was around, after the fighting he would usually leave and, a little while later, she would find herself pregnant once again. Quite often I would see my mother with at least a black eye and some bruising. My mom slept late into the day even when we were young kids and I believe she was depressed at that time. We moved fairly often but it usually improved (houses and area) when we did".
"School offered me a respite from the calamities at home. I didn't like it that much. To me it seemed slow and pointless but somehow I was good at it. So good in fact that, in my second year of secondary school, two of my teachers perceived the damage that home life was inflicting on me and offered me a scholarship at a private school which I refused mostly because I felt that I stood out enough as it was already and, at a private school in London in 1969, I would have been the object of ridicule. As much for my undisciplined upbringing and my obvious working class roots. So I stayed where I was unwillingly and tolerated the mayhem until the soonest possible moment that I could escape both school and home".
During Vin's teen life, "London was evolving from decades of repression, sexually and socially and, the newfound morals of my generation were at utter odds to the ones that came before as it is with most generations and with good reason. Music, fashion and hairstyles, which were all closely intertwined at this point, was like total catnip to me. There were a few head turning acts at this time. But, none had the shock value, charisma, raw sexuality and talent of David Bowie. The added bonus was that my mother utterly hated him on sight thereby cementing my adoration and lifelong fanaticism. My personal rebellion was more in the form of doing everything and anything I could to be absolutely nothing like my family. This meant working and having a dream with a path attached to it which I follow to this day".
When it came time to choose a career, Vincent explains that: "At the end of the 60s and into the early 70s, the irresistible combined forces of the genius of Vidal Sassoon and the visceral pull of David Bowie left me unable to resist. Within them I found a nexus of freedom, creativity and rebellion that unlocked me. I became a hairstylist in 1972 and it has been the glue that held together my sometimes wobbly existence. It has provided me with food, clothing and shelter, stereophonic sound and technicolor daydreams. I owe far more to it than it ill ever owe to me. I have never been bored yet remain almost always mildly frustrated".
As a young adult, Vincent's aspirations were as follows:"I dreamed of being an astronaut first when I was 12 after staying up all night to watch Neil Armstrong land on the moon which, for me of course, was never going to happen. After I had been abducted by Bowie and Sassoon, my path became clearer and so did my dreams. I wanted to build a life on the foundation of working as much as possible and travelling every chance I got. I wanted to flee the sinking ship that was mid-70s England-crewed by my family. My first thought was South Africa but the widespread social violence of apartheid was too daunting. Then my thoughts roamed to Australia but it was simply too far away. Then, Canada...
Next, I asked Vincent about his love life. It was weird to hear him describe our relationship. "I first met my wife when she came and sat in my chair. I was deep in the weeds of feeling sorry for myself after a disorienting long-term relationship with a serial bolster and I was still licking my wounds so I resisted a very strong urge to ask her out on a date which I overcame with confidence a few months later". I listened intently as Vincent talked about our wedding day. "It had rained for almost two solid weeks leading up to the wedding day. Everything was drenched, wet and cold. The ceremony was due to be performed in the morning of Sunday, August the 15th, at a beautiful victorian farm house. As providence would have it the skies cleared the day before and the sun shone making everything absolutely perfect. This may have something to do with the French tradition of hanging a rosary on the washing line for good weather which worked like magic. It was slightly surreal in its perfection. After the short but delicate and beautiful ceremony, we socially lubricated our 55 guests with much champagne while we went off and had our pictures taken. The whole affair was sublime, gentle and perfect. So much so that we both agreed-wouldn't it be great if we could do it all again?
Our honeymoon was carefree days and nights at the Chateau Montebello where we ate and drank to our heart's content and thought about our future. Neither of us could comprehend at that moment. It remains set in stone as the bedrock four our lives. It will never be less than it was. My wife came to me in the early hours of the morning one day telling me that she had taken pregnancy test and that she was indeed pregnant. My response was a very excited: 'Show me!'.
Becoming a parent made me aware of how selfish I had been before having children and the almost overwhelming changes that would have to occur if I was going to become the parent I wanted to be. Becoming a parent emotionally brought me to my knees and I had to learn again how to stand then walk then run. I had never felt the depth of feelings that I have felt for my children and that scared the living daylights out of me. They are my world and I live for and through them. Only when I remembered what it was like to be child did I know how to become a man".
Vin's fondest memories of that time in his life: "The most powerful thing was in the first year, watching a new human being adapt and grow to the world around them, seeing a child take the first steps, eating new food and learning how to communicate were remarkable on a level I had never experienced before. It grabbed me by the heart and by the brain and didn't let go". I asked Vincent was he was most proud of regarding his parenting. "The learned ability to leave behind what had happened to me and try and give the children a chance in life that I'd never had, to hope". Asked what he would do differently..."I have to say that's a loaded question because of the experiences I have both from my childhood and early adulthood, I have plenty of scar tissue that I couldn't hide any longer but I realized that everything that happened to me led me to where I am today. So, in conclusion, I wouldn't change a thing, no regrets, only memories".
Vin describes his biggest accomplishment in life as: "Staying alive, learning, growing, facing and overcoming obstacles, being a father and a husband, learning who I was and enjoying life". His only regrets in life are: "I wanted to be an astronaut and a rock star, the rest is still up for grabs". I asked my husband if he is satisfied with his life so far. His response was: " Satisfied is not a descriptive enough term in my opinion. I am leaning more towards happy and delighted. It seems to me there is a smugness in 'satisfaction' and that is not what I am feeling".
The only thing Vincent would like to change about his current life is that he'd like to live in a warm climate "anytime now please"! I asked Vincent how he felt about aging. "The fact that my father died at 41 coloured my view before and after I reached that age. Before 41 I was terrified that the same fate would befall me. Leading away from it, every day became a gift and irreplaceable. But, in the words of someone much older and wiser than me, 'Everything I have two of, one of them hurts', that's aging.
There have been many teachers in my life. Some of them have inadvertently given me survival skills but only one cherished and nurtured me when I needed it the most and that was my paternal grandmother, Mary, whom I still miss to this day and I always will.
I have a really close friendship with a friend of mine, David, who was tortured and abused horribly by his father. It took us almost the entire course of our 50+ year relationship to come to terms with the abuse and to learn to talk about it with each other which was a great relief to both of us and cemented our relationship even further.
Another friend of mine is Lawrence. We've been friends for over 30 years. He has a 6 year old daughter which made him really shine in the past few years. He knows a lot of my shadows and he still chooses to be a friend of mine-I like that, that to me is cool. I don't seek out new friendships generally, I prefer them to happen organically whenever possible but I've recently embraced a friendship with someone who has all the hallmarks for the long haul. Welcome aboard, Daniel, Brother"!
Vincent reflected on the turning points in his life. "First one I think would have to be leaving school. It was a monotonous torture, doled out with violent military precision by former WW2 officers masquerading as teachers. The next would be leaving England for Canada on my own with not even a clue of what I was doing or where I was going. Opening up my first business and swopping out tyrannical overlord status was up next. A failed marriage to humble me and a happy one to reward me. The children were the cherry, the icing-and the cream filling all wrapped up in one".
What lessons would Vincent like to communicate to the next generation? "Don't worry so much. Problems come and problems go. Love is forever. Worry is temporary. Eat the dessert, drink the wine, jump in the ocean, one day you won't be able to do those things and you'll wish you had. Remember, memories-no regrets. I'd like to be remembered for trying and eventually succeeding to live life on my own terms. For being the best father and husband that I could possibly be and seeing the rewards in another generation".
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
As promised, here is the biography that was gathered over weeks of interviews with my husband, Vincent Walsh.
Vincent was born and raised in Mill Hill, London but his happiest times were in Edgware. He described his mother, Patricia Rosemary Walsh as feisty, funny, anxious, insecure and needy. His father, Edmund Christopher Walsh was creative, violent, mystical, angry and selfish.
Vincent is the eldest of five children. His sister Tracy is considered the most "normal" of the five. Lesley is a self-destructive alcoholic tortured by her relationship with her father. Daryl is a very funny, sweet, emotional guy who was torn into a thousand little pieces. Shelley is emotionally volatile, utterly selfish and given to horrendous mood swings.
As a child, Vincent was secretive and self-protective. "I lived in my own world, created by me. I looked for safety in my grandma's arms. I felt separated from the rest of the family on every level. I wondered what I was doing there most of the time". His favourite activities as a child were being in nature, going to the woods at his Aunt Catherine's house. He also loved getting lost in the woods behind his own home.
When I asked Vincent to share a story about his childhood, this is what he described:
"Every weekend I was released into the warm glow of my grandmother's care. Usually we would take the green line bus from outside of her flat in Edgware all the way down the Edgware road and into the centre of London. We would shop, eat, watch movies and revel in each other's company, the age between us being immaterial. Her flat was always warm and there was always delicious food to eat. Those weekends were what I lived for".
Vincent's home life while growing up was cold, violent, undisciplined and unpredictable. There was very little food and a depressing atmosphere that came from a mixture of fear and neglect. "There was constant fighting between my mother and father whenever he was around, after the fighting he would usually leave and, a little while later, she would find herself pregnant once again. Quite often I would see my mother with at least a black eye and some bruising. My mom slept late into the day even when we were young kids and I believe she was depressed at that time. We moved fairly often but it usually improved (houses and area) when we did".
"School offered me a respite from the calamities at home. I didn't like it that much. To me it seemed slow and pointless but somehow I was good at it. So good in fact that, in my second year of secondary school, two of my teachers perceived the damage that home life was inflicting on me and offered me a scholarship at a private school which I refused mostly because I felt that I stood out enough as it was already and, at a private school in London in 1969, I would have been the object of ridicule. As much for my undisciplined upbringing and my obvious working class roots. So I stayed where I was unwillingly and tolerated the mayhem until the soonest possible moment that I could escape both school and home".
During Vin's teen life, "London was evolving from decades of repression, sexually and socially and, the newfound morals of my generation were at utter odds to the ones that came before as it is with most generations and with good reason. Music, fashion and hairstyles, which were all closely intertwined at this point, was like total catnip to me. There were a few head turning acts at this time. But, none had the shock value, charisma, raw sexuality and talent of David Bowie. The added bonus was that my mother utterly hated him on sight thereby cementing my adoration and lifelong fanaticism. My personal rebellion was more in the form of doing everything and anything I could to be absolutely nothing like my family. This meant working and having a dream with a path attached to it which I follow to this day".
When it came time to choose a career, Vincent explains that: "At the end of the 60s and into the early 70s, the irresistible combined forces of the genius of Vidal Sassoon and the visceral pull of David Bowie left me unable to resist. Within them I found a nexus of freedom, creativity and rebellion that unlocked me. I became a hairstylist in 1972 and it has been the glue that held together my sometimes wobbly existence. It has provided me with food, clothing and shelter, stereophonic sound and technicolor daydreams. I owe far more to it than it ill ever owe to me. I have never been bored yet remain almost always mildly frustrated".
As a young adult, Vincent's aspirations were as follows:"I dreamed of being an astronaut first when I was 12 after staying up all night to watch Neil Armstrong land on the moon which, for me of course, was never going to happen. After I had been abducted by Bowie and Sassoon, my path became clearer and so did my dreams. I wanted to build a life on the foundation of working as much as possible and travelling every chance I got. I wanted to flee the sinking ship that was mid-70s England-crewed by my family. My first thought was South Africa but the widespread social violence of apartheid was too daunting. Then my thoughts roamed to Australia but it was simply too far away. Then, Canada...
Next, I asked Vincent about his love life. It was weird to hear him describe our relationship. "I first met my wife when she came and sat in my chair. I was deep in the weeds of feeling sorry for myself after a disorienting long-term relationship with a serial bolster and I was still licking my wounds so I resisted a very strong urge to ask her out on a date which I overcame with confidence a few months later". I listened intently as Vincent talked about our wedding day. "It had rained for almost two solid weeks leading up to the wedding day. Everything was drenched, wet and cold. The ceremony was due to be performed in the morning of Sunday, August the 15th, at a beautiful victorian farm house. As providence would have it the skies cleared the day before and the sun shone making everything absolutely perfect. This may have something to do with the French tradition of hanging a rosary on the washing line for good weather which worked like magic. It was slightly surreal in its perfection. After the short but delicate and beautiful ceremony, we socially lubricated our 55 guests with much champagne while we went off and had our pictures taken. The whole affair was sublime, gentle and perfect. So much so that we both agreed-wouldn't it be great if we could do it all again?
Our honeymoon was carefree days and nights at the Chateau Montebello where we ate and drank to our heart's content and thought about our future. Neither of us could comprehend at that moment. It remains set in stone as the bedrock four our lives. It will never be less than it was. My wife came to me in the early hours of the morning one day telling me that she had taken pregnancy test and that she was indeed pregnant. My response was a very excited: 'Show me!'.
Becoming a parent made me aware of how selfish I had been before having children and the almost overwhelming changes that would have to occur if I was going to become the parent I wanted to be. Becoming a parent emotionally brought me to my knees and I had to learn again how to stand then walk then run. I had never felt the depth of feelings that I have felt for my children and that scared the living daylights out of me. They are my world and I live for and through them. Only when I remembered what it was like to be child did I know how to become a man".
Vin's fondest memories of that time in his life: "The most powerful thing was in the first year, watching a new human being adapt and grow to the world around them, seeing a child take the first steps, eating new food and learning how to communicate were remarkable on a level I had never experienced before. It grabbed me by the heart and by the brain and didn't let go". I asked Vincent was he was most proud of regarding his parenting. "The learned ability to leave behind what had happened to me and try and give the children a chance in life that I'd never had, to hope". Asked what he would do differently..."I have to say that's a loaded question because of the experiences I have both from my childhood and early adulthood, I have plenty of scar tissue that I couldn't hide any longer but I realized that everything that happened to me led me to where I am today. So, in conclusion, I wouldn't change a thing, no regrets, only memories".
Vin describes his biggest accomplishment in life as: "Staying alive, learning, growing, facing and overcoming obstacles, being a father and a husband, learning who I was and enjoying life". His only regrets in life are: "I wanted to be an astronaut and a rock star, the rest is still up for grabs". I asked my husband if he is satisfied with his life so far. His response was: " Satisfied is not a descriptive enough term in my opinion. I am leaning more towards happy and delighted. It seems to me there is a smugness in 'satisfaction' and that is not what I am feeling".
The only thing Vincent would like to change about his current life is that he'd like to live in a warm climate "anytime now please"! I asked Vincent how he felt about aging. "The fact that my father died at 41 coloured my view before and after I reached that age. Before 41 I was terrified that the same fate would befall me. Leading away from it, every day became a gift and irreplaceable. But, in the words of someone much older and wiser than me, 'Everything I have two of, one of them hurts', that's aging.
There have been many teachers in my life. Some of them have inadvertently given me survival skills but only one cherished and nurtured me when I needed it the most and that was my paternal grandmother, Mary, whom I still miss to this day and I always will.
I have a really close friendship with a friend of mine, David, who was tortured and abused horribly by his father. It took us almost the entire course of our 50+ year relationship to come to terms with the abuse and to learn to talk about it with each other which was a great relief to both of us and cemented our relationship even further.
Another friend of mine is Lawrence. We've been friends for over 30 years. He has a 6 year old daughter which made him really shine in the past few years. He knows a lot of my shadows and he still chooses to be a friend of mine-I like that, that to me is cool. I don't seek out new friendships generally, I prefer them to happen organically whenever possible but I've recently embraced a friendship with someone who has all the hallmarks for the long haul. Welcome aboard, Daniel, Brother"!
Vincent reflected on the turning points in his life. "First one I think would have to be leaving school. It was a monotonous torture, doled out with violent military precision by former WW2 officers masquerading as teachers. The next would be leaving England for Canada on my own with not even a clue of what I was doing or where I was going. Opening up my first business and swopping out tyrannical overlord status was up next. A failed marriage to humble me and a happy one to reward me. The children were the cherry, the icing-and the cream filling all wrapped up in one".
What lessons would Vincent like to communicate to the next generation? "Don't worry so much. Problems come and problems go. Love is forever. Worry is temporary. Eat the dessert, drink the wine, jump in the ocean, one day you won't be able to do those things and you'll wish you had. Remember, memories-no regrets. I'd like to be remembered for trying and eventually succeeding to live life on my own terms. For being the best father and husband that I could possibly be and seeing the rewards in another generation".
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
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