June 9th, 2016
Yesterday, I went to Juice 97.5FM for an interview with Diana Fisher. We were promoting the book launch for my second children's book, The Story of Poobum and Pompom. This morning, I got to listen to the interview before I drove to the grocery store. I was proud of my interview because it gave me the opportunity to share the inspiration for the book, my own experience with my eldest daughter, Molly, when my youngest, Stella, was born. My intention in writing the book was to help other parents through this transition. It was such a challenging time for us as a family.
As I drove to the store, thinking about my life seven years ago and how far we have come, a title popped into my head, The Mommy Monologues. I remember when the Vagina Monologues just hit the stage. It was so controversial, women talking about their vaginas. Each vagina story revealed a different aspect of women- their femininity, sexuality, vulnerability, creativity and power. I was struck by how women struggle these days in their roles as mothers. Times have changed, women are liberated, they have so many choices-have a child, don't have a child, get married, don't get married, take maternity leave or return to work, work from home or work outside the home (just to name a few). You would think that would empower women but there is so much variety in the way we mother as well as judgment among moms.
Women may feel guilty if they wish to return to work soon after having their child. They may feel pressured to take the year off because they can. Others may want to stay home longer but need to return to work for financial reasons. The way we parent can be very different, the level of involvement, emotional availability and sharing, discipline, values, spiritual education of children etc. We have all these options but considerably less support during those important years of adjustment to our new role.
Becoming a parent changes you and it certainly impacts your relationship with your partner. We need more support as women in our important role as mothers. We also need more diversity in our stories and portrayals of mothers-working moms, stay-at-home moms, mothers with mental illnesses, mothers struggling with addictions or suffering through physical, emotional, sexual abuse, incarcerated mothers, mothers on welfare, moms with cancer, lesbian moms, adoptive moms, surrogate moms, step-moms, moms who never got to take their babies home-man there is so much richness just waiting to be harvested!
Wouldn't it be cool to have the Mommy Monologues, a play where a wide range of mothers get to share their story, something that will speak to each mother in the audience regardless of who she is and what she is going through, an experience that would breed compassion for every type of mom, celebrate our resilience and help others understand what mothering is like when your life is in a totally different reality.
I just had the title float through my mind today, it will simmer for a while until I can find a way to birth it and share it. This is a very exciting idea and I will savour it-its newness and potential, for just a while longer.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Thursday, 9 June 2016
Wednesday, 8 June 2016
I Got the Music in Me
June 8th, 2016
Listen to a song from your childhood and you are immediately transported back in time. Music (and smells) have that power. Music can alter your mood and help you heal faster. I recall the year I was hired to co-run a daycare. I was loving my job for two days and then I went down hard with some kind of flu. They told me everyone who starts working with children gets this flu, it's your body's response to the abundance of germs all hanging out in one place. I slept all day for two days in a row. Then, I decided to listen to music on my "walkman". By the end of Side A of my cassette tape, I was up and dancing. I knew I was on the mend. I know from experience that listening to some really engaging music can lead to a speeding ticket-it was worth it. I have watched the power of music transform older adults on a dementia unit from lethargic to engaged and, non-verbal residents to karaoke artists. I have used music in my work with children to get their energy out (with a fast tempo) then help them relax through a slow, instrumental soundtrack.
In my workshops with adults, I often have them create a collage of their intention then we visualize how it would look if their intention was manifested. We top it all off by associating a soundtrack with the feeling of this manifestation. I have used this myself whenever I set goals. I would love for you to experience the power of music to keep you in the feeling of your intentions for the months ahead. Let's try it together.
We have many dimensions to our lives: finances, family, work, growth, friendship, spiritual, health etc. Rate your level of satisfaction from 1-10 for each segment of your life. You may have different sections than the ones named above, please choose your own names for each category.
Next, choose the area you feel most needs your attention (lowest satisfaction rating).
Third, identify your intention for that area of your life, make it specific and concrete. E.g. I will lose 15 pounds before Christmas so I feel confident enough to go swimming with the kids during our trip or I will apply to five new jobs each week until I find something fulfilling that uses my skills. Notice that both examples contain four parts:
1-An action statement, I will
2-A concrete measurement, 15 pounds or five jobs
3-A timeline, before Christmas or each week
4-A payoff, swimming with the children or a fulfilling job
Write your own intentional statement then gather images from Google images, magazines or your own photos to show what your life would be like if you manifested your intention. You could also draw, paint or sculpt it. Once you have a visual for your intention, try to engage all your sense. What would you hear, see, feel, smell or taste if you were living this manifestation? Use your imagination to live this reality in your mind. Give it a descriptive title like Anne's Hot Bod for the Holidays or Living My Bliss! Finally, choose a soundtrack that matches the emotions of living this dream. Buy the song on iTunes or google it on You Tube and play it at least once a day. You'll see that even when you don't feel energized and are doubting yourself, just playing the song will bring you right back to the positive emotional state you associate with the manifestation of your intention.
Good luck! I'd love to hear examples of how people have applied this activity. Please feel free to e-mail me.
Anne Walsh
artnsoul@ripnet.com
www.artnsoul.org
Listen to a song from your childhood and you are immediately transported back in time. Music (and smells) have that power. Music can alter your mood and help you heal faster. I recall the year I was hired to co-run a daycare. I was loving my job for two days and then I went down hard with some kind of flu. They told me everyone who starts working with children gets this flu, it's your body's response to the abundance of germs all hanging out in one place. I slept all day for two days in a row. Then, I decided to listen to music on my "walkman". By the end of Side A of my cassette tape, I was up and dancing. I knew I was on the mend. I know from experience that listening to some really engaging music can lead to a speeding ticket-it was worth it. I have watched the power of music transform older adults on a dementia unit from lethargic to engaged and, non-verbal residents to karaoke artists. I have used music in my work with children to get their energy out (with a fast tempo) then help them relax through a slow, instrumental soundtrack.
In my workshops with adults, I often have them create a collage of their intention then we visualize how it would look if their intention was manifested. We top it all off by associating a soundtrack with the feeling of this manifestation. I have used this myself whenever I set goals. I would love for you to experience the power of music to keep you in the feeling of your intentions for the months ahead. Let's try it together.
We have many dimensions to our lives: finances, family, work, growth, friendship, spiritual, health etc. Rate your level of satisfaction from 1-10 for each segment of your life. You may have different sections than the ones named above, please choose your own names for each category.
Next, choose the area you feel most needs your attention (lowest satisfaction rating).
Third, identify your intention for that area of your life, make it specific and concrete. E.g. I will lose 15 pounds before Christmas so I feel confident enough to go swimming with the kids during our trip or I will apply to five new jobs each week until I find something fulfilling that uses my skills. Notice that both examples contain four parts:
1-An action statement, I will
2-A concrete measurement, 15 pounds or five jobs
3-A timeline, before Christmas or each week
4-A payoff, swimming with the children or a fulfilling job
Write your own intentional statement then gather images from Google images, magazines or your own photos to show what your life would be like if you manifested your intention. You could also draw, paint or sculpt it. Once you have a visual for your intention, try to engage all your sense. What would you hear, see, feel, smell or taste if you were living this manifestation? Use your imagination to live this reality in your mind. Give it a descriptive title like Anne's Hot Bod for the Holidays or Living My Bliss! Finally, choose a soundtrack that matches the emotions of living this dream. Buy the song on iTunes or google it on You Tube and play it at least once a day. You'll see that even when you don't feel energized and are doubting yourself, just playing the song will bring you right back to the positive emotional state you associate with the manifestation of your intention.
Good luck! I'd love to hear examples of how people have applied this activity. Please feel free to e-mail me.
Anne Walsh
artnsoul@ripnet.com
www.artnsoul.org
Tuesday, 7 June 2016
Quality of Life
June 7th, 2016
Years ago, I was hired to complete quality of life surveys in Chronic Care Hospitals throughout Ontario. I loved this work because I got to sit with patients and talk for a bit before and after each survey. They would tell me why they were there and what they missed about being healthy and at home. I got to learn from them what made their stay at the hospital more tolerable. There were hospitals where staff welcomed us and others where we were definitely not wanted. I could get a sense of each unit by the way staff interacted, or failed to interact, with the patients. I saw a lot of lonely individuals but I was also impressed with their resilience. Some people remained optimistic despite really tragic situations.
One of the favorite parts of my job was the challenge of communicating with individuals whose ability to speak was impaired. Some people had computers attached to their wheelchairs. They would move their eyes, tongues or fingers and the computer would type a message. In some cases what they wrote would be spoken out loud by the computer. I would scroll through the lists of names that were deemed unable to complete the interview and I would visit these patients. We would usually find a way to complete the interview which thrilled me. It came down to decoding their language. I would ask Yes/No questions then encourage them to blink, look up or down, stick out their tongue, lift a finger or raise eyebrows in order to say yes. I think these interactions led me to my future career in art therapy. I was so moved by the experience of understanding someone's language, of knowing that this person's voice was heard despite the challenges we faced. Art therapy also gives a voice to individuals who feel invisible, mute or otherwise limited in their ability to express themselves.
I was touched by the simple things that improved quality of life-privacy (knock before you enter a room), kindness (staff who spoke to them and made eye contact every time they entered their room to administer care), connection (having opportunities to interact with others through recreational programs or volunteer visits) and dignity (being treated with respect, not like a number or an inanimate object). There was a really intelligent woman paralyzed from the neck down. She missed having intellectual stimulation. In my time with her we found a wand that she could wear with a band strapped to her head. We could obtain a book holder and use the wand to turn the pages as she read books. She was ecstatic at the thought of reading again. I had suggested audio books initially but she was visual and the audio books did not engage her, she would fall asleep. I thought about this woman for some time after our interview. I can't imagine how difficult it would be to have a perfectly functional brain but an unresponsive body-to have all these ideas and never be able to act on them.
When I wrote my art therapy thesis, I examined the factors that contribute to quality of life and mental health for older adults living in long term care. My goal was to link self-expression through art therapy to each factor. I can now see how each factor would be challenged during a hospital stay.
You are admitted to the hospital because you are no longer able to function the way you used to, you are cut off from your neighbourhood, family and friends, you depend on others for food, hygiene, entertainment, you have less control over your life and you don't have a well-defined purpose when you get up in the morning.
Once in a while, when I feel bummed by events in my life, I remind myself that I am so very lucky that I can get up on my own, drive where I want to go, eat, make plans, choose the activities that fill my day and interact with many lovely individuals along the way.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Years ago, I was hired to complete quality of life surveys in Chronic Care Hospitals throughout Ontario. I loved this work because I got to sit with patients and talk for a bit before and after each survey. They would tell me why they were there and what they missed about being healthy and at home. I got to learn from them what made their stay at the hospital more tolerable. There were hospitals where staff welcomed us and others where we were definitely not wanted. I could get a sense of each unit by the way staff interacted, or failed to interact, with the patients. I saw a lot of lonely individuals but I was also impressed with their resilience. Some people remained optimistic despite really tragic situations.
One of the favorite parts of my job was the challenge of communicating with individuals whose ability to speak was impaired. Some people had computers attached to their wheelchairs. They would move their eyes, tongues or fingers and the computer would type a message. In some cases what they wrote would be spoken out loud by the computer. I would scroll through the lists of names that were deemed unable to complete the interview and I would visit these patients. We would usually find a way to complete the interview which thrilled me. It came down to decoding their language. I would ask Yes/No questions then encourage them to blink, look up or down, stick out their tongue, lift a finger or raise eyebrows in order to say yes. I think these interactions led me to my future career in art therapy. I was so moved by the experience of understanding someone's language, of knowing that this person's voice was heard despite the challenges we faced. Art therapy also gives a voice to individuals who feel invisible, mute or otherwise limited in their ability to express themselves.
I was touched by the simple things that improved quality of life-privacy (knock before you enter a room), kindness (staff who spoke to them and made eye contact every time they entered their room to administer care), connection (having opportunities to interact with others through recreational programs or volunteer visits) and dignity (being treated with respect, not like a number or an inanimate object). There was a really intelligent woman paralyzed from the neck down. She missed having intellectual stimulation. In my time with her we found a wand that she could wear with a band strapped to her head. We could obtain a book holder and use the wand to turn the pages as she read books. She was ecstatic at the thought of reading again. I had suggested audio books initially but she was visual and the audio books did not engage her, she would fall asleep. I thought about this woman for some time after our interview. I can't imagine how difficult it would be to have a perfectly functional brain but an unresponsive body-to have all these ideas and never be able to act on them.
When I wrote my art therapy thesis, I examined the factors that contribute to quality of life and mental health for older adults living in long term care. My goal was to link self-expression through art therapy to each factor. I can now see how each factor would be challenged during a hospital stay.
You are admitted to the hospital because you are no longer able to function the way you used to, you are cut off from your neighbourhood, family and friends, you depend on others for food, hygiene, entertainment, you have less control over your life and you don't have a well-defined purpose when you get up in the morning.
Once in a while, when I feel bummed by events in my life, I remind myself that I am so very lucky that I can get up on my own, drive where I want to go, eat, make plans, choose the activities that fill my day and interact with many lovely individuals along the way.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Monday, 6 June 2016
It Takes A Village
June 6th, 2016
We've all heard the expression: "It takes a village to raise a child". However, I have been thinking a lot lately about the power of community as an entrepreneur.
I was raised in the city and, as a child, I got to know the kids in my neighbourhood but the adults didn't mingle unless their children were friends. You could live three years within spitting distance of your neighbours and never get to know them. They were a mystery-their name, occupation, secrets, aspirations etc.
When I moved to the country, one of the things I loved was the way everyone seemed to know each other. Initially it's challenging because you are an outsider but as people see you around, as you get involved with various groups, as you cross paths, you forge connections and people and places become familiar. You reach a comfort level and a feeling of belonging. My children hate running errands with me because we bump into people I know and I like to chat which prolongs each errand much to their chagrin.
As an entrepreneur, sometimes, your biggest struggle is getting people to try your product or service. Word of mouth is a powerful tool in a rural community but only if someone has tried your services. There are so many expenses involved in starting a business-website, business cards, social media, marketing, inventory, staff, taxes, professional memberships, cell phone and e-mail accounts just to name a few. The advantage of being a part of a small community is you will find that many people are willing to connect you with the right resource and you help each other out.
I have been so fortunate to meet the right people who have connected me to amazing professionals. This past year has been focused primarily on working with children and teenagers within the school system. I was lucky that Mme Graham, then a Grade 3 teacher, allowed me to offer my creativity workshops to her students. Shelley Mitchell connected me to Oxford-on-Rideau Public School when they were searching for someone to run a few after-school art programs in November and December 2014. Tia Akse introduced me to Meredith Luce who became the illustrator of my deck of cards and books. My walking buddy, Chris Turnbull, brought Andrew McManaman, a first-year film student, into my life just when I needed someone to film my workshops. Mandy Moodie at Classic Graphics is super talented and constantly sets up posters or documents for me so they look professional. Maggie Boyer and David Shanahan empowered me to write a bunch of articles on topics of interest to me. Their paper, The NG Times, connected me to this community in a way I had never experienced and, they helped me publish my first book which gave me the confidence to write a second one. Jocelyne Elliott invited me into her Grade 2 class for my Have You Hugged Your Alien? workshop and sang my praises at the parent council. The Parent Council applied for funding so I could develop three workshops to improve communication among family members. The grant was approved and I had the pleasure of meeting so many local parents and children in the process. Bev Illauq invited me to the Catholic District School Board Community Partner Day two years ago. This led to me meeting Michelle Neville who has been a great resource and liaison for me. Anita Mitra, a teacher at the Smiths Falls District High School welcomed me into her High Arts program for a half day stress management workshop with her talented students. The North Grenville Public Library who is hosting my book launch. Jim Beveridge at B&H Your Community Grocer who not only supplies the empty boxes to organize my supplies for workshops but who has also offered to display my books for sale in his store at no cost to me. Are you out of breath yet?
As an entrepreneur, you depend on people to give you a chance, to tell others about your business, to sing your praises and to refer clients to you. You also grow as a business when people use local services and help each other out. I am so grateful to live in a rural community where people promote one another and celebrate each other's successes. Thank you Kemptville for your support and encouragement! I couldn't have made it this far without you.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
We've all heard the expression: "It takes a village to raise a child". However, I have been thinking a lot lately about the power of community as an entrepreneur.
I was raised in the city and, as a child, I got to know the kids in my neighbourhood but the adults didn't mingle unless their children were friends. You could live three years within spitting distance of your neighbours and never get to know them. They were a mystery-their name, occupation, secrets, aspirations etc.
When I moved to the country, one of the things I loved was the way everyone seemed to know each other. Initially it's challenging because you are an outsider but as people see you around, as you get involved with various groups, as you cross paths, you forge connections and people and places become familiar. You reach a comfort level and a feeling of belonging. My children hate running errands with me because we bump into people I know and I like to chat which prolongs each errand much to their chagrin.
As an entrepreneur, sometimes, your biggest struggle is getting people to try your product or service. Word of mouth is a powerful tool in a rural community but only if someone has tried your services. There are so many expenses involved in starting a business-website, business cards, social media, marketing, inventory, staff, taxes, professional memberships, cell phone and e-mail accounts just to name a few. The advantage of being a part of a small community is you will find that many people are willing to connect you with the right resource and you help each other out.
I have been so fortunate to meet the right people who have connected me to amazing professionals. This past year has been focused primarily on working with children and teenagers within the school system. I was lucky that Mme Graham, then a Grade 3 teacher, allowed me to offer my creativity workshops to her students. Shelley Mitchell connected me to Oxford-on-Rideau Public School when they were searching for someone to run a few after-school art programs in November and December 2014. Tia Akse introduced me to Meredith Luce who became the illustrator of my deck of cards and books. My walking buddy, Chris Turnbull, brought Andrew McManaman, a first-year film student, into my life just when I needed someone to film my workshops. Mandy Moodie at Classic Graphics is super talented and constantly sets up posters or documents for me so they look professional. Maggie Boyer and David Shanahan empowered me to write a bunch of articles on topics of interest to me. Their paper, The NG Times, connected me to this community in a way I had never experienced and, they helped me publish my first book which gave me the confidence to write a second one. Jocelyne Elliott invited me into her Grade 2 class for my Have You Hugged Your Alien? workshop and sang my praises at the parent council. The Parent Council applied for funding so I could develop three workshops to improve communication among family members. The grant was approved and I had the pleasure of meeting so many local parents and children in the process. Bev Illauq invited me to the Catholic District School Board Community Partner Day two years ago. This led to me meeting Michelle Neville who has been a great resource and liaison for me. Anita Mitra, a teacher at the Smiths Falls District High School welcomed me into her High Arts program for a half day stress management workshop with her talented students. The North Grenville Public Library who is hosting my book launch. Jim Beveridge at B&H Your Community Grocer who not only supplies the empty boxes to organize my supplies for workshops but who has also offered to display my books for sale in his store at no cost to me. Are you out of breath yet?
As an entrepreneur, you depend on people to give you a chance, to tell others about your business, to sing your praises and to refer clients to you. You also grow as a business when people use local services and help each other out. I am so grateful to live in a rural community where people promote one another and celebrate each other's successes. Thank you Kemptville for your support and encouragement! I couldn't have made it this far without you.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Friday, 3 June 2016
Yazdani
June 3rd, 2016
I don't know about you but there are lots of people out there who fear dentists. They wait until they are in severe pain before they call to schedule an appointment, when they are desperate for relief. By then, they require a root canal and their worst nightmare becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. I am fortunate that I have always had great dentists. My mother and my eldest daughter were not so lucky.
Some friends of ours recommended we try Yazdani Dentistry on Saunders street in Kemptville. I needed to find a new dentist for my daughter that was more-kid-friendly so she could lose her fear of going to the dentist's office. My eldest daughter is very sweet, kind-hearted, gentle and generous and I love her to bits but she has this thing about textures.
When I buy clothing, she doesn't like anything with a seam at the chest, it can't have an image on it with a rubber-feeling backing on the inside (too sticky), she doesn't like certain fabrics like lycra, nylon, spandex etc (too slippery), she hates being warm, she eats the same foods over and over again because they feel good in her mouth and, trying to get a toothpaste that she will actually use has been a nightmare.
She hates the taste of mint, orange, bubble gum, very berry etc. She tolerates the strawberry flavoured tooth paste but will only use a small amount. We argue more about tooth brushing and hygiene in general than anything else. I have to ask her multiple times to brush her teeth. I prepare her toothbrush otherwise she doesn't use any toothpaste and, I watch to make sure she doesn't just skim over it, 10 seconds, and spit it all out. The result of her disdain for tooth brushing is that areas at the back of her mouth get neglected. I tried rinses but they taste too strong for her. There is a cream that neutralizes acidity. It is very expensive. I bought a tube, she put some on herself the first night, gagged and immediately rushed to the towel and scraped it all off. When we go to the dentist's office, I feel embarrassed by the state of her teeth. I feel like a bad mom, like I have been neglectful. They can't know how much energy I waste fighting with her twice a day to get even minimal effort on her part.
I booked an appointment with the Yazdani office for a tour and a cleaning. My daughter and I were greeted by the hostess. The office is clean and flooded with sunlight. The hostess was very nice. She pointed out the waiting room which is filled with snacks, juice boxes and coffee and has rows of magazines plus a corner for toys.
As we walked through the office, we saw the state of the art equipment and friendly staff. We were led to one of the many stations where we waited for the dentist. I was asked to fill out paperwork. The questions were different from other offices. I had to provide the usual medical background information but they also wanted to know what was important to us and how they could make my daughter's experience as pleasant as possible. The dental hygienist asked Molly about her day and plans for the weekend. She spoke to her directly and took the time to connect with her. When her dentist, Angel, arrived, he was also pleasant and efficient. There was a television overhead so she was able to watch cartoons while they examined and cleaned her teeth. She received a welcome package and was instructed to pick a prize from the treasure box.
By the time we left there, I knew she would come willingly with me for her next appointment. We did need a follow-up appointment and that was today. I was nervous about her feeling pain during the procedure. I had forgotten the dentist's name so when Molly said her Angel was going to come and fix her teeth, I thought that was an odd comment. The dentist introduced himself as Angel and it clicked. They were going to work on the top left but Molly said her bottom left tooth was the worst. They quickly assessed the situation and focused on the tooth that was bothering her. I sat in the room and watched the entire procedure.
The dentist showed her how to use the chair massage button so she could relax during her appointment, he gave her some cool sunglasses to wear and talked to her in a caring manner. His humour and friendly demeanour helped her relax. The dental hygienist, Carley, explained what they were doing every step of the way. When it was time to numb her gums, she told her she should close her eyes because she needed to bring the light in for a closer look, that way Molly wouldn't see the needle. Later, when I asked my daughter if she had felt any pain, she assured me that she didn't. Both the dentist and the hygienist praised my daughter and encouraged her along the way. She watched the cartoon network program playing overhead and pressed the chair massage button from time to time (which she loved).
She picked a prize on her way out and we went home so she could rest while we waited for the numbness in her cheek and tongue to wear off. I was so relieved. My daughter liked the dentist's sense of humour. Molly wants to be the next Taylor Swift. When Angel heard about this he said he wanted her signature now before she got too famous. I am very happy that my daughter has lost her fear of dentists. I would highly recommend the Yazdani office for anyone wanting to feel cared for by competent, friendly professionals.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
I don't know about you but there are lots of people out there who fear dentists. They wait until they are in severe pain before they call to schedule an appointment, when they are desperate for relief. By then, they require a root canal and their worst nightmare becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. I am fortunate that I have always had great dentists. My mother and my eldest daughter were not so lucky.
Some friends of ours recommended we try Yazdani Dentistry on Saunders street in Kemptville. I needed to find a new dentist for my daughter that was more-kid-friendly so she could lose her fear of going to the dentist's office. My eldest daughter is very sweet, kind-hearted, gentle and generous and I love her to bits but she has this thing about textures.
When I buy clothing, she doesn't like anything with a seam at the chest, it can't have an image on it with a rubber-feeling backing on the inside (too sticky), she doesn't like certain fabrics like lycra, nylon, spandex etc (too slippery), she hates being warm, she eats the same foods over and over again because they feel good in her mouth and, trying to get a toothpaste that she will actually use has been a nightmare.
She hates the taste of mint, orange, bubble gum, very berry etc. She tolerates the strawberry flavoured tooth paste but will only use a small amount. We argue more about tooth brushing and hygiene in general than anything else. I have to ask her multiple times to brush her teeth. I prepare her toothbrush otherwise she doesn't use any toothpaste and, I watch to make sure she doesn't just skim over it, 10 seconds, and spit it all out. The result of her disdain for tooth brushing is that areas at the back of her mouth get neglected. I tried rinses but they taste too strong for her. There is a cream that neutralizes acidity. It is very expensive. I bought a tube, she put some on herself the first night, gagged and immediately rushed to the towel and scraped it all off. When we go to the dentist's office, I feel embarrassed by the state of her teeth. I feel like a bad mom, like I have been neglectful. They can't know how much energy I waste fighting with her twice a day to get even minimal effort on her part.
I booked an appointment with the Yazdani office for a tour and a cleaning. My daughter and I were greeted by the hostess. The office is clean and flooded with sunlight. The hostess was very nice. She pointed out the waiting room which is filled with snacks, juice boxes and coffee and has rows of magazines plus a corner for toys.
As we walked through the office, we saw the state of the art equipment and friendly staff. We were led to one of the many stations where we waited for the dentist. I was asked to fill out paperwork. The questions were different from other offices. I had to provide the usual medical background information but they also wanted to know what was important to us and how they could make my daughter's experience as pleasant as possible. The dental hygienist asked Molly about her day and plans for the weekend. She spoke to her directly and took the time to connect with her. When her dentist, Angel, arrived, he was also pleasant and efficient. There was a television overhead so she was able to watch cartoons while they examined and cleaned her teeth. She received a welcome package and was instructed to pick a prize from the treasure box.
By the time we left there, I knew she would come willingly with me for her next appointment. We did need a follow-up appointment and that was today. I was nervous about her feeling pain during the procedure. I had forgotten the dentist's name so when Molly said her Angel was going to come and fix her teeth, I thought that was an odd comment. The dentist introduced himself as Angel and it clicked. They were going to work on the top left but Molly said her bottom left tooth was the worst. They quickly assessed the situation and focused on the tooth that was bothering her. I sat in the room and watched the entire procedure.
The dentist showed her how to use the chair massage button so she could relax during her appointment, he gave her some cool sunglasses to wear and talked to her in a caring manner. His humour and friendly demeanour helped her relax. The dental hygienist, Carley, explained what they were doing every step of the way. When it was time to numb her gums, she told her she should close her eyes because she needed to bring the light in for a closer look, that way Molly wouldn't see the needle. Later, when I asked my daughter if she had felt any pain, she assured me that she didn't. Both the dentist and the hygienist praised my daughter and encouraged her along the way. She watched the cartoon network program playing overhead and pressed the chair massage button from time to time (which she loved).
She picked a prize on her way out and we went home so she could rest while we waited for the numbness in her cheek and tongue to wear off. I was so relieved. My daughter liked the dentist's sense of humour. Molly wants to be the next Taylor Swift. When Angel heard about this he said he wanted her signature now before she got too famous. I am very happy that my daughter has lost her fear of dentists. I would highly recommend the Yazdani office for anyone wanting to feel cared for by competent, friendly professionals.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Thursday, 2 June 2016
Book of the Week-The Abundance Code
June 2nd, 2016
I have just finished reading The Abundance Code by Julie Ann Cairns. She was one of the Hay House authors I listened to during the Hay House Summit. I was impressed with her interview, it really made me think so I decided to order her book.
The book's chapters dispel myths about money. Julie talks about the many myths we are taught as children and the impact they have on our success and happiness as we grow into adulthood. Her goal is to create doubt so the reader can stop believing in the myth and rewrite his or her own beliefs.
I examined some of my favourite moments growing up. None of them really had to do with money. I loved going to the beach, visiting my aunt Louise and going to my Grandmother's home in the country. Then I was asked to list some of my lowest moments. These were all times when I felt cut off from my loved ones like the year I spent in Montreal, studying and looking for work. I was broke and no one would hire me because I wasn't from Montreal. All my references were from Ottawa. I was in an amazing city with so many things to do but I couldn't afford to do them. I didn't know anyone and felt very lonely. What these two exercises did were outline how being in nature and feeling connected to others promoted wellness and joy while feeling isolated made really sad.
Next, I had to figure out how to associate wealth with what I love while imagining how money could help me avoid what I hate. If money was no object, I would go away each winter, somewhere warm and enjoy quality time with my family. We would travel a lot, learn about different cultures and taste different food.
The author compares roommates who are the same age and make comparable incomes. One was raised in a wealthy home and the other one wasn't. She explains their different approaches to every day life. I was shocked to see how similar my habits were to the roommate who grew up poor. I never carry big amounts of money and prefer using debit for purchases. The roommate who was raised in a wealthy family always carried a wad of cash with her because that felt normal to her. I am always paranoid when I have cash that I will lose it. It stresses me out.
Julie does a good job at illustrating how we learn to compete for what we perceive to be limited resources even though we live in a world of abundance. She shows us how we learn to see money as a reward for hard work, something we earned by working for a long time. She pointed out that many of us are able to make money but we can't hold onto it because we don't feel worthy of it. She asks what we do with our money-spend or invest?
I hadn't really thought about it but I do have some money I could invest. It's not that much but she says it doesn't need to be a big amount. Usually, when I get money, I spend it on my loved ones. I go out and buy stuff that I know people have wanted for some time but couldn't afford. I pay for experiences like sending my husband to the Rock N Roll hall of fame or getting the girls registered in a gymnastics class.
If I spend money on myself it's usually to complete a project I have been working on, like getting my book printed or paying someone to film my workshops. I like to see a tangible result. The other thing I spend money on is food. I keep our fridge full of food we love. It's a love and safety thing for me, an act of self-care to keep the provisions fully stocked. Growing up, my mother didn't make much money so our fridge was often bare. I don't want my daughters to ever feel hungry and helpless to do anything about it.
This book is an excellent tool because it shows you how each myth plays out in your life, then helps you change your perception about money so that you are feeling more positive about it. In the last chapter, you pick your most challenging beliefs about money and replace them with positive affirmations then you replace old habits with new behaviours. I am much more aware of the ways I sabotage my own success by either giving my services away or undercutting myself, always working harder than I have to because it's what I feel I have to do to earn and deserve money. I strongly urge anyone who is working hard and not getting ahead to read this book.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
I have just finished reading The Abundance Code by Julie Ann Cairns. She was one of the Hay House authors I listened to during the Hay House Summit. I was impressed with her interview, it really made me think so I decided to order her book.
The book's chapters dispel myths about money. Julie talks about the many myths we are taught as children and the impact they have on our success and happiness as we grow into adulthood. Her goal is to create doubt so the reader can stop believing in the myth and rewrite his or her own beliefs.
I examined some of my favourite moments growing up. None of them really had to do with money. I loved going to the beach, visiting my aunt Louise and going to my Grandmother's home in the country. Then I was asked to list some of my lowest moments. These were all times when I felt cut off from my loved ones like the year I spent in Montreal, studying and looking for work. I was broke and no one would hire me because I wasn't from Montreal. All my references were from Ottawa. I was in an amazing city with so many things to do but I couldn't afford to do them. I didn't know anyone and felt very lonely. What these two exercises did were outline how being in nature and feeling connected to others promoted wellness and joy while feeling isolated made really sad.
Next, I had to figure out how to associate wealth with what I love while imagining how money could help me avoid what I hate. If money was no object, I would go away each winter, somewhere warm and enjoy quality time with my family. We would travel a lot, learn about different cultures and taste different food.
The author compares roommates who are the same age and make comparable incomes. One was raised in a wealthy home and the other one wasn't. She explains their different approaches to every day life. I was shocked to see how similar my habits were to the roommate who grew up poor. I never carry big amounts of money and prefer using debit for purchases. The roommate who was raised in a wealthy family always carried a wad of cash with her because that felt normal to her. I am always paranoid when I have cash that I will lose it. It stresses me out.
Julie does a good job at illustrating how we learn to compete for what we perceive to be limited resources even though we live in a world of abundance. She shows us how we learn to see money as a reward for hard work, something we earned by working for a long time. She pointed out that many of us are able to make money but we can't hold onto it because we don't feel worthy of it. She asks what we do with our money-spend or invest?
I hadn't really thought about it but I do have some money I could invest. It's not that much but she says it doesn't need to be a big amount. Usually, when I get money, I spend it on my loved ones. I go out and buy stuff that I know people have wanted for some time but couldn't afford. I pay for experiences like sending my husband to the Rock N Roll hall of fame or getting the girls registered in a gymnastics class.
If I spend money on myself it's usually to complete a project I have been working on, like getting my book printed or paying someone to film my workshops. I like to see a tangible result. The other thing I spend money on is food. I keep our fridge full of food we love. It's a love and safety thing for me, an act of self-care to keep the provisions fully stocked. Growing up, my mother didn't make much money so our fridge was often bare. I don't want my daughters to ever feel hungry and helpless to do anything about it.
This book is an excellent tool because it shows you how each myth plays out in your life, then helps you change your perception about money so that you are feeling more positive about it. In the last chapter, you pick your most challenging beliefs about money and replace them with positive affirmations then you replace old habits with new behaviours. I am much more aware of the ways I sabotage my own success by either giving my services away or undercutting myself, always working harder than I have to because it's what I feel I have to do to earn and deserve money. I strongly urge anyone who is working hard and not getting ahead to read this book.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Wednesday, 1 June 2016
Steven Vincent Walsh-Biography
June 1st, 2016
As promised, here is the biography that was gathered over weeks of interviews with my husband, Vincent Walsh.
Vincent was born and raised in Mill Hill, London but his happiest times were in Edgware. He described his mother, Patricia Rosemary Walsh as feisty, funny, anxious, insecure and needy. His father, Edmund Christopher Walsh was creative, violent, mystical, angry and selfish.
Vincent is the eldest of five children. His sister Tracy is considered the most "normal" of the five. Lesley is a self-destructive alcoholic tortured by her relationship with her father. Daryl is a very funny, sweet, emotional guy who was torn into a thousand little pieces. Shelley is emotionally volatile, utterly selfish and given to horrendous mood swings.
As a child, Vincent was secretive and self-protective. "I lived in my own world, created by me. I looked for safety in my grandma's arms. I felt separated from the rest of the family on every level. I wondered what I was doing there most of the time". His favourite activities as a child were being in nature, going to the woods at his Aunt Catherine's house. He also loved getting lost in the woods behind his own home.
When I asked Vincent to share a story about his childhood, this is what he described:
"Every weekend I was released into the warm glow of my grandmother's care. Usually we would take the green line bus from outside of her flat in Edgware all the way down the Edgware road and into the centre of London. We would shop, eat, watch movies and revel in each other's company, the age between us being immaterial. Her flat was always warm and there was always delicious food to eat. Those weekends were what I lived for".
Vincent's home life while growing up was cold, violent, undisciplined and unpredictable. There was very little food and a depressing atmosphere that came from a mixture of fear and neglect. "There was constant fighting between my mother and father whenever he was around, after the fighting he would usually leave and, a little while later, she would find herself pregnant once again. Quite often I would see my mother with at least a black eye and some bruising. My mom slept late into the day even when we were young kids and I believe she was depressed at that time. We moved fairly often but it usually improved (houses and area) when we did".
"School offered me a respite from the calamities at home. I didn't like it that much. To me it seemed slow and pointless but somehow I was good at it. So good in fact that, in my second year of secondary school, two of my teachers perceived the damage that home life was inflicting on me and offered me a scholarship at a private school which I refused mostly because I felt that I stood out enough as it was already and, at a private school in London in 1969, I would have been the object of ridicule. As much for my undisciplined upbringing and my obvious working class roots. So I stayed where I was unwillingly and tolerated the mayhem until the soonest possible moment that I could escape both school and home".
During Vin's teen life, "London was evolving from decades of repression, sexually and socially and, the newfound morals of my generation were at utter odds to the ones that came before as it is with most generations and with good reason. Music, fashion and hairstyles, which were all closely intertwined at this point, was like total catnip to me. There were a few head turning acts at this time. But, none had the shock value, charisma, raw sexuality and talent of David Bowie. The added bonus was that my mother utterly hated him on sight thereby cementing my adoration and lifelong fanaticism. My personal rebellion was more in the form of doing everything and anything I could to be absolutely nothing like my family. This meant working and having a dream with a path attached to it which I follow to this day".
When it came time to choose a career, Vincent explains that: "At the end of the 60s and into the early 70s, the irresistible combined forces of the genius of Vidal Sassoon and the visceral pull of David Bowie left me unable to resist. Within them I found a nexus of freedom, creativity and rebellion that unlocked me. I became a hairstylist in 1972 and it has been the glue that held together my sometimes wobbly existence. It has provided me with food, clothing and shelter, stereophonic sound and technicolor daydreams. I owe far more to it than it ill ever owe to me. I have never been bored yet remain almost always mildly frustrated".
As a young adult, Vincent's aspirations were as follows:"I dreamed of being an astronaut first when I was 12 after staying up all night to watch Neil Armstrong land on the moon which, for me of course, was never going to happen. After I had been abducted by Bowie and Sassoon, my path became clearer and so did my dreams. I wanted to build a life on the foundation of working as much as possible and travelling every chance I got. I wanted to flee the sinking ship that was mid-70s England-crewed by my family. My first thought was South Africa but the widespread social violence of apartheid was too daunting. Then my thoughts roamed to Australia but it was simply too far away. Then, Canada...
Next, I asked Vincent about his love life. It was weird to hear him describe our relationship. "I first met my wife when she came and sat in my chair. I was deep in the weeds of feeling sorry for myself after a disorienting long-term relationship with a serial bolster and I was still licking my wounds so I resisted a very strong urge to ask her out on a date which I overcame with confidence a few months later". I listened intently as Vincent talked about our wedding day. "It had rained for almost two solid weeks leading up to the wedding day. Everything was drenched, wet and cold. The ceremony was due to be performed in the morning of Sunday, August the 15th, at a beautiful victorian farm house. As providence would have it the skies cleared the day before and the sun shone making everything absolutely perfect. This may have something to do with the French tradition of hanging a rosary on the washing line for good weather which worked like magic. It was slightly surreal in its perfection. After the short but delicate and beautiful ceremony, we socially lubricated our 55 guests with much champagne while we went off and had our pictures taken. The whole affair was sublime, gentle and perfect. So much so that we both agreed-wouldn't it be great if we could do it all again?
Our honeymoon was carefree days and nights at the Chateau Montebello where we ate and drank to our heart's content and thought about our future. Neither of us could comprehend at that moment. It remains set in stone as the bedrock four our lives. It will never be less than it was. My wife came to me in the early hours of the morning one day telling me that she had taken pregnancy test and that she was indeed pregnant. My response was a very excited: 'Show me!'.
Becoming a parent made me aware of how selfish I had been before having children and the almost overwhelming changes that would have to occur if I was going to become the parent I wanted to be. Becoming a parent emotionally brought me to my knees and I had to learn again how to stand then walk then run. I had never felt the depth of feelings that I have felt for my children and that scared the living daylights out of me. They are my world and I live for and through them. Only when I remembered what it was like to be child did I know how to become a man".
Vin's fondest memories of that time in his life: "The most powerful thing was in the first year, watching a new human being adapt and grow to the world around them, seeing a child take the first steps, eating new food and learning how to communicate were remarkable on a level I had never experienced before. It grabbed me by the heart and by the brain and didn't let go". I asked Vincent was he was most proud of regarding his parenting. "The learned ability to leave behind what had happened to me and try and give the children a chance in life that I'd never had, to hope". Asked what he would do differently..."I have to say that's a loaded question because of the experiences I have both from my childhood and early adulthood, I have plenty of scar tissue that I couldn't hide any longer but I realized that everything that happened to me led me to where I am today. So, in conclusion, I wouldn't change a thing, no regrets, only memories".
Vin describes his biggest accomplishment in life as: "Staying alive, learning, growing, facing and overcoming obstacles, being a father and a husband, learning who I was and enjoying life". His only regrets in life are: "I wanted to be an astronaut and a rock star, the rest is still up for grabs". I asked my husband if he is satisfied with his life so far. His response was: " Satisfied is not a descriptive enough term in my opinion. I am leaning more towards happy and delighted. It seems to me there is a smugness in 'satisfaction' and that is not what I am feeling".
The only thing Vincent would like to change about his current life is that he'd like to live in a warm climate "anytime now please"! I asked Vincent how he felt about aging. "The fact that my father died at 41 coloured my view before and after I reached that age. Before 41 I was terrified that the same fate would befall me. Leading away from it, every day became a gift and irreplaceable. But, in the words of someone much older and wiser than me, 'Everything I have two of, one of them hurts', that's aging.
There have been many teachers in my life. Some of them have inadvertently given me survival skills but only one cherished and nurtured me when I needed it the most and that was my paternal grandmother, Mary, whom I still miss to this day and I always will.
I have a really close friendship with a friend of mine, David, who was tortured and abused horribly by his father. It took us almost the entire course of our 50+ year relationship to come to terms with the abuse and to learn to talk about it with each other which was a great relief to both of us and cemented our relationship even further.
Another friend of mine is Lawrence. We've been friends for over 30 years. He has a 6 year old daughter which made him really shine in the past few years. He knows a lot of my shadows and he still chooses to be a friend of mine-I like that, that to me is cool. I don't seek out new friendships generally, I prefer them to happen organically whenever possible but I've recently embraced a friendship with someone who has all the hallmarks for the long haul. Welcome aboard, Daniel, Brother"!
Vincent reflected on the turning points in his life. "First one I think would have to be leaving school. It was a monotonous torture, doled out with violent military precision by former WW2 officers masquerading as teachers. The next would be leaving England for Canada on my own with not even a clue of what I was doing or where I was going. Opening up my first business and swopping out tyrannical overlord status was up next. A failed marriage to humble me and a happy one to reward me. The children were the cherry, the icing-and the cream filling all wrapped up in one".
What lessons would Vincent like to communicate to the next generation? "Don't worry so much. Problems come and problems go. Love is forever. Worry is temporary. Eat the dessert, drink the wine, jump in the ocean, one day you won't be able to do those things and you'll wish you had. Remember, memories-no regrets. I'd like to be remembered for trying and eventually succeeding to live life on my own terms. For being the best father and husband that I could possibly be and seeing the rewards in another generation".
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
As promised, here is the biography that was gathered over weeks of interviews with my husband, Vincent Walsh.
Vincent was born and raised in Mill Hill, London but his happiest times were in Edgware. He described his mother, Patricia Rosemary Walsh as feisty, funny, anxious, insecure and needy. His father, Edmund Christopher Walsh was creative, violent, mystical, angry and selfish.
Vincent is the eldest of five children. His sister Tracy is considered the most "normal" of the five. Lesley is a self-destructive alcoholic tortured by her relationship with her father. Daryl is a very funny, sweet, emotional guy who was torn into a thousand little pieces. Shelley is emotionally volatile, utterly selfish and given to horrendous mood swings.
As a child, Vincent was secretive and self-protective. "I lived in my own world, created by me. I looked for safety in my grandma's arms. I felt separated from the rest of the family on every level. I wondered what I was doing there most of the time". His favourite activities as a child were being in nature, going to the woods at his Aunt Catherine's house. He also loved getting lost in the woods behind his own home.
When I asked Vincent to share a story about his childhood, this is what he described:
"Every weekend I was released into the warm glow of my grandmother's care. Usually we would take the green line bus from outside of her flat in Edgware all the way down the Edgware road and into the centre of London. We would shop, eat, watch movies and revel in each other's company, the age between us being immaterial. Her flat was always warm and there was always delicious food to eat. Those weekends were what I lived for".
Vincent's home life while growing up was cold, violent, undisciplined and unpredictable. There was very little food and a depressing atmosphere that came from a mixture of fear and neglect. "There was constant fighting between my mother and father whenever he was around, after the fighting he would usually leave and, a little while later, she would find herself pregnant once again. Quite often I would see my mother with at least a black eye and some bruising. My mom slept late into the day even when we were young kids and I believe she was depressed at that time. We moved fairly often but it usually improved (houses and area) when we did".
"School offered me a respite from the calamities at home. I didn't like it that much. To me it seemed slow and pointless but somehow I was good at it. So good in fact that, in my second year of secondary school, two of my teachers perceived the damage that home life was inflicting on me and offered me a scholarship at a private school which I refused mostly because I felt that I stood out enough as it was already and, at a private school in London in 1969, I would have been the object of ridicule. As much for my undisciplined upbringing and my obvious working class roots. So I stayed where I was unwillingly and tolerated the mayhem until the soonest possible moment that I could escape both school and home".
During Vin's teen life, "London was evolving from decades of repression, sexually and socially and, the newfound morals of my generation were at utter odds to the ones that came before as it is with most generations and with good reason. Music, fashion and hairstyles, which were all closely intertwined at this point, was like total catnip to me. There were a few head turning acts at this time. But, none had the shock value, charisma, raw sexuality and talent of David Bowie. The added bonus was that my mother utterly hated him on sight thereby cementing my adoration and lifelong fanaticism. My personal rebellion was more in the form of doing everything and anything I could to be absolutely nothing like my family. This meant working and having a dream with a path attached to it which I follow to this day".
When it came time to choose a career, Vincent explains that: "At the end of the 60s and into the early 70s, the irresistible combined forces of the genius of Vidal Sassoon and the visceral pull of David Bowie left me unable to resist. Within them I found a nexus of freedom, creativity and rebellion that unlocked me. I became a hairstylist in 1972 and it has been the glue that held together my sometimes wobbly existence. It has provided me with food, clothing and shelter, stereophonic sound and technicolor daydreams. I owe far more to it than it ill ever owe to me. I have never been bored yet remain almost always mildly frustrated".
As a young adult, Vincent's aspirations were as follows:"I dreamed of being an astronaut first when I was 12 after staying up all night to watch Neil Armstrong land on the moon which, for me of course, was never going to happen. After I had been abducted by Bowie and Sassoon, my path became clearer and so did my dreams. I wanted to build a life on the foundation of working as much as possible and travelling every chance I got. I wanted to flee the sinking ship that was mid-70s England-crewed by my family. My first thought was South Africa but the widespread social violence of apartheid was too daunting. Then my thoughts roamed to Australia but it was simply too far away. Then, Canada...
Next, I asked Vincent about his love life. It was weird to hear him describe our relationship. "I first met my wife when she came and sat in my chair. I was deep in the weeds of feeling sorry for myself after a disorienting long-term relationship with a serial bolster and I was still licking my wounds so I resisted a very strong urge to ask her out on a date which I overcame with confidence a few months later". I listened intently as Vincent talked about our wedding day. "It had rained for almost two solid weeks leading up to the wedding day. Everything was drenched, wet and cold. The ceremony was due to be performed in the morning of Sunday, August the 15th, at a beautiful victorian farm house. As providence would have it the skies cleared the day before and the sun shone making everything absolutely perfect. This may have something to do with the French tradition of hanging a rosary on the washing line for good weather which worked like magic. It was slightly surreal in its perfection. After the short but delicate and beautiful ceremony, we socially lubricated our 55 guests with much champagne while we went off and had our pictures taken. The whole affair was sublime, gentle and perfect. So much so that we both agreed-wouldn't it be great if we could do it all again?
Our honeymoon was carefree days and nights at the Chateau Montebello where we ate and drank to our heart's content and thought about our future. Neither of us could comprehend at that moment. It remains set in stone as the bedrock four our lives. It will never be less than it was. My wife came to me in the early hours of the morning one day telling me that she had taken pregnancy test and that she was indeed pregnant. My response was a very excited: 'Show me!'.
Becoming a parent made me aware of how selfish I had been before having children and the almost overwhelming changes that would have to occur if I was going to become the parent I wanted to be. Becoming a parent emotionally brought me to my knees and I had to learn again how to stand then walk then run. I had never felt the depth of feelings that I have felt for my children and that scared the living daylights out of me. They are my world and I live for and through them. Only when I remembered what it was like to be child did I know how to become a man".
Vin's fondest memories of that time in his life: "The most powerful thing was in the first year, watching a new human being adapt and grow to the world around them, seeing a child take the first steps, eating new food and learning how to communicate were remarkable on a level I had never experienced before. It grabbed me by the heart and by the brain and didn't let go". I asked Vincent was he was most proud of regarding his parenting. "The learned ability to leave behind what had happened to me and try and give the children a chance in life that I'd never had, to hope". Asked what he would do differently..."I have to say that's a loaded question because of the experiences I have both from my childhood and early adulthood, I have plenty of scar tissue that I couldn't hide any longer but I realized that everything that happened to me led me to where I am today. So, in conclusion, I wouldn't change a thing, no regrets, only memories".
Vin describes his biggest accomplishment in life as: "Staying alive, learning, growing, facing and overcoming obstacles, being a father and a husband, learning who I was and enjoying life". His only regrets in life are: "I wanted to be an astronaut and a rock star, the rest is still up for grabs". I asked my husband if he is satisfied with his life so far. His response was: " Satisfied is not a descriptive enough term in my opinion. I am leaning more towards happy and delighted. It seems to me there is a smugness in 'satisfaction' and that is not what I am feeling".
The only thing Vincent would like to change about his current life is that he'd like to live in a warm climate "anytime now please"! I asked Vincent how he felt about aging. "The fact that my father died at 41 coloured my view before and after I reached that age. Before 41 I was terrified that the same fate would befall me. Leading away from it, every day became a gift and irreplaceable. But, in the words of someone much older and wiser than me, 'Everything I have two of, one of them hurts', that's aging.
There have been many teachers in my life. Some of them have inadvertently given me survival skills but only one cherished and nurtured me when I needed it the most and that was my paternal grandmother, Mary, whom I still miss to this day and I always will.
I have a really close friendship with a friend of mine, David, who was tortured and abused horribly by his father. It took us almost the entire course of our 50+ year relationship to come to terms with the abuse and to learn to talk about it with each other which was a great relief to both of us and cemented our relationship even further.
Another friend of mine is Lawrence. We've been friends for over 30 years. He has a 6 year old daughter which made him really shine in the past few years. He knows a lot of my shadows and he still chooses to be a friend of mine-I like that, that to me is cool. I don't seek out new friendships generally, I prefer them to happen organically whenever possible but I've recently embraced a friendship with someone who has all the hallmarks for the long haul. Welcome aboard, Daniel, Brother"!
Vincent reflected on the turning points in his life. "First one I think would have to be leaving school. It was a monotonous torture, doled out with violent military precision by former WW2 officers masquerading as teachers. The next would be leaving England for Canada on my own with not even a clue of what I was doing or where I was going. Opening up my first business and swopping out tyrannical overlord status was up next. A failed marriage to humble me and a happy one to reward me. The children were the cherry, the icing-and the cream filling all wrapped up in one".
What lessons would Vincent like to communicate to the next generation? "Don't worry so much. Problems come and problems go. Love is forever. Worry is temporary. Eat the dessert, drink the wine, jump in the ocean, one day you won't be able to do those things and you'll wish you had. Remember, memories-no regrets. I'd like to be remembered for trying and eventually succeeding to live life on my own terms. For being the best father and husband that I could possibly be and seeing the rewards in another generation".
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
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