June 30th, 2016
I need to apologize right off the bat for my title. It's self-indulgent and silly but I just had to do it. You see, the topic for today is my weight. I am puzzled by my own behaviours. Right now, I am eating some BBQ chips as I type. As I reach for the bag, leftovers from the girls' sleepover party, I know it is not a healthy food choice and yet here I am. What is even more surprising is how many times throughout the day my brain reminded me that I really need to resume my exercise routine and eat healthy. I had loads of veggies and fruit earlier today, more leftovers from the party.
In 18 days, my mother-in-law will fly from England to Canada to meet the girls and I for the first time. Can there be any more motivation? I want to have a healthy weight and fit into my pretty dresses when she visits. I also want to feel fit and energized so I can keep up with my girls this summer. So, why am I eating chips? Why have I dumped the gym? Why is my workbook detailing all the exercises I can do at home still in the car? I don't know!
This is not a post with advice for you. There is no story about how I turned it all around and ended up on a beauty pageant. This is an exploration of what the heck is going on. It baffles me. I have always been skinny. For most of my life my body looked very much like a stick figure, no bumps or curves just one straight line. When I got pregnant with my first and my body got voluptuous I was ecstatic. I looked and felt like a woman. I walked every day because there were sidewalks where I lived at the time and there were places within walking distance. I could get groceries, do some banking or grab a Tim's before heading home. After my second pregnancy, we lived out here where there are no sidewalks, nothing is within walking distance and I knew no one. I mainly sat on the floor to play with my eldest or sat on the couch to breastfeed. I shed some of the weight but the stress in my life led to my midsection staying bigger than the rest of my body.
This worries me because carrying more weight in your midsection is correlated with a higher risk of many illnesses including heart disease, stroke and diabetes. I want to live. I still have so much to do. I love my daughters and want to see them grow up and be a part of their lives. I know what to do to lose weight: eat more veggies and healthy protein, drink more water and less coffee, cut out sugar, processed food, limit my grain intake and exercise three times weekly.
I buy the green tea, the lemons and the veggies. I eat really well then I panic. Why? I am so hungry! I always hit this point where I am starving and I can't find anything to eat that is ok and satisfying. I love salad! I can make really good ones but I need to buy the ingredients and because they are fresh I may not get more than two days out of them. Also, even a succulent salad can be boring after a week. So I give up, I give in and I go back to eating whatever is available. I know I am not alone.
The sad thing is I love my body. I am strong, I have fantastic genes and I have been through some pretty stressful times. My body has pulled through for me. I am so grateful to my body. I did a meditation the other day. I sent love to every cell in my body and felt love flowing through me. I pledged to take better care of my body. I meant it.
So why am I eating BBQ chips? Good question. If you struggle with your weight, have successfully lost weight or know the answer to this question, I would love to hear from you.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Thursday, 30 June 2016
Wednesday, 29 June 2016
Failure
June 29th, 2016
From a very young age, we learn to compare ourselves to others. Are we taller, a faster runner, more popular, smarter than our peers? At school, we are rewarded for understanding quickly and repeating what we have learned. As we grow up, our parents, the media and community bombard us with messages regarding what it means to be successful. We might go to school longer to become the professionals our parents want us to be. We might work long hours to buy the big house and the ultra expensive sports car. We may use credit cards to pay for holidays we can't afford. We do this to look and feel successful.
In my work, I see people who are struggling with a sense of failure. After a divorce, many women feel like they have failed. Some will say that they should have left years earlier but they feared what others would say and think.
Mothers with teenagers come and see me because they feel that they have failed as a mother. Their previously loving and affectionate daughters no longer speak to them. Everything the moms say or do to bridge the gap that is ever widening only creates conflict. Their child is acting up and they fear that it's all their fault.
When clients come into my studio after they have been laid off, they are feeling shocked and disoriented. They climbed that social ladder and reached an acceptable status. When they suddenly find themselves further down the ladder, they feel like they have failed. It is a blow to their self-esteem.
We learn to avoid failure at all costs but failing is essential to our growth. We are here to experience life. If we fear participating in life because we don't ever want to fail, we end up not reaching our full potential. A comfortable life is not challenging therefore we don't learn anything new about others, about life and about ourselves.
When we fail, we get to receive love and support from our friends and family. These experiences show us who our true friends are and strengthen our relationships. Failing shuts doors so we might explore new avenues we never would have considered otherwise. When we fail in business, it can redirect us to a second career that is more compatible with our personality.
You don't know what you are capable of until you have experienced hardship. When you reach rock bottom, you have a choice-give up or get back up. What you decide teaches you something about your character. Failing also makes you more compassionate. When others are struggling, you can relate, you've been there. You know what others did that helped you pull through and you recall the things people said or did that just made it worst. This prepares you to support others to the best of your abilities.
If you have recently failed at something, ask yourself these questions:
1-On a scale of 1-10, how important will this seem to me in ten years from now? Will I still care?
2-What does this failure mean to me? What does it represent?
3-What story am I creating about this failure and where did this story originate?
4-Is this part of a pattern? Have I been here before? When did this pattern start? What needs healing?
5-How can I love myself today? What simple act of self-care can I perform to support myself?
6-What is the message in this failure? What is it meant to teach me?
7-Is there anything in my control that I can do to move forward today?
8-Who are the people I can reach out to, who love and support me?
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
From a very young age, we learn to compare ourselves to others. Are we taller, a faster runner, more popular, smarter than our peers? At school, we are rewarded for understanding quickly and repeating what we have learned. As we grow up, our parents, the media and community bombard us with messages regarding what it means to be successful. We might go to school longer to become the professionals our parents want us to be. We might work long hours to buy the big house and the ultra expensive sports car. We may use credit cards to pay for holidays we can't afford. We do this to look and feel successful.
In my work, I see people who are struggling with a sense of failure. After a divorce, many women feel like they have failed. Some will say that they should have left years earlier but they feared what others would say and think.
Mothers with teenagers come and see me because they feel that they have failed as a mother. Their previously loving and affectionate daughters no longer speak to them. Everything the moms say or do to bridge the gap that is ever widening only creates conflict. Their child is acting up and they fear that it's all their fault.
When clients come into my studio after they have been laid off, they are feeling shocked and disoriented. They climbed that social ladder and reached an acceptable status. When they suddenly find themselves further down the ladder, they feel like they have failed. It is a blow to their self-esteem.
We learn to avoid failure at all costs but failing is essential to our growth. We are here to experience life. If we fear participating in life because we don't ever want to fail, we end up not reaching our full potential. A comfortable life is not challenging therefore we don't learn anything new about others, about life and about ourselves.
When we fail, we get to receive love and support from our friends and family. These experiences show us who our true friends are and strengthen our relationships. Failing shuts doors so we might explore new avenues we never would have considered otherwise. When we fail in business, it can redirect us to a second career that is more compatible with our personality.
You don't know what you are capable of until you have experienced hardship. When you reach rock bottom, you have a choice-give up or get back up. What you decide teaches you something about your character. Failing also makes you more compassionate. When others are struggling, you can relate, you've been there. You know what others did that helped you pull through and you recall the things people said or did that just made it worst. This prepares you to support others to the best of your abilities.
If you have recently failed at something, ask yourself these questions:
1-On a scale of 1-10, how important will this seem to me in ten years from now? Will I still care?
2-What does this failure mean to me? What does it represent?
3-What story am I creating about this failure and where did this story originate?
4-Is this part of a pattern? Have I been here before? When did this pattern start? What needs healing?
5-How can I love myself today? What simple act of self-care can I perform to support myself?
6-What is the message in this failure? What is it meant to teach me?
7-Is there anything in my control that I can do to move forward today?
8-Who are the people I can reach out to, who love and support me?
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Tuesday, 28 June 2016
Book 0f the Week-TED Talks: The Official TED Guide to Public Speaking
June 28th, 2016
I came across the new book put out by Chris Anderson a few weeks ago at the Kemptville Public Library. I was intrigued. The book provides great tips for people who'd like to try public speaking. The more I learned from this book, the more I could see how these same tips could be applied to writing a book as well.
The most challenging part of any speech is choosing a topic. You need to have a clear focus for your speech, something that an audience will find interesting. Chris encourages you to think about what makes you unique, that only you could share.
Once you have your intention, you need to find a structure to present this idea to the world. This depends on who you are speaking to and for how long. Chris describes a speech as a journey so you take the audience through steps from presenting your idea to how it applies to their lives, showing them why it matters to them.
Since TED talks last 18 minutes, the presenter must hook the audience, keep them curious and share information that teaches them something they didn't know-gifting them with new insight.
The book shares great tools on how to deliver a successful speech. It shows you how to connect to the audience so they see a human being speaking to them, someone who is fully present and engaged. Then we are taught about the power of storytelling to bring the audience into our world. Next comes the importance of explaining our idea in clear language-taking baby steps as we open their minds to new concepts. Chris also reveals tricks to persuade an audience to see things differently without coercion. He explains that we can engage them to come to the same conclusion as us through their very own "detective" work.
There is a great deal of practical advice throughout this book, from what to wear, whether to stand or sit and, the decision to use of visuals and technology or leave them out. An entire chapter is devoted to whether you should write out and memorize your speech or speak without notes. I find that it's best for me if I talk out loud about my idea first. Then I write the main concepts on a post-it and I try to create my speech around those points. Once I have a good flow from one concept to the next, I can rehearse it anywhere without my notes: in the shower, while I drive, as I cook supper etc. It becomes natural. If I have notes written down, I keep looking at my notes, I can never figure out where I am in the page and I tend to lose the intonation in my voice, not good.
If you are nervous about public speaking, as many people are, there is advice on ways to conquer your nerves and deliver a winning speech. The book teaches you how to start your speech, how to end it and ways to be innovative. The last chapter is philosophical. It urges us to share our story because we learn from one another and become better collectively as a result. If you plan to try public speaking, this book is an absolute gem. I have started writing out an 18 minute speech on the importance of prosocial education in our public education system. You never know. If you had 18 minutes to deliver a meaningful speech to impact a large audience what would it be?
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
I came across the new book put out by Chris Anderson a few weeks ago at the Kemptville Public Library. I was intrigued. The book provides great tips for people who'd like to try public speaking. The more I learned from this book, the more I could see how these same tips could be applied to writing a book as well.
The most challenging part of any speech is choosing a topic. You need to have a clear focus for your speech, something that an audience will find interesting. Chris encourages you to think about what makes you unique, that only you could share.
Once you have your intention, you need to find a structure to present this idea to the world. This depends on who you are speaking to and for how long. Chris describes a speech as a journey so you take the audience through steps from presenting your idea to how it applies to their lives, showing them why it matters to them.
Since TED talks last 18 minutes, the presenter must hook the audience, keep them curious and share information that teaches them something they didn't know-gifting them with new insight.
The book shares great tools on how to deliver a successful speech. It shows you how to connect to the audience so they see a human being speaking to them, someone who is fully present and engaged. Then we are taught about the power of storytelling to bring the audience into our world. Next comes the importance of explaining our idea in clear language-taking baby steps as we open their minds to new concepts. Chris also reveals tricks to persuade an audience to see things differently without coercion. He explains that we can engage them to come to the same conclusion as us through their very own "detective" work.
There is a great deal of practical advice throughout this book, from what to wear, whether to stand or sit and, the decision to use of visuals and technology or leave them out. An entire chapter is devoted to whether you should write out and memorize your speech or speak without notes. I find that it's best for me if I talk out loud about my idea first. Then I write the main concepts on a post-it and I try to create my speech around those points. Once I have a good flow from one concept to the next, I can rehearse it anywhere without my notes: in the shower, while I drive, as I cook supper etc. It becomes natural. If I have notes written down, I keep looking at my notes, I can never figure out where I am in the page and I tend to lose the intonation in my voice, not good.
If you are nervous about public speaking, as many people are, there is advice on ways to conquer your nerves and deliver a winning speech. The book teaches you how to start your speech, how to end it and ways to be innovative. The last chapter is philosophical. It urges us to share our story because we learn from one another and become better collectively as a result. If you plan to try public speaking, this book is an absolute gem. I have started writing out an 18 minute speech on the importance of prosocial education in our public education system. You never know. If you had 18 minutes to deliver a meaningful speech to impact a large audience what would it be?
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Monday, 27 June 2016
Jean Sebastien Charron
June 27th, 2016
On Saturday, I took my eldest daughter, Molly, to her dentist appointment. My mother was at home with my youngest so it was nice for us to have some time alone. As the dental hygienist was preparing the station for Molly's appointment, I noticed a tattoo on the back of her neck. It said 11:11. I asked her about the meaning of her tattoo. She said her grandma used to tell her to make a wish each time she saw 11:11 on the clock. Her grandma was very superstitious and after she passed away, the dental hygienist had that tattooed on the back of her neck.
I told her the story I have written about in a previous blog:
After my 17 year old cousin, Jean Sebastien, passed away, I saw 10:10 on clocks everywhere I went. I also heard the same songs we were listening to during our visit at his parents' house after his death-Hotel California and Stairway to Heaven. We had listened to a cd of Jean Sebastien trying to master these songs on the guitar and singing along. I asked my Godparents, his parents, if 10:10 had any significance. I was thinking maybe October 10th was an important date. They said it wasn't. From the moment I asked that question, I started to see 11:11 everywhere I went. I realized it wasn't the number itself, just the repetition. It became a symbol for me that I was not alone.
Whenever I had something important planned like my wedding, a surgery to have cysts removed from my ovaries or a court case (after we moved into this house and the lady who bought our old property sued our real estate agent and us because she wanted our furniture) it was always scheduled at 11 on the 11th. I didn't plan this. It just happened that way.
A week ago, I was sitting outside with my family eating a delicious BBQ supper on the deck. After supper, my youngest daughter, Stella, was eating dessert. The others had gone in but I sat next to her. She looked over to the right side of the yard, passed me. She smiled and waved. I asked her who she was waving at. She said: "An angel". I asked her if the angel had waved at her. She replied: "No, the angels don't have bodies. They are like moons. They glow and they're blurry." I sat there, silent, taking in this information. Stella added: "I see them all the time" in a no big deal tone of voice.
After Molly's dentist appointment, I came home and told my mother about the 11:11 tattoo. She told me that day, June 25th, was the 25th anniversary of the accident that took my cousin's life. All the hairs stood up on my body. Was that his way of saying hello and reminding me of this anniversary?
Jean Sebastien was 17 years old, riding his bicycle over to a friend's house when an older man who had already lost his licence for impaired driving hit him. He was hit so hard that his shoe was later retrieved from a nearby tree. His body had been flung from the bike. The drunk man didn't even stick around. He may have not even noticed he had killed someone. My Godparents never got to speak to their son again. He was brain dead after the impact. They sat by his bed at the hospital, holding his hands. His organs were harvested and he was taken off life support. A family and an entire community had lost a soul.
I was never close to my cousin before this point. He lived five hours away and he always visited his mom's side of the family when they came to town so I didn't get to know him. As my entire family went to see my Godparents, I learned that Jean Sebastien planned to be a lawyer. He was involved in his community. He was a member of a local theatre group. He sat on a St-Jean Baptiste float just a day before the accident. I discovered that he had a great sense of humour and that he was learning to play guitar. He had several girlfriends and they all grieved together. He was popular. Lots of youth joined us for the ceremony. All I can remember from his funeral was that the priest kept getting his name wrong-really annoying.
After his death, my Godparents offered to help me pay for my studies. I was in university and relying on OSAP to help me cover student loans. Initially, I wondered if this was a goo idea. I was grateful for their offer but I didn't know them very well. I felt guilty that I would get the money they had set aside for their deceased son. We were staying in their home during our visit. That night, we slept in my cousin's bedroom. I was trying to complete some homework in an adjacent office space and the lights in the room kept flickering. The computer wouldn't work properly. I strongly felt a presence next to me and I was sitting in the dark. The only light came from my computer. I freaked out and told my mother about it. As we spoke, the night light in the bedroom flickered.
My life changed that day. I was able to graduate with a BA in Psychology four years later. My grades improved because I knew I could actually do this. I went on to get more degrees. Most of all, I felt like we were doing it together. I would see 10:10 or 11:11 on days when I had an important assignment, exam or presentation. I would hear Hotel California or Stairway to Heaven everywhere I went. I actually had a conversation with Jean Sebastien as I slept on the bus going to Montreal for my studies one day. In my dream, he was sitting next to me on the bus and we had a long conversation. I don't remember the content, just that he was there and we were enjoying each other's company. To this day, I mess up computers. Whenever I try to do anything with technology my energy or our combined energy makes the system go haywire. Every time I am alone, driving the convertible, enjoying the sensation of the wind whipping through my hair and music blasting from the speakers, I feel him sitting next to me, enjoying every minute of it.
I am so grateful to my Godparents who believed in me and invested in me at the most challenging time in their lives. Without them, I would have graduated with debt. I would never have pursued anything beyond my BA. Now, thanks to my education and the hard work that comes from believing that anything is possible, I have broken he cycle of poverty. I live comfortably with my family. My daughters have never been hungry or frightened that we couldn't afford our bills. They have warm coats, boots, hats and mitts in the winter and I get to work from home so I can enjoy our summers together.
I am learning to invest my money in order to generate more wealth for my later years and, to contribute to my community. My Godparents' generosity has inspired me to help others any time I can. I would not be the person I am today if I had not been supported by them.
Thank you Jean Charron!
Thank you Pierrette Rozon!
Thank you Jean Sebastien Charron!
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
On Saturday, I took my eldest daughter, Molly, to her dentist appointment. My mother was at home with my youngest so it was nice for us to have some time alone. As the dental hygienist was preparing the station for Molly's appointment, I noticed a tattoo on the back of her neck. It said 11:11. I asked her about the meaning of her tattoo. She said her grandma used to tell her to make a wish each time she saw 11:11 on the clock. Her grandma was very superstitious and after she passed away, the dental hygienist had that tattooed on the back of her neck.
I told her the story I have written about in a previous blog:
After my 17 year old cousin, Jean Sebastien, passed away, I saw 10:10 on clocks everywhere I went. I also heard the same songs we were listening to during our visit at his parents' house after his death-Hotel California and Stairway to Heaven. We had listened to a cd of Jean Sebastien trying to master these songs on the guitar and singing along. I asked my Godparents, his parents, if 10:10 had any significance. I was thinking maybe October 10th was an important date. They said it wasn't. From the moment I asked that question, I started to see 11:11 everywhere I went. I realized it wasn't the number itself, just the repetition. It became a symbol for me that I was not alone.
Whenever I had something important planned like my wedding, a surgery to have cysts removed from my ovaries or a court case (after we moved into this house and the lady who bought our old property sued our real estate agent and us because she wanted our furniture) it was always scheduled at 11 on the 11th. I didn't plan this. It just happened that way.
A week ago, I was sitting outside with my family eating a delicious BBQ supper on the deck. After supper, my youngest daughter, Stella, was eating dessert. The others had gone in but I sat next to her. She looked over to the right side of the yard, passed me. She smiled and waved. I asked her who she was waving at. She said: "An angel". I asked her if the angel had waved at her. She replied: "No, the angels don't have bodies. They are like moons. They glow and they're blurry." I sat there, silent, taking in this information. Stella added: "I see them all the time" in a no big deal tone of voice.
After Molly's dentist appointment, I came home and told my mother about the 11:11 tattoo. She told me that day, June 25th, was the 25th anniversary of the accident that took my cousin's life. All the hairs stood up on my body. Was that his way of saying hello and reminding me of this anniversary?
Jean Sebastien was 17 years old, riding his bicycle over to a friend's house when an older man who had already lost his licence for impaired driving hit him. He was hit so hard that his shoe was later retrieved from a nearby tree. His body had been flung from the bike. The drunk man didn't even stick around. He may have not even noticed he had killed someone. My Godparents never got to speak to their son again. He was brain dead after the impact. They sat by his bed at the hospital, holding his hands. His organs were harvested and he was taken off life support. A family and an entire community had lost a soul.
I was never close to my cousin before this point. He lived five hours away and he always visited his mom's side of the family when they came to town so I didn't get to know him. As my entire family went to see my Godparents, I learned that Jean Sebastien planned to be a lawyer. He was involved in his community. He was a member of a local theatre group. He sat on a St-Jean Baptiste float just a day before the accident. I discovered that he had a great sense of humour and that he was learning to play guitar. He had several girlfriends and they all grieved together. He was popular. Lots of youth joined us for the ceremony. All I can remember from his funeral was that the priest kept getting his name wrong-really annoying.
After his death, my Godparents offered to help me pay for my studies. I was in university and relying on OSAP to help me cover student loans. Initially, I wondered if this was a goo idea. I was grateful for their offer but I didn't know them very well. I felt guilty that I would get the money they had set aside for their deceased son. We were staying in their home during our visit. That night, we slept in my cousin's bedroom. I was trying to complete some homework in an adjacent office space and the lights in the room kept flickering. The computer wouldn't work properly. I strongly felt a presence next to me and I was sitting in the dark. The only light came from my computer. I freaked out and told my mother about it. As we spoke, the night light in the bedroom flickered.
My life changed that day. I was able to graduate with a BA in Psychology four years later. My grades improved because I knew I could actually do this. I went on to get more degrees. Most of all, I felt like we were doing it together. I would see 10:10 or 11:11 on days when I had an important assignment, exam or presentation. I would hear Hotel California or Stairway to Heaven everywhere I went. I actually had a conversation with Jean Sebastien as I slept on the bus going to Montreal for my studies one day. In my dream, he was sitting next to me on the bus and we had a long conversation. I don't remember the content, just that he was there and we were enjoying each other's company. To this day, I mess up computers. Whenever I try to do anything with technology my energy or our combined energy makes the system go haywire. Every time I am alone, driving the convertible, enjoying the sensation of the wind whipping through my hair and music blasting from the speakers, I feel him sitting next to me, enjoying every minute of it.
I am so grateful to my Godparents who believed in me and invested in me at the most challenging time in their lives. Without them, I would have graduated with debt. I would never have pursued anything beyond my BA. Now, thanks to my education and the hard work that comes from believing that anything is possible, I have broken he cycle of poverty. I live comfortably with my family. My daughters have never been hungry or frightened that we couldn't afford our bills. They have warm coats, boots, hats and mitts in the winter and I get to work from home so I can enjoy our summers together.
I am learning to invest my money in order to generate more wealth for my later years and, to contribute to my community. My Godparents' generosity has inspired me to help others any time I can. I would not be the person I am today if I had not been supported by them.
Thank you Jean Charron!
Thank you Pierrette Rozon!
Thank you Jean Sebastien Charron!
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Friday, 24 June 2016
Story Corps
June 24th, 2016
I love Ted Talks! I listen to them while I clean the house or prepare meals and, occasionally when I go to bed later than the other members of my family. I learn so much from the various speakers who cover every topic imaginable from upcoming, state of the art technology, the importance of vulnerability, the advantage of online learning for children and neuroscience to species of underwater creatures.
Recently, I heard a fabulous speech by Dave Isay, the founder of Story Corps. He talks about his own experience and how it taught him the power of narrative. He started interviewing people for radio. He took on special projects interviewing people who had been through the same difficult experience. He learned so much about them through this process. He interviewed his own father who has since passed and he now has an even deeper commitment to do this work. He set up some booths in busy locations where a facilitator would help two individuals have a meaningful conversation. Dave shared a few emotional stories with the audience. A woman who has grown to love the young man who shot her son. An elderly man who expresses his love for his wife. A mother interviewed by her high functioning son with Asperger.
These conversations are authentic and deeply moving. David talks about a woman who interviews people in hospice care. She shares what she has learned from this experience in a book about what is really important in life. The people who are interviewed get a copy of their conversation but a second copy is sent to the archives. This means future generations could witness this interview. There are so many applications to this from interviewing people in long term care, schools or hospitals to the homeless and incarcerated.
Story Corps has booths set up in various locations, however, it has also created an app that enables anyone to create an interview and submit it to the archives. You follow the prompts, select from a list of potential questions and then send the story. This tool could be used by the military to document the healing process of soldiers with PTSD. It could be used by teachers to record the changes in their students from grade 1 to grade 8. Projects like my, Interviews with 40+ year olds, or my Mommy Monologues, could use this format.
Storytelling is such an ancient and powerful ritual. We learn so much about life, each other and ourselves through stories. I would love to set up a booth in a local long term care facility and interview every older adult who is living there. You could record an entire generation one facility at a time. My brain is bubbling with possibilities right now but it doesn't have to be big. If you'd like to interview a loved one today, just download the Story Corps app and get started. Everyone has a story. Share yours today.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
I love Ted Talks! I listen to them while I clean the house or prepare meals and, occasionally when I go to bed later than the other members of my family. I learn so much from the various speakers who cover every topic imaginable from upcoming, state of the art technology, the importance of vulnerability, the advantage of online learning for children and neuroscience to species of underwater creatures.
Recently, I heard a fabulous speech by Dave Isay, the founder of Story Corps. He talks about his own experience and how it taught him the power of narrative. He started interviewing people for radio. He took on special projects interviewing people who had been through the same difficult experience. He learned so much about them through this process. He interviewed his own father who has since passed and he now has an even deeper commitment to do this work. He set up some booths in busy locations where a facilitator would help two individuals have a meaningful conversation. Dave shared a few emotional stories with the audience. A woman who has grown to love the young man who shot her son. An elderly man who expresses his love for his wife. A mother interviewed by her high functioning son with Asperger.
These conversations are authentic and deeply moving. David talks about a woman who interviews people in hospice care. She shares what she has learned from this experience in a book about what is really important in life. The people who are interviewed get a copy of their conversation but a second copy is sent to the archives. This means future generations could witness this interview. There are so many applications to this from interviewing people in long term care, schools or hospitals to the homeless and incarcerated.
Story Corps has booths set up in various locations, however, it has also created an app that enables anyone to create an interview and submit it to the archives. You follow the prompts, select from a list of potential questions and then send the story. This tool could be used by the military to document the healing process of soldiers with PTSD. It could be used by teachers to record the changes in their students from grade 1 to grade 8. Projects like my, Interviews with 40+ year olds, or my Mommy Monologues, could use this format.
Storytelling is such an ancient and powerful ritual. We learn so much about life, each other and ourselves through stories. I would love to set up a booth in a local long term care facility and interview every older adult who is living there. You could record an entire generation one facility at a time. My brain is bubbling with possibilities right now but it doesn't have to be big. If you'd like to interview a loved one today, just download the Story Corps app and get started. Everyone has a story. Share yours today.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Thursday, 23 June 2016
Your Inner Alien
June 23rd, 2016
Tomorrow, I am offering a Have You Hugged Your Alien? workshop at a nearby school for a class of grade 4 students. One comment I have heard from teachers and volunteer parents at my workshops in the past is that we need one of these workshops for adults. I have tailored my workshops to elementary school children so I'd have to change my language but I think it's a good idea.
In my book for children, the alien is the part of us that emerges when we are upset-it feels foreign to us. You do something you later regret and you wonder why you did that. It seemed like a good idea in the heat of the moment but you see more clearly once the intensity has passed. While you are upset, you watch your own behaviour as an observer and you are just as shocked as everyone else by what happens every step of the way. Your actions are not only unpredictable but they seem unstoppable.
After I have read the book, each student creates a representation of their inner alien out of clay. It is really fascinating to see the many interpretations of this directive. Students get really attached to their alien.
The main message of my book is that it's normal to experience a wide range of emotions, it's part of being a human being living your life. However, the choices you make when you are experiencing difficult emotions can get you in trouble. Parents or teachers ask you: "What came over you? What were you thinking?" They may also say: "This is so unlike you. You know better than this". You agree with them sheepishly and promise that it will never happen again but you don't know how it happened in the first place and you doubt you could react differently in the future.
Here is a glimpse into what I have learned so far-an explanation of the process that gets us into trouble. Our primitive or reptilian brain is located at the back of the head. It is an old part of the brain that looks after our survival. When we were cave people and we needed to survive, the reptilian brain helped us decide really quickly whether to fight (let's take this animal down together and eat it) or flee (dinosaur...run!). Our body gets a surge of energy to fight or run as fast as we can. However, it is not helpful to analyze the situation because, if you don't make a quick decision and act on it, you will die. That is why the activation of our primitive brain shuts down our pre-frontal cortex.
The prefrontal cortex is located at the front of the brain. It has developed over time and it is very smart. It helps us make good decisions. When this part of the brain shuts down, we make poor choices. At this point, children get very excited. If their brains are unable to make good choices while they are upset then surely their behaviour is not their fault. Wrong! While we can't control when our reptilian brain will take over or when our prefrontal cortex will take a break, we can learn a few tools to help us stay out of trouble.
I learned a few years ago that, when we have a negative emotional reaction, it cycles through our system for 90 seconds-that's it. If our response lasts less than a minute, it becomes much more manageable. The question doesn't become: How do I prevent myself from responding to negative events or conflicts? It becomes: What can I do during that 90 seconds to help my body use the excess energy of the reptilian brain? We used to need the surge in energy to fight predators or run away and hide but we don't need to hunt or defend ourselves against nature anymore. Having that much energy is like sitting on a wild stallion when you've never ridden a horse. You are not able to control it.
We can look at animals for inspiration. How do they release excess energy? If you have a dog, you have probably noticed that, when it gets frustrated, it stretches and makes a weird yawn with a high pitch sound. If it is really worked up, it will run like crazy throughout the house until it has calmed down. The cat stretches its back and hisses. The elephant raises its trunk, makes noise and flaps its ears. The horse stomps its hooves, neighs and shakes its head. The lion roars as it shakes its mane. The bear beats its chest and roars. Each animal uses either the voice, movement or breath to release energy. We can access these tools as well.
I ask the students to think about where they are in general when they are upset. Does it happen more at home or at school, inside or outside and who is involved? They usually know their pattern. I ask them to imagine how they could use their voice, breath and movement to feel better. I demonstrate exhales, stretches, saying: "I am so angry" or simply letting out a sound "URGH", running around if they are outside or tightening and releasing their muscles, wiggling the tension out or stomping their feet. They create a Coping Card where they draw themselves applying their new strategy to stay calm.Teachers can post these drawings on a classroom wall as a gentle reminder that there are other ways to respond to difficult feelings.
Then I address the fact that we often end up upset for longer than 90 seconds. That is because we have this great imagination and we tend to make up a story about our life that we hold onto and that serves as a reset button-triggering another 90 seconds of anger. As long as your mind remains focused on the story, you will keep triggering a new response. When animals are upset and they release the energy, they move on. We don't. I ask students to sum up their story in one sentence. Then I hand out an image of a flying saucer and I have them write the story on this flying saucer. Together, we visualize the saucer moving further away from us as we exhale until it disappears. Being aware of one's story is helpful. It helps us challenge it next time we are upset. Is this true or am I just upset? That way we can limit our reaction time to 90 seconds and move on.
I have been offering these workshops for just over a year now and I love watching the students' reactions to this information, their excitement as they create their alien and their interactions with their parents and teachers after the workshop where they use the alien metaphor to get support when they are getting overwhelmed. Parents report that their child will say they feel their alien stirring or teachers tell me students suggest strategies to each other. I love this work! If you are an adult and you wish to apply this to your own life, you can make it relevant for yourself as well.
1-Next time you are upset, remind yourself that you only have to keep it together for 90 seconds
2-Exhale hard, tense and release your muscles, tell people you are upset and you need a minute
3-Recognize your story, write it down and start to challenge it. Is it true? Find proof that it is false
4-Notice where you are when you get upset and who is with you
5-Tailor your strategy for that environment (Are you indoors/outside, at work or at home?)
6-If you are normally with them same person every time you are upset, examine what it is about this person that leads to frustration. Is there anything within your control that you can do?
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Tomorrow, I am offering a Have You Hugged Your Alien? workshop at a nearby school for a class of grade 4 students. One comment I have heard from teachers and volunteer parents at my workshops in the past is that we need one of these workshops for adults. I have tailored my workshops to elementary school children so I'd have to change my language but I think it's a good idea.
In my book for children, the alien is the part of us that emerges when we are upset-it feels foreign to us. You do something you later regret and you wonder why you did that. It seemed like a good idea in the heat of the moment but you see more clearly once the intensity has passed. While you are upset, you watch your own behaviour as an observer and you are just as shocked as everyone else by what happens every step of the way. Your actions are not only unpredictable but they seem unstoppable.
After I have read the book, each student creates a representation of their inner alien out of clay. It is really fascinating to see the many interpretations of this directive. Students get really attached to their alien.
The main message of my book is that it's normal to experience a wide range of emotions, it's part of being a human being living your life. However, the choices you make when you are experiencing difficult emotions can get you in trouble. Parents or teachers ask you: "What came over you? What were you thinking?" They may also say: "This is so unlike you. You know better than this". You agree with them sheepishly and promise that it will never happen again but you don't know how it happened in the first place and you doubt you could react differently in the future.
Here is a glimpse into what I have learned so far-an explanation of the process that gets us into trouble. Our primitive or reptilian brain is located at the back of the head. It is an old part of the brain that looks after our survival. When we were cave people and we needed to survive, the reptilian brain helped us decide really quickly whether to fight (let's take this animal down together and eat it) or flee (dinosaur...run!). Our body gets a surge of energy to fight or run as fast as we can. However, it is not helpful to analyze the situation because, if you don't make a quick decision and act on it, you will die. That is why the activation of our primitive brain shuts down our pre-frontal cortex.
The prefrontal cortex is located at the front of the brain. It has developed over time and it is very smart. It helps us make good decisions. When this part of the brain shuts down, we make poor choices. At this point, children get very excited. If their brains are unable to make good choices while they are upset then surely their behaviour is not their fault. Wrong! While we can't control when our reptilian brain will take over or when our prefrontal cortex will take a break, we can learn a few tools to help us stay out of trouble.
I learned a few years ago that, when we have a negative emotional reaction, it cycles through our system for 90 seconds-that's it. If our response lasts less than a minute, it becomes much more manageable. The question doesn't become: How do I prevent myself from responding to negative events or conflicts? It becomes: What can I do during that 90 seconds to help my body use the excess energy of the reptilian brain? We used to need the surge in energy to fight predators or run away and hide but we don't need to hunt or defend ourselves against nature anymore. Having that much energy is like sitting on a wild stallion when you've never ridden a horse. You are not able to control it.
We can look at animals for inspiration. How do they release excess energy? If you have a dog, you have probably noticed that, when it gets frustrated, it stretches and makes a weird yawn with a high pitch sound. If it is really worked up, it will run like crazy throughout the house until it has calmed down. The cat stretches its back and hisses. The elephant raises its trunk, makes noise and flaps its ears. The horse stomps its hooves, neighs and shakes its head. The lion roars as it shakes its mane. The bear beats its chest and roars. Each animal uses either the voice, movement or breath to release energy. We can access these tools as well.
I ask the students to think about where they are in general when they are upset. Does it happen more at home or at school, inside or outside and who is involved? They usually know their pattern. I ask them to imagine how they could use their voice, breath and movement to feel better. I demonstrate exhales, stretches, saying: "I am so angry" or simply letting out a sound "URGH", running around if they are outside or tightening and releasing their muscles, wiggling the tension out or stomping their feet. They create a Coping Card where they draw themselves applying their new strategy to stay calm.Teachers can post these drawings on a classroom wall as a gentle reminder that there are other ways to respond to difficult feelings.
Then I address the fact that we often end up upset for longer than 90 seconds. That is because we have this great imagination and we tend to make up a story about our life that we hold onto and that serves as a reset button-triggering another 90 seconds of anger. As long as your mind remains focused on the story, you will keep triggering a new response. When animals are upset and they release the energy, they move on. We don't. I ask students to sum up their story in one sentence. Then I hand out an image of a flying saucer and I have them write the story on this flying saucer. Together, we visualize the saucer moving further away from us as we exhale until it disappears. Being aware of one's story is helpful. It helps us challenge it next time we are upset. Is this true or am I just upset? That way we can limit our reaction time to 90 seconds and move on.
I have been offering these workshops for just over a year now and I love watching the students' reactions to this information, their excitement as they create their alien and their interactions with their parents and teachers after the workshop where they use the alien metaphor to get support when they are getting overwhelmed. Parents report that their child will say they feel their alien stirring or teachers tell me students suggest strategies to each other. I love this work! If you are an adult and you wish to apply this to your own life, you can make it relevant for yourself as well.
1-Next time you are upset, remind yourself that you only have to keep it together for 90 seconds
2-Exhale hard, tense and release your muscles, tell people you are upset and you need a minute
3-Recognize your story, write it down and start to challenge it. Is it true? Find proof that it is false
4-Notice where you are when you get upset and who is with you
5-Tailor your strategy for that environment (Are you indoors/outside, at work or at home?)
6-If you are normally with them same person every time you are upset, examine what it is about this person that leads to frustration. Is there anything within your control that you can do?
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Wednesday, 22 June 2016
Only Her Hairdresser Knows
June 22nd, 2016
I am not a girly girl. It was a fluke that I ended up in a posh hair salon back in 2002 where I met my husband. I rarely get my hair cut, I didn't have a preferred hairstylist and I used to just get fed up and go to a cheap walk-in place to get my hair trimmed.
When I started dating my husband who is a Vidal Sassoon trained hairstylist, I had no clue just how invested some women get with their stylist. I had no clue how important hair was to these clients. To me, hair is hair, no big deal but to many women, their hair is very serious business. We met clients all the time when we were dating. These women would give me a once over and I knew they were deciding whether or not I deserved to be with Vincent. It felt like having hundreds of mother-in-laws. When I was pregnant with our first daughter, I went into labour on a Saturday (bad day when your husband is a stylist). Four of the eight women who were booked on that Saturday never returned to get their hair done after my husband cancelled their appointment on that Saturday.
Hair salons are notorious for gossip. Clients dish it out in the styling chair. My husband knows who is cheating, bankrupt, alcoholic, abusive and newly unemployed. He hears about women's frustrations with their husbands and applies this knowledge to our relationship (thank you clients!). When we are struggling with one of our daughters, he generally has at least one client who has been through it or works in an office where they deal with this and we get free advice all the time. This has come in handy.
His clients are on a six week rotation and changing these appointments is punishable by death (almost). So, when we go away for ten days every year in March, my husband returns to a packed house, trying to juggle people who are on their schedule while fitting in the clients he missed while we were away.
There is something about the fact that clients are not looking directly at my husband while they talk that leads to deep, revealing discussions. I have often wondered if it is the impact of speaking their truth while facing themselves in the mirror that lends itself to this intensity. Vincent has had women crying about childhood traumas, revealing deep, dark family secrets and admitting to feeling lost and off track in their lives-all in the stylist chair. I often joke that he is more of a therapist than a stylist because he deals with some pretty heavy-duty issues.
When we first met I thought of hair salons as a place of gossip and where women spent money on their looks. It all seemed shallow to me. However, through my husband and his clients, I have learned to see his work differently. The same women come to him every six weeks. Some of them came to see him as children and now they have their own. They connect with other clients, with Vincent and his assistant. They exchange contacts and advice. It is a safe, familiar place where people care about what is happening in your life.
On a deeper note, I have watched women go into his shop hunched and come out tall and proud. When he first takes on a client whose hair has been neglected or misunderstood, he cuts and colours it to complement the woman's skin tone and features. The result is that the client looks younger and sexy. The client stares at herself in the mirror in disbelief. Is this really me? There have been quite a few tears shed after such transformations and several babies conceived.
I am proud of my husband's work. He is competent and compassionate and he has taught me that hairstylists care about their clients, that they make a difference in their lives and that their services can be therapeutic as well as aesthetic. Long live the hairstylist!!
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
I am not a girly girl. It was a fluke that I ended up in a posh hair salon back in 2002 where I met my husband. I rarely get my hair cut, I didn't have a preferred hairstylist and I used to just get fed up and go to a cheap walk-in place to get my hair trimmed.
When I started dating my husband who is a Vidal Sassoon trained hairstylist, I had no clue just how invested some women get with their stylist. I had no clue how important hair was to these clients. To me, hair is hair, no big deal but to many women, their hair is very serious business. We met clients all the time when we were dating. These women would give me a once over and I knew they were deciding whether or not I deserved to be with Vincent. It felt like having hundreds of mother-in-laws. When I was pregnant with our first daughter, I went into labour on a Saturday (bad day when your husband is a stylist). Four of the eight women who were booked on that Saturday never returned to get their hair done after my husband cancelled their appointment on that Saturday.
Hair salons are notorious for gossip. Clients dish it out in the styling chair. My husband knows who is cheating, bankrupt, alcoholic, abusive and newly unemployed. He hears about women's frustrations with their husbands and applies this knowledge to our relationship (thank you clients!). When we are struggling with one of our daughters, he generally has at least one client who has been through it or works in an office where they deal with this and we get free advice all the time. This has come in handy.
His clients are on a six week rotation and changing these appointments is punishable by death (almost). So, when we go away for ten days every year in March, my husband returns to a packed house, trying to juggle people who are on their schedule while fitting in the clients he missed while we were away.
There is something about the fact that clients are not looking directly at my husband while they talk that leads to deep, revealing discussions. I have often wondered if it is the impact of speaking their truth while facing themselves in the mirror that lends itself to this intensity. Vincent has had women crying about childhood traumas, revealing deep, dark family secrets and admitting to feeling lost and off track in their lives-all in the stylist chair. I often joke that he is more of a therapist than a stylist because he deals with some pretty heavy-duty issues.
When we first met I thought of hair salons as a place of gossip and where women spent money on their looks. It all seemed shallow to me. However, through my husband and his clients, I have learned to see his work differently. The same women come to him every six weeks. Some of them came to see him as children and now they have their own. They connect with other clients, with Vincent and his assistant. They exchange contacts and advice. It is a safe, familiar place where people care about what is happening in your life.
On a deeper note, I have watched women go into his shop hunched and come out tall and proud. When he first takes on a client whose hair has been neglected or misunderstood, he cuts and colours it to complement the woman's skin tone and features. The result is that the client looks younger and sexy. The client stares at herself in the mirror in disbelief. Is this really me? There have been quite a few tears shed after such transformations and several babies conceived.
I am proud of my husband's work. He is competent and compassionate and he has taught me that hairstylists care about their clients, that they make a difference in their lives and that their services can be therapeutic as well as aesthetic. Long live the hairstylist!!
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Tuesday, 21 June 2016
Financial Freedom-A Vision
June 21st, 2016
Ever since I read Julie Ann Cairns' book, The Abundance Code, I have felt a strong determination to change the way I see money, how I feel about it and use it in my life. I contacted the author to ask if she could recommend a Canadian finance professional to help me make some important decisions. Her book helped me understand my own financial pitfalls created by my upbringing but I still needed the tools to make important decisions. She didn't know anyone in Canada but she suggested I check out Ann Wilson, The Wealth Chef.
I looked her up and, as impressive as her profile was, all I could think of was that she lives in the UK. How can she help me if she doesn't know the laws in my country? Ann has a free online academy so I decided to watch her videos and join her online community. I had nothing to lose. I felt that I might as well learn what I could from her as I looked for a professional in my area. This is because I was assuming that I would need someone else to tell me what to do. I am just completing week 2 of her 4 week program and I realize that I need to learn the tools of financial management so I can make these decisions based on my own goals and values.
What I have learned so far is not specific to Canada or the UK, it's information that anyone can use regardless of location. Ann teaches you to think differently about your money. Instead of focusing on how much money you make and trying to earn more, she shows you how to cut down on your liabilities and build up your assets. If you only have income and you don't transfer it into assets, you have to keep generating that income, especially if you have lots of expenses to pay off. I am so eager to learn her tips and I have come to respect her a great deal. She shares her knowledge with people who don't have a clue about money, like me, for free.
One of the steps in her program is all about designing a Financial Freedom Vision. This is what you would like to do with the money you make from your assets, the lifestyle you could create with your growing wealth. I will share my vision with you and I urge you to create your own. What would you do if you had plenty of money and you knew you would never run out of it?
My dream is to rent out our house and buy an RV. I would plan out a route from our home, driving through Ogdensburg, NY and into the warmer States. We would pack up the children, the pets and maybe my mother if she wanted to join us. We would stock up on the food we love, the girls could bring some toys and home comforts. We'd document our journey through writing, photography and mini videos as we met people from various locations, tasted different food and visited local landmarks. I can imagine us having so much fun as a family, creating memories together, learning about other cultures along the way. I would ask my daughters' teachers if we could Skype in weekly so the girls could share what they have learned with the class. I would schedule stops in communities once a month via Facebook to collect Mommy Monologue stories from local women and offer free art experiences for children. My husband could bring his motorbike (hitched to the back of the RV) and go on small excursions, exploring surrounding areas, looking for fun things to do. I imagine us talking, playing, laughing and getting in lots of hugs as a family as we explore the USA. On our way back in the Spring, we would drive through Canada and do the same thing here. In my mind, we leave January 10th after celebrating my daughter's birthday with friends and we return on May 10th.
In order to achieve my goal, I need to set up some passive income, otherwise, we can only go away for two weeks at a time. Thanks to Ann Wilson, I believe this is possible and, pretty soon, I'll have the knowledge I need to make it happen. If you want to stop working harder just to make ends meet, check out Ann Wilson, The Wealth Chef, and start your own journey toward financial freedom.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Ever since I read Julie Ann Cairns' book, The Abundance Code, I have felt a strong determination to change the way I see money, how I feel about it and use it in my life. I contacted the author to ask if she could recommend a Canadian finance professional to help me make some important decisions. Her book helped me understand my own financial pitfalls created by my upbringing but I still needed the tools to make important decisions. She didn't know anyone in Canada but she suggested I check out Ann Wilson, The Wealth Chef.
I looked her up and, as impressive as her profile was, all I could think of was that she lives in the UK. How can she help me if she doesn't know the laws in my country? Ann has a free online academy so I decided to watch her videos and join her online community. I had nothing to lose. I felt that I might as well learn what I could from her as I looked for a professional in my area. This is because I was assuming that I would need someone else to tell me what to do. I am just completing week 2 of her 4 week program and I realize that I need to learn the tools of financial management so I can make these decisions based on my own goals and values.
What I have learned so far is not specific to Canada or the UK, it's information that anyone can use regardless of location. Ann teaches you to think differently about your money. Instead of focusing on how much money you make and trying to earn more, she shows you how to cut down on your liabilities and build up your assets. If you only have income and you don't transfer it into assets, you have to keep generating that income, especially if you have lots of expenses to pay off. I am so eager to learn her tips and I have come to respect her a great deal. She shares her knowledge with people who don't have a clue about money, like me, for free.
One of the steps in her program is all about designing a Financial Freedom Vision. This is what you would like to do with the money you make from your assets, the lifestyle you could create with your growing wealth. I will share my vision with you and I urge you to create your own. What would you do if you had plenty of money and you knew you would never run out of it?
My dream is to rent out our house and buy an RV. I would plan out a route from our home, driving through Ogdensburg, NY and into the warmer States. We would pack up the children, the pets and maybe my mother if she wanted to join us. We would stock up on the food we love, the girls could bring some toys and home comforts. We'd document our journey through writing, photography and mini videos as we met people from various locations, tasted different food and visited local landmarks. I can imagine us having so much fun as a family, creating memories together, learning about other cultures along the way. I would ask my daughters' teachers if we could Skype in weekly so the girls could share what they have learned with the class. I would schedule stops in communities once a month via Facebook to collect Mommy Monologue stories from local women and offer free art experiences for children. My husband could bring his motorbike (hitched to the back of the RV) and go on small excursions, exploring surrounding areas, looking for fun things to do. I imagine us talking, playing, laughing and getting in lots of hugs as a family as we explore the USA. On our way back in the Spring, we would drive through Canada and do the same thing here. In my mind, we leave January 10th after celebrating my daughter's birthday with friends and we return on May 10th.
In order to achieve my goal, I need to set up some passive income, otherwise, we can only go away for two weeks at a time. Thanks to Ann Wilson, I believe this is possible and, pretty soon, I'll have the knowledge I need to make it happen. If you want to stop working harder just to make ends meet, check out Ann Wilson, The Wealth Chef, and start your own journey toward financial freedom.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Monday, 20 June 2016
Sexy and Seven?
June 20th, 2016
Yesterday, I took my youngest out with me to buy a Subway sandwich for tomorrow's school lunch. I try to offer something different every day of the week and she loves Subway's turkey subs. She had been swimming with her sister and friend earlier in the day so she was wearing her one piece swimsuit with capri shorts over top. As I stood at the far end of the counter, waiting for my turn to order her food, she walked over to the area closer to the cash to decide whether she would have a raisin oatmeal cookie or garden tomato flavoured Sun chips. So far, pretty typical activity, right?
Imagine my surprise when I looked over at her and spotted a table of teenagers. There were three or four teenagers sitting at the end of a group of tables closer to my daughter. Their parents were sitting at the opposite end of these tables, closer to the window, talking amongst themselves, oblivious to their sons. These boys were turning in their seats to look at my daughter, they were giggling and holding up their phones. It looked like they were filming her but I didn't want to jump to conclusions.
I thought, this isn't possible. She is seven years old, why would they be filming her? However, the giggling and the looks on their faces led me to believe that they were seeing my seven year old daughter like a potential sexual object. I tried to be rational. They are with their parents, they are probably laughing at something on their computers, something they are looking at that is already filmed and they happened to look at my youngest for some other reason. I did not want to burden my daughter who perceives herself as a child, and rightfully so, by reacting to these boys, accusing them of what I felt was inappropriate behaviour. Where is my proof? I did not want to go over and talk to them because I felt very angry and I worried that if they were doing what I thought and responded with a whatever attitude I might end up doing something I would regret. I walked over to my daughter and blocked their view. She did not notice any of this. I paid for the food and left.
It has bothered me ever since. When you just get a gut feeling and you are having a strong emotional reaction, it is difficult to know how to respond. It could all be a misunderstanding but what if it isn't? How do you approach this in a calm manner? "Excuse me, are you filming my seven year old daughter? Are you saying and thinking sexual thoughts about a seven year old? Can I see what is on your phones? Can you stay here while I call the police and have you arrested?" It was all so surreal.
I have given it a great deal of thought.
On the weekend, we went over to a friend's house for a BBQ. They have a daughter who is in my eldest daughter's class and they have a son who is a teenager. The kids were playing outside, having a great time. They were planning to have a sleepover. My youngest was excited to have a sleepover at their house and asked me when we were leaving because she wanted to feel grown up. The son's friend showed up for a sleepover as well. Suddenly, the dynamics changed. My daughters, their friend and her brother had been playing together before, jumping on the trampoline, running through the sprinklers and goofing around.
Now, they all went inside. We were outside eating. The kids were having too much fun to stop and eat just yet. Next thing I know, my daughters are coming to see me, asking me to help their friend. Her brother and his friend are taking stuff from her room, where the girls were playing, running away to hide her stuff and then wrestling with her. I asked if they were play fighting. My daughters said they weren't, they were hurting her, she was saying ouch and stop. I stood up to go in and investigate. Their friend came out and was putting on a brave face. She is 9 years old. She said: "Sorry about that, boys will be boys". I could tell she was upset despite her forced smile. I asked her if she'd like to sleep over at our house instead. I knew my girls no longer felt safe enough to stay there. They were upset by what had just happened. The girls packed her bag and we left shortly after. I did talk to the other parents about what had happened. They seemed to agree with the little girl's statement: "Oh well, boys will be boys".
Both of these experiences happened in one weekend. It makes me nervous. I have two confident, beautiful, smart, creative and sweet girls. The thought that they could be intimidated and made to feel unsafe by a few guys who just think it's funny to scare or hurt them is alarming to me. I worry about them in situations where a bunch of guys are looking at them and treating them like sexual objects. As women, we learn how to deal with this but I still wish we didn't have to. I still hope that, at some point, boys will be raised to see girls as people not just objects to be conquered. I'd love to see boys who respect girls and treat them well. These experiences have made me aware that we have not reached that point in time. I fear for my daughters. They have no idea.
I don't know what I can do as a woman without a son. This would make for such a great documentary, recording the changes in the perception of boys and girls as they move from ages 7-19 regarding the value of the opposite gender, how to interact with them and what is appropriate behaviour/language. I'm sure it would be an eye opener.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Yesterday, I took my youngest out with me to buy a Subway sandwich for tomorrow's school lunch. I try to offer something different every day of the week and she loves Subway's turkey subs. She had been swimming with her sister and friend earlier in the day so she was wearing her one piece swimsuit with capri shorts over top. As I stood at the far end of the counter, waiting for my turn to order her food, she walked over to the area closer to the cash to decide whether she would have a raisin oatmeal cookie or garden tomato flavoured Sun chips. So far, pretty typical activity, right?
Imagine my surprise when I looked over at her and spotted a table of teenagers. There were three or four teenagers sitting at the end of a group of tables closer to my daughter. Their parents were sitting at the opposite end of these tables, closer to the window, talking amongst themselves, oblivious to their sons. These boys were turning in their seats to look at my daughter, they were giggling and holding up their phones. It looked like they were filming her but I didn't want to jump to conclusions.
I thought, this isn't possible. She is seven years old, why would they be filming her? However, the giggling and the looks on their faces led me to believe that they were seeing my seven year old daughter like a potential sexual object. I tried to be rational. They are with their parents, they are probably laughing at something on their computers, something they are looking at that is already filmed and they happened to look at my youngest for some other reason. I did not want to burden my daughter who perceives herself as a child, and rightfully so, by reacting to these boys, accusing them of what I felt was inappropriate behaviour. Where is my proof? I did not want to go over and talk to them because I felt very angry and I worried that if they were doing what I thought and responded with a whatever attitude I might end up doing something I would regret. I walked over to my daughter and blocked their view. She did not notice any of this. I paid for the food and left.
It has bothered me ever since. When you just get a gut feeling and you are having a strong emotional reaction, it is difficult to know how to respond. It could all be a misunderstanding but what if it isn't? How do you approach this in a calm manner? "Excuse me, are you filming my seven year old daughter? Are you saying and thinking sexual thoughts about a seven year old? Can I see what is on your phones? Can you stay here while I call the police and have you arrested?" It was all so surreal.
I have given it a great deal of thought.
On the weekend, we went over to a friend's house for a BBQ. They have a daughter who is in my eldest daughter's class and they have a son who is a teenager. The kids were playing outside, having a great time. They were planning to have a sleepover. My youngest was excited to have a sleepover at their house and asked me when we were leaving because she wanted to feel grown up. The son's friend showed up for a sleepover as well. Suddenly, the dynamics changed. My daughters, their friend and her brother had been playing together before, jumping on the trampoline, running through the sprinklers and goofing around.
Now, they all went inside. We were outside eating. The kids were having too much fun to stop and eat just yet. Next thing I know, my daughters are coming to see me, asking me to help their friend. Her brother and his friend are taking stuff from her room, where the girls were playing, running away to hide her stuff and then wrestling with her. I asked if they were play fighting. My daughters said they weren't, they were hurting her, she was saying ouch and stop. I stood up to go in and investigate. Their friend came out and was putting on a brave face. She is 9 years old. She said: "Sorry about that, boys will be boys". I could tell she was upset despite her forced smile. I asked her if she'd like to sleep over at our house instead. I knew my girls no longer felt safe enough to stay there. They were upset by what had just happened. The girls packed her bag and we left shortly after. I did talk to the other parents about what had happened. They seemed to agree with the little girl's statement: "Oh well, boys will be boys".
Both of these experiences happened in one weekend. It makes me nervous. I have two confident, beautiful, smart, creative and sweet girls. The thought that they could be intimidated and made to feel unsafe by a few guys who just think it's funny to scare or hurt them is alarming to me. I worry about them in situations where a bunch of guys are looking at them and treating them like sexual objects. As women, we learn how to deal with this but I still wish we didn't have to. I still hope that, at some point, boys will be raised to see girls as people not just objects to be conquered. I'd love to see boys who respect girls and treat them well. These experiences have made me aware that we have not reached that point in time. I fear for my daughters. They have no idea.
I don't know what I can do as a woman without a son. This would make for such a great documentary, recording the changes in the perception of boys and girls as they move from ages 7-19 regarding the value of the opposite gender, how to interact with them and what is appropriate behaviour/language. I'm sure it would be an eye opener.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Friday, 17 June 2016
Father's Day
June 17th, 2016
I never knew my father. As a child, on Father's Day I either created a card for my uncle Jack or my grandfather. It was normal for me, no one made a big deal out of it so it didn't bother me. When my husband and I got married, my uncle Jack walked me down the aisle. It was a special moment that I will treasure forever.
My husband did know his father. I don't think he knew him well because he was rarely home, and when he was, there was violence, tension and, nine months later, a new sibling.
When we had our first child, I saw the most amazing look on my husband's face. I had lost a lot of blood and required stitching so no one paid attention to him. He was walking around with our daughter all bundled up, showing her off. Apparently, he wasn't supposed to do that but by the time the nurses noticed he had gotten around the unit and everyone had met Molly. I have a photo of Vincent holding Molly in his arms, beaming with pride.
Fatherhood was challenging for my husband at first. He had plenty of negative role models and he desperately wanted to be a good dad. I had no idea what dads did on a daily basis. I was close to my uncle Jack, my grandfather and my Godfather but I didn't live with them so I had no clue how a father interacts with his daughter day to day.
Over time, Vincent found his own way to bond with our daughters but their relationship didn't bloom until the girls were older. Now, he is known for his silliness. He makes the girls laugh. They know they can depend on him- he does what he says and shows up when he's supposed to. He is very affectionate and always kisses their booboos. He tells them they are "clever" and that he loves them. He is also more interested in fashion than I am. He's a stylist so he knows what is in and what isn't. He buys the girls cool outfits and accessories. I am clueless when it comes to fashion. I don't know or care what's in and I don't wear accessories (or makeup for that matter).
Father's Day was never really special to me before but, now that the children and I are celebrating my husband, it has a new meaning for me. I am proud that my children will grow up knowing their father and that he is a positive influence in their lives. I was shopping for cards from my children and from myself for my husband and it struck me how different Father's Day cards are from Mother's Day cards. The messages for dads are about feeling safe, cared for and protected. The Mother's Day cards are more about being nurtured and loved. Both roles are important. We balance each other out.
Happy Father's Day to all the dads out there, spending time with their children, working hard, being a great role model and source of love for the next generation!
Anne Walsh
www.artsnoul.org
I never knew my father. As a child, on Father's Day I either created a card for my uncle Jack or my grandfather. It was normal for me, no one made a big deal out of it so it didn't bother me. When my husband and I got married, my uncle Jack walked me down the aisle. It was a special moment that I will treasure forever.
My husband did know his father. I don't think he knew him well because he was rarely home, and when he was, there was violence, tension and, nine months later, a new sibling.
When we had our first child, I saw the most amazing look on my husband's face. I had lost a lot of blood and required stitching so no one paid attention to him. He was walking around with our daughter all bundled up, showing her off. Apparently, he wasn't supposed to do that but by the time the nurses noticed he had gotten around the unit and everyone had met Molly. I have a photo of Vincent holding Molly in his arms, beaming with pride.
Fatherhood was challenging for my husband at first. He had plenty of negative role models and he desperately wanted to be a good dad. I had no idea what dads did on a daily basis. I was close to my uncle Jack, my grandfather and my Godfather but I didn't live with them so I had no clue how a father interacts with his daughter day to day.
Over time, Vincent found his own way to bond with our daughters but their relationship didn't bloom until the girls were older. Now, he is known for his silliness. He makes the girls laugh. They know they can depend on him- he does what he says and shows up when he's supposed to. He is very affectionate and always kisses their booboos. He tells them they are "clever" and that he loves them. He is also more interested in fashion than I am. He's a stylist so he knows what is in and what isn't. He buys the girls cool outfits and accessories. I am clueless when it comes to fashion. I don't know or care what's in and I don't wear accessories (or makeup for that matter).
Father's Day was never really special to me before but, now that the children and I are celebrating my husband, it has a new meaning for me. I am proud that my children will grow up knowing their father and that he is a positive influence in their lives. I was shopping for cards from my children and from myself for my husband and it struck me how different Father's Day cards are from Mother's Day cards. The messages for dads are about feeling safe, cared for and protected. The Mother's Day cards are more about being nurtured and loved. Both roles are important. We balance each other out.
Happy Father's Day to all the dads out there, spending time with their children, working hard, being a great role model and source of love for the next generation!
Anne Walsh
www.artsnoul.org
Thursday, 16 June 2016
Older and Wiser Women
June 16th, 2016
Today, I went into TLC to look into the price of renting a chair to sit in the shower, a transport wheelchair, a hand-held shower head and many other implements. We are preparing for a visit from my mother-in-law, a vibrant, fun-loving woman who has some health concerns and mobility issues. We want her to be as comfortable as possible during her stay with us.
Stepping into this shop brought me back to my days working in long term care. I was surrounded by geriatric chairs, walkers and quad canes. As I drove away, I started to reminisce about the women I encountered through my work. I spent some time managing a locked unit but before then, I was working as a mobile art therapist travelling from one unit to the next.
I learned so much from the ladies I met at that time. I noticed that their approach to life now reflected the approach they had always had to life. I also got to hear their stories and learn from their successes and mistakes. One lady told me about her husband who neglected her and stressed her out. When this lovely woman had a stroke, that same husband never came to visit her.
I saw so many women who had five children but never had any visitors. Initially, I assumed they must have been an abusive mother or, have somehow alienated their adult children. However, it is so common that I think they can't all be abusive alcoholic moms. There is something else going on here. When I ask about their children, they tell me that they live out of town or have crazy jobs and very little time to visit. It's very sad because someday she won't be there anymore and they'll want to hear her voice or see her face. It'll be too late.
I have made decisions based on what they have shared with me. Here are some things they have taught me:
1-Don't let a man treat you like dirt
2-Communication is key to a successful marriage
3-Do what you love
4-Don't care what others think or say about you
5-Friends are important, make time for them
6-Enjoy your children when they are young, it feels long but it will actually fly by and you'll miss it later
7-Say yes to life, don't sit on the sidelines because you're scared of being judged or because of your weight
8-Spend your money on experiences not on a new shirt, you'll forget about clothing but you'll remember the experience and so will everyone who was with you
9-Be yourself
10-Your health is your most important asset, don't take it for granted
So there you have it, now you know what older, wiser women wish they knew when they were younger. If you follow their advice, you too can get to a ripe old age and pass your wisdom on to the next generation.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Today, I went into TLC to look into the price of renting a chair to sit in the shower, a transport wheelchair, a hand-held shower head and many other implements. We are preparing for a visit from my mother-in-law, a vibrant, fun-loving woman who has some health concerns and mobility issues. We want her to be as comfortable as possible during her stay with us.
Stepping into this shop brought me back to my days working in long term care. I was surrounded by geriatric chairs, walkers and quad canes. As I drove away, I started to reminisce about the women I encountered through my work. I spent some time managing a locked unit but before then, I was working as a mobile art therapist travelling from one unit to the next.
I learned so much from the ladies I met at that time. I noticed that their approach to life now reflected the approach they had always had to life. I also got to hear their stories and learn from their successes and mistakes. One lady told me about her husband who neglected her and stressed her out. When this lovely woman had a stroke, that same husband never came to visit her.
I saw so many women who had five children but never had any visitors. Initially, I assumed they must have been an abusive mother or, have somehow alienated their adult children. However, it is so common that I think they can't all be abusive alcoholic moms. There is something else going on here. When I ask about their children, they tell me that they live out of town or have crazy jobs and very little time to visit. It's very sad because someday she won't be there anymore and they'll want to hear her voice or see her face. It'll be too late.
I have made decisions based on what they have shared with me. Here are some things they have taught me:
1-Don't let a man treat you like dirt
2-Communication is key to a successful marriage
3-Do what you love
4-Don't care what others think or say about you
5-Friends are important, make time for them
6-Enjoy your children when they are young, it feels long but it will actually fly by and you'll miss it later
7-Say yes to life, don't sit on the sidelines because you're scared of being judged or because of your weight
8-Spend your money on experiences not on a new shirt, you'll forget about clothing but you'll remember the experience and so will everyone who was with you
9-Be yourself
10-Your health is your most important asset, don't take it for granted
So there you have it, now you know what older, wiser women wish they knew when they were younger. If you follow their advice, you too can get to a ripe old age and pass your wisdom on to the next generation.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Wednesday, 15 June 2016
Call of the Wild
June 15th, 2016
Today was all about nature. I went to Camp Otterdale in Lombardy, Ontario with my daughter and both Grade 4 classes. As we drove up the winding driveway, through lush trees, on a dirt road, we saw rustic wood cabins appear all around us and were greeted by friendly staff. I saw the water up ahead and felt like I'd come home. I love being in the woods, close to water so I was in heaven.
We had such an amazing day! We started with arts and crafts in the cabin closest to the water. I'll let you in on a little secret...I am NOT good at arts and crafts. I am creative and I enjoy painting, sculpting, journalling or collages but making bracelets out of gimp is so not my talent. I was able to watch and learn as camp monitors taught my daughter and her classmates how to make various styles of bracelets-some easy, others very challenging.
I got to watch my daughter try her hand at archery. She needed lots of guidance at first but she did quite well in the end. The students were so excited by this activity. It's much harder than it appears which makes it all the more sweeter when you get the arrow anywhere close to the target. The group then learned an activity called Bouldering. It's like rock climbing but you move sideways across the boulders instead of rising to the top. You can climb all the way around from one side of the wall to the back of the wall-both sides have boulders on them. I loved watching the confidence grow throughout this activity. Initially, students would complain that it was hot out, that they couldn't get a firm grip and that they weren't sure what to do. However, many disappeared behind the wall to practise out of sight only to emerge victorious and full of pride.
We all enjoyed our pizza lunch in the main hall. There were camp songs and a few speeches and then we were off to our walk on the nature trail. The children loved the caterpillars. They collected them and had masses of them draped all over their arms. We learned how to make maple sugar, named the maple trees and the chickens and, enjoyed the walk through the wilderness.
By the time we got home, we felt sun-sucked but satisfied. I picked up my youngest daughter from school. She had a silk worm. She found it in the school yard. She carried it in a sandwich bag until we got home and transferred it to a mason jar with some leaves. She was excited to show everyone her new friend-Squirmy.
After supper, I took the girls to the park. There was a snapping turtle under the swings. She was laying her eggs. There was no one there initially but as word got around, more and more children crowded around the swing set. I called a friend of mine who works at the conservation office. She suggested we just leave the turtle alone. I was intrigued by the reaction of the children playing at the park. They lost all interest in the playground. They just wanted to watch the turtle.
Today has confirmed for me that children belong in nature. They can learn everything they need to in a natural environment and so much more. They can build a chicken coop to practise their math skills. They can journal their observations to use their writing skills. Tasks can be assigned to each student to teach responsibility. Compassion, leadership and team work are taught effortlessly through hands-on activities. This experience has ignited a desire in me to learn as much as I can about the natural world around me-such as the names of insects and plants.
If you are feeling stressed out, drive to the closest wooded area, take your shoes off, walk around, breathe in the fresh air, feel the ground under your feet and absorb the serenity of nature.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Today was all about nature. I went to Camp Otterdale in Lombardy, Ontario with my daughter and both Grade 4 classes. As we drove up the winding driveway, through lush trees, on a dirt road, we saw rustic wood cabins appear all around us and were greeted by friendly staff. I saw the water up ahead and felt like I'd come home. I love being in the woods, close to water so I was in heaven.
We had such an amazing day! We started with arts and crafts in the cabin closest to the water. I'll let you in on a little secret...I am NOT good at arts and crafts. I am creative and I enjoy painting, sculpting, journalling or collages but making bracelets out of gimp is so not my talent. I was able to watch and learn as camp monitors taught my daughter and her classmates how to make various styles of bracelets-some easy, others very challenging.
I got to watch my daughter try her hand at archery. She needed lots of guidance at first but she did quite well in the end. The students were so excited by this activity. It's much harder than it appears which makes it all the more sweeter when you get the arrow anywhere close to the target. The group then learned an activity called Bouldering. It's like rock climbing but you move sideways across the boulders instead of rising to the top. You can climb all the way around from one side of the wall to the back of the wall-both sides have boulders on them. I loved watching the confidence grow throughout this activity. Initially, students would complain that it was hot out, that they couldn't get a firm grip and that they weren't sure what to do. However, many disappeared behind the wall to practise out of sight only to emerge victorious and full of pride.
We all enjoyed our pizza lunch in the main hall. There were camp songs and a few speeches and then we were off to our walk on the nature trail. The children loved the caterpillars. They collected them and had masses of them draped all over their arms. We learned how to make maple sugar, named the maple trees and the chickens and, enjoyed the walk through the wilderness.
By the time we got home, we felt sun-sucked but satisfied. I picked up my youngest daughter from school. She had a silk worm. She found it in the school yard. She carried it in a sandwich bag until we got home and transferred it to a mason jar with some leaves. She was excited to show everyone her new friend-Squirmy.
After supper, I took the girls to the park. There was a snapping turtle under the swings. She was laying her eggs. There was no one there initially but as word got around, more and more children crowded around the swing set. I called a friend of mine who works at the conservation office. She suggested we just leave the turtle alone. I was intrigued by the reaction of the children playing at the park. They lost all interest in the playground. They just wanted to watch the turtle.
Today has confirmed for me that children belong in nature. They can learn everything they need to in a natural environment and so much more. They can build a chicken coop to practise their math skills. They can journal their observations to use their writing skills. Tasks can be assigned to each student to teach responsibility. Compassion, leadership and team work are taught effortlessly through hands-on activities. This experience has ignited a desire in me to learn as much as I can about the natural world around me-such as the names of insects and plants.
If you are feeling stressed out, drive to the closest wooded area, take your shoes off, walk around, breathe in the fresh air, feel the ground under your feet and absorb the serenity of nature.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Tuesday, 14 June 2016
Stories We Tell
June 14th, 2016
Last night, I rented out a movie from the North Grenville Library. My friend Chris recommended it. The girls were at gymnastics with my husband so I had the whole house to myself. I prepared a lovely bath and settled in to watch this documentary.
Sarah Polley, the film director, interviews her family members. They are all reminiscing about Sarah's mother. The two older sons, from her mother's first marriage, give her a less-than-flattering review about their mother. Later, we witness the pain behind the anger of each son. They were raised by their father when their mother left them to pursue a love life with another man. There is a hint that their father was not a safe person when one of the boys states: "Surely she must have realized that leaving us meant she could no longer protect us".
Sarah's sisters came from the mother's union with her second husband. He was an actor. She fell in love with the character he was playing and, therefore, was disappointed when he turned out to be less exciting than she had imagined. They married and had children together but she was thirsty for life and exhausted this man who preferred to be left alone. He did not provide the attention and romance she so longed for. When an opportunity came up to go to Montreal to be in a play, she jumped at the chance. Her husband encouraged her to go to Montreal, desperate for some respite.
Sarah's mom met her father while acting in Montreal. They had a passionate affair and Sarah was conceived. When Sarah's mother passed away, it was her father who raised her. They were alone in the house and became very close. There were rumours that Sarah's father was not the man she loved but another man who lived in Montreal. She went about finding out who he was. When she did find her biological father, he told her about his affair with her mother. They developed their relationship and Sarah told the family about him but she did not tell her father. She feared that it would break his heart.
When a reporter discovered that Sarah's father was not her biological father, he decided to write about it and this forced Sarah to tell her father the secret about his paternity. This revelation brought them even closer. This is such an interesting documentary because it is really the story of one woman, Sarah's mother as told by different individuals who each loved her in their own way.
Each family has a story that they agree on, they fan the flames of this story because it binds them together. In private, in their own families, with their partners and children, they elaborate on this story, focusing on the elements that portray them in a certain way. They may see themselves as the peacemaker, the black sheep, the voice of truth, the one who broke the cycle, the caregiver etc.
If you could be a fly on the wall in the home of each family member, you could hear each interpretation of their family of origin. There would be a variety of alliances among family members who share common recollections. In families with multiple siblings, there is usually one person who sees one or both parents differently. This can cause conflicts and alienation within the family. All of this is heightened when a loved one dies.
In order to explore how this plays out in your own family, start by listing the names of family members in a circle from eldest to youngest (including parents), in a clockwise direction. Under each family name, write one sentence that would sum up their view of the family. If you're not sure, ask them to sum it up for you using five words or less. Then create lines between family members who have a strong alliance. One family member might have multiple alliances. Then draw jagged or pointy lines between family members who do not speak to each other, fight a lot or generally don't get along. Use a triangle to show triangulations among family members (when family members join forces against another family member).
Where are you in this system? How did your alliances and coalitions take place? What is the source of your conflict with other family members? How are these dynamics played out in other areas of your life? What is the story you tell yourself in order to make sense of it all and preserve your sense of self? This is a fascinating exercise and it forces you to accept, if only for a moment, that there may be more to other family members than what you see and, that your story is not the only one-the right one. There are many interpretations, each with a grain of truth. Happy digging!
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Last night, I rented out a movie from the North Grenville Library. My friend Chris recommended it. The girls were at gymnastics with my husband so I had the whole house to myself. I prepared a lovely bath and settled in to watch this documentary.
Sarah Polley, the film director, interviews her family members. They are all reminiscing about Sarah's mother. The two older sons, from her mother's first marriage, give her a less-than-flattering review about their mother. Later, we witness the pain behind the anger of each son. They were raised by their father when their mother left them to pursue a love life with another man. There is a hint that their father was not a safe person when one of the boys states: "Surely she must have realized that leaving us meant she could no longer protect us".
Sarah's sisters came from the mother's union with her second husband. He was an actor. She fell in love with the character he was playing and, therefore, was disappointed when he turned out to be less exciting than she had imagined. They married and had children together but she was thirsty for life and exhausted this man who preferred to be left alone. He did not provide the attention and romance she so longed for. When an opportunity came up to go to Montreal to be in a play, she jumped at the chance. Her husband encouraged her to go to Montreal, desperate for some respite.
Sarah's mom met her father while acting in Montreal. They had a passionate affair and Sarah was conceived. When Sarah's mother passed away, it was her father who raised her. They were alone in the house and became very close. There were rumours that Sarah's father was not the man she loved but another man who lived in Montreal. She went about finding out who he was. When she did find her biological father, he told her about his affair with her mother. They developed their relationship and Sarah told the family about him but she did not tell her father. She feared that it would break his heart.
When a reporter discovered that Sarah's father was not her biological father, he decided to write about it and this forced Sarah to tell her father the secret about his paternity. This revelation brought them even closer. This is such an interesting documentary because it is really the story of one woman, Sarah's mother as told by different individuals who each loved her in their own way.
Each family has a story that they agree on, they fan the flames of this story because it binds them together. In private, in their own families, with their partners and children, they elaborate on this story, focusing on the elements that portray them in a certain way. They may see themselves as the peacemaker, the black sheep, the voice of truth, the one who broke the cycle, the caregiver etc.
If you could be a fly on the wall in the home of each family member, you could hear each interpretation of their family of origin. There would be a variety of alliances among family members who share common recollections. In families with multiple siblings, there is usually one person who sees one or both parents differently. This can cause conflicts and alienation within the family. All of this is heightened when a loved one dies.
In order to explore how this plays out in your own family, start by listing the names of family members in a circle from eldest to youngest (including parents), in a clockwise direction. Under each family name, write one sentence that would sum up their view of the family. If you're not sure, ask them to sum it up for you using five words or less. Then create lines between family members who have a strong alliance. One family member might have multiple alliances. Then draw jagged or pointy lines between family members who do not speak to each other, fight a lot or generally don't get along. Use a triangle to show triangulations among family members (when family members join forces against another family member).
Where are you in this system? How did your alliances and coalitions take place? What is the source of your conflict with other family members? How are these dynamics played out in other areas of your life? What is the story you tell yourself in order to make sense of it all and preserve your sense of self? This is a fascinating exercise and it forces you to accept, if only for a moment, that there may be more to other family members than what you see and, that your story is not the only one-the right one. There are many interpretations, each with a grain of truth. Happy digging!
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Monday, 13 June 2016
Book of the Week-Life Loves You
June 13th, 2016
As I sat at my computer to write today's post, I caught a glimpse of my post counter-this is my 100th post. Hooray! This has been an interesting adventure so far. Only a handful of people have read it and that's ok. I am still learning about blogging and I am treating it like an extension of my journal. I explore topics of interest to me and try to stick to my commitment to write every weekday. Initially, I planned to write seven days a week and have a specific topic each day but that didn't work for me. Weekends are for family and if I am grumpy because I haven't been able to write my blog, that has a negative impact on my loved ones. They are the most important people in my life. Hence the decision to only write on weekdays. I also write about whatever comes to mind. Otherwise I am trying to research a topic or pin down a 40+ year old woman for an interview. I am enjoying this pace and I think a few topics will emerge over time. I may end up with a very different blog by the time the year is over. So, on with today's post...
I wanted to share Life Loves You by Louise Hay and Robert Holden. I heard about this book when I tuned into the Hay House Summit. Robert Holden is one of the interviewers for the summit and he mentioned the book a few times. I saw the book at Shopper's Drug Mart a week or two after the summit. It caught my eye and I took it home.
The book documents conversations between Robert Holden and Louise Hay. The premise of the book is that life shouldn't be painful. This doesn't mean there are no obstacles but we stop struggling and try to understand what is happening instead. Each chapter shows us how to love ourselves and live our best lives with lessons, quotes, a look into the interactions between Robert and Louise and, finally, my favourite part, some practical activities to act on this new knowledge.
Louise is known for her mirror work. The book starts with the use of mirror work to boost our feelings of self-love. In her practice, she sits in front of a full-length mirror with clients. She says people struggle to look at themselves and say: "I love you!". The first step is becoming comfortable in our own presence.
In chapter 2, we add affirmations that empower us to believe in our worthiness. Readers learn to say yes to life by surrendering their struggle and tapping into their wisdom. I love affirmations. I learned many of them from other books by Louise Hay. Here is my favourite affirmation from You Can Heal Your Life, "The more love I use and give, the more I have to give. The supply is endless." and "I earn good money doing what satisfies me". The first time I read these affirmations, they felt so good in my heart, my body vibrated. They get transferred from one journal to the next because I don't want to ever forget them.
Chapter 3 was a very fun adventure, becoming aware of what brings me joy and creating a visual representation of it as if it were already true in the present. I have my vision board in my walk-in closet. I see it every day when I am getting dressed and I look at it every night before bed.
In the fourth chapter, we are guided to recognize when we fell out of love with ourselves as well as everything we have come to believe about our life and our role in our own story. The reader is encouraged to forgive others and him/herself in order to thrive and fulfill his/her destiny. This was a heavy chapter and I had to take a breather here.
The following chapter was all about gratitude, a topic that is gaining popularity. Last year, I discovered the power of gratitude when I started writing down ten things I was thankful for and why in my journal every day. I had to say thank you out loud as I read what I had wrote. This activity did more than make me feel good. It changed my interactions and attracted opportunities into my life at a ridiculous speed. If you are feeling stuck right now, try this out and see where it leads.
Next, we are taught how to receive. If the universe is abundant, you are loved and you are worthy then all you need to do is say yes and remain open in order to receive. I first realized that I was not able to receive when I was in Toronto studying to become an art therapist. I had noticed years earlier when I was doing theatre that I found it easier to exhale than to inhale. This became significant as I analyzed my personality. I realized I thrive on doing special things for others. However, I have a difficult time letting others do stuff for me. I am very self-sufficient and that feels safe to me. I know I won't let myself down but it doesn't give loved ones the satisfaction of loving me back. When we had our car accident two years ago, I was concussed and I relied on my mother and husband to help me. I had to say no to my daughters. The experience helped me to see that my relationships were out of balance. I have recently explored my blockages when it comes to receiving money. I have worked on those as well. Life is fascinating, always a journey.
The final chapter encourages us to feel safe and loved enough to pour our love back into the world. We are guided through a meditation that helps us bless everyone from our loved ones to our enemies and extending out into the universe.
I thoroughly loved this book. It sets a good pace, is an easy read and leaves you feeling giddy with love. Blessing to all of you!
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
As I sat at my computer to write today's post, I caught a glimpse of my post counter-this is my 100th post. Hooray! This has been an interesting adventure so far. Only a handful of people have read it and that's ok. I am still learning about blogging and I am treating it like an extension of my journal. I explore topics of interest to me and try to stick to my commitment to write every weekday. Initially, I planned to write seven days a week and have a specific topic each day but that didn't work for me. Weekends are for family and if I am grumpy because I haven't been able to write my blog, that has a negative impact on my loved ones. They are the most important people in my life. Hence the decision to only write on weekdays. I also write about whatever comes to mind. Otherwise I am trying to research a topic or pin down a 40+ year old woman for an interview. I am enjoying this pace and I think a few topics will emerge over time. I may end up with a very different blog by the time the year is over. So, on with today's post...
I wanted to share Life Loves You by Louise Hay and Robert Holden. I heard about this book when I tuned into the Hay House Summit. Robert Holden is one of the interviewers for the summit and he mentioned the book a few times. I saw the book at Shopper's Drug Mart a week or two after the summit. It caught my eye and I took it home.
The book documents conversations between Robert Holden and Louise Hay. The premise of the book is that life shouldn't be painful. This doesn't mean there are no obstacles but we stop struggling and try to understand what is happening instead. Each chapter shows us how to love ourselves and live our best lives with lessons, quotes, a look into the interactions between Robert and Louise and, finally, my favourite part, some practical activities to act on this new knowledge.
Louise is known for her mirror work. The book starts with the use of mirror work to boost our feelings of self-love. In her practice, she sits in front of a full-length mirror with clients. She says people struggle to look at themselves and say: "I love you!". The first step is becoming comfortable in our own presence.
In chapter 2, we add affirmations that empower us to believe in our worthiness. Readers learn to say yes to life by surrendering their struggle and tapping into their wisdom. I love affirmations. I learned many of them from other books by Louise Hay. Here is my favourite affirmation from You Can Heal Your Life, "The more love I use and give, the more I have to give. The supply is endless." and "I earn good money doing what satisfies me". The first time I read these affirmations, they felt so good in my heart, my body vibrated. They get transferred from one journal to the next because I don't want to ever forget them.
Chapter 3 was a very fun adventure, becoming aware of what brings me joy and creating a visual representation of it as if it were already true in the present. I have my vision board in my walk-in closet. I see it every day when I am getting dressed and I look at it every night before bed.
In the fourth chapter, we are guided to recognize when we fell out of love with ourselves as well as everything we have come to believe about our life and our role in our own story. The reader is encouraged to forgive others and him/herself in order to thrive and fulfill his/her destiny. This was a heavy chapter and I had to take a breather here.
The following chapter was all about gratitude, a topic that is gaining popularity. Last year, I discovered the power of gratitude when I started writing down ten things I was thankful for and why in my journal every day. I had to say thank you out loud as I read what I had wrote. This activity did more than make me feel good. It changed my interactions and attracted opportunities into my life at a ridiculous speed. If you are feeling stuck right now, try this out and see where it leads.
Next, we are taught how to receive. If the universe is abundant, you are loved and you are worthy then all you need to do is say yes and remain open in order to receive. I first realized that I was not able to receive when I was in Toronto studying to become an art therapist. I had noticed years earlier when I was doing theatre that I found it easier to exhale than to inhale. This became significant as I analyzed my personality. I realized I thrive on doing special things for others. However, I have a difficult time letting others do stuff for me. I am very self-sufficient and that feels safe to me. I know I won't let myself down but it doesn't give loved ones the satisfaction of loving me back. When we had our car accident two years ago, I was concussed and I relied on my mother and husband to help me. I had to say no to my daughters. The experience helped me to see that my relationships were out of balance. I have recently explored my blockages when it comes to receiving money. I have worked on those as well. Life is fascinating, always a journey.
The final chapter encourages us to feel safe and loved enough to pour our love back into the world. We are guided through a meditation that helps us bless everyone from our loved ones to our enemies and extending out into the universe.
I thoroughly loved this book. It sets a good pace, is an easy read and leaves you feeling giddy with love. Blessing to all of you!
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Friday, 10 June 2016
Thank You Teachers!
June 10th, 2016
The school year is coming to a close and my daughters are busy writing poems for their teachers. They love their teachers this year! I am so relieved because there have been years where they did not click with them and it has such an impact on their motivation to go to school. Teachers have such an important role. They are with our children every day of the week, in groups of 30, trying to instil a thirst for knowledge or, even more challenging, a passion for their assigned subject. They must be an educator, entertainer, substitute parent, therapist, motivational speaker and nurse.
Teachers can't have a bad day. You know how we can all have one of those days at work where we tell someone off or curse, teachers can't do this because the children will quickly go home and report the whole thing to their parents. Parents are a whole other aspect of a teacher's job. Some parents won't reply to a teacher's messages, they don't want to come in for a visit or complete homework. Other parents think they should have been educators and so they attempt to coach the teachers to become better at their job. There is so much pressure on teachers to get everything right and keep the school out of trouble.
Compassionate teachers can suffer a burn out because they see that some children are growing up way too soon. They may have parents who are neglectful, abusive or struggling to make ends meet. They see group dynamics where some students are being rejected or ridiculed by peers. Teachers want to protect and promote confidence in their students but they are only one person. They recognize that their reach is limited and this is difficult to accept. You have such a mix of students in one class all with their own needs but just one adult to help them all.
I recall Mlle De Bellefeuille, a retired nun and grade 2 teacher who kept me in school after class to help her decorate the classroom. She was very kind to me and I knew she cared about me. My daughter Stella loves Mme Jocelyne because she is an artist. In December, we bought her teacher pencils and a mandala drawing book. Stella said she saw love in her teacher's eyes when she saw her gift. Stella was so happy. She wants to buy the exact same gift for her now, hoping for the same reaction. My daughter Molly loves Mrs Johnston and Mrs Granger. Mrs Johnston likes her and makes funny comments. Molly comes home and repeats her comments to me. She feels safe with her knowing that she will be kind to her and has her best interest at heart. Mrs Granger teaches both girls and they are very fond of her. She puts a lot of passion into her work, she teaches Shakespeare and Beethoven, creating plays and music videos. The kids have so much fun learning in her class. They will miss her over the summer for sure.
My eldest has come out of her shell this year. She has started gymnastics class and she does enjoy testing her body to see what she can do. She was exposed to floor hockey, badminton and performance arts through school this year. She did a 2 minute dance performance at the talent show with three of her friends. She is willing to try new experiences now which comes from being in a school where she feels valued, safe and loved. My youngest has made lots of friends and is excited to learn in class and try out sports in the gym. Both girls have Mr. Matheson who is fun-loving and approachable. They love when he acts goofy with them.
We put so many expectations on teachers, their work is crucial to the healthy development of our children, they impact their desire to keep learning as well as their self-esteem. No other job has such high stakes. I would like to thank all the teachers for their hard work and devotion. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
The school year is coming to a close and my daughters are busy writing poems for their teachers. They love their teachers this year! I am so relieved because there have been years where they did not click with them and it has such an impact on their motivation to go to school. Teachers have such an important role. They are with our children every day of the week, in groups of 30, trying to instil a thirst for knowledge or, even more challenging, a passion for their assigned subject. They must be an educator, entertainer, substitute parent, therapist, motivational speaker and nurse.
Teachers can't have a bad day. You know how we can all have one of those days at work where we tell someone off or curse, teachers can't do this because the children will quickly go home and report the whole thing to their parents. Parents are a whole other aspect of a teacher's job. Some parents won't reply to a teacher's messages, they don't want to come in for a visit or complete homework. Other parents think they should have been educators and so they attempt to coach the teachers to become better at their job. There is so much pressure on teachers to get everything right and keep the school out of trouble.
Compassionate teachers can suffer a burn out because they see that some children are growing up way too soon. They may have parents who are neglectful, abusive or struggling to make ends meet. They see group dynamics where some students are being rejected or ridiculed by peers. Teachers want to protect and promote confidence in their students but they are only one person. They recognize that their reach is limited and this is difficult to accept. You have such a mix of students in one class all with their own needs but just one adult to help them all.
I recall Mlle De Bellefeuille, a retired nun and grade 2 teacher who kept me in school after class to help her decorate the classroom. She was very kind to me and I knew she cared about me. My daughter Stella loves Mme Jocelyne because she is an artist. In December, we bought her teacher pencils and a mandala drawing book. Stella said she saw love in her teacher's eyes when she saw her gift. Stella was so happy. She wants to buy the exact same gift for her now, hoping for the same reaction. My daughter Molly loves Mrs Johnston and Mrs Granger. Mrs Johnston likes her and makes funny comments. Molly comes home and repeats her comments to me. She feels safe with her knowing that she will be kind to her and has her best interest at heart. Mrs Granger teaches both girls and they are very fond of her. She puts a lot of passion into her work, she teaches Shakespeare and Beethoven, creating plays and music videos. The kids have so much fun learning in her class. They will miss her over the summer for sure.
My eldest has come out of her shell this year. She has started gymnastics class and she does enjoy testing her body to see what she can do. She was exposed to floor hockey, badminton and performance arts through school this year. She did a 2 minute dance performance at the talent show with three of her friends. She is willing to try new experiences now which comes from being in a school where she feels valued, safe and loved. My youngest has made lots of friends and is excited to learn in class and try out sports in the gym. Both girls have Mr. Matheson who is fun-loving and approachable. They love when he acts goofy with them.
We put so many expectations on teachers, their work is crucial to the healthy development of our children, they impact their desire to keep learning as well as their self-esteem. No other job has such high stakes. I would like to thank all the teachers for their hard work and devotion. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
Thursday, 9 June 2016
The Mommy Monologues?
June 9th, 2016
Yesterday, I went to Juice 97.5FM for an interview with Diana Fisher. We were promoting the book launch for my second children's book, The Story of Poobum and Pompom. This morning, I got to listen to the interview before I drove to the grocery store. I was proud of my interview because it gave me the opportunity to share the inspiration for the book, my own experience with my eldest daughter, Molly, when my youngest, Stella, was born. My intention in writing the book was to help other parents through this transition. It was such a challenging time for us as a family.
As I drove to the store, thinking about my life seven years ago and how far we have come, a title popped into my head, The Mommy Monologues. I remember when the Vagina Monologues just hit the stage. It was so controversial, women talking about their vaginas. Each vagina story revealed a different aspect of women- their femininity, sexuality, vulnerability, creativity and power. I was struck by how women struggle these days in their roles as mothers. Times have changed, women are liberated, they have so many choices-have a child, don't have a child, get married, don't get married, take maternity leave or return to work, work from home or work outside the home (just to name a few). You would think that would empower women but there is so much variety in the way we mother as well as judgment among moms.
Women may feel guilty if they wish to return to work soon after having their child. They may feel pressured to take the year off because they can. Others may want to stay home longer but need to return to work for financial reasons. The way we parent can be very different, the level of involvement, emotional availability and sharing, discipline, values, spiritual education of children etc. We have all these options but considerably less support during those important years of adjustment to our new role.
Becoming a parent changes you and it certainly impacts your relationship with your partner. We need more support as women in our important role as mothers. We also need more diversity in our stories and portrayals of mothers-working moms, stay-at-home moms, mothers with mental illnesses, mothers struggling with addictions or suffering through physical, emotional, sexual abuse, incarcerated mothers, mothers on welfare, moms with cancer, lesbian moms, adoptive moms, surrogate moms, step-moms, moms who never got to take their babies home-man there is so much richness just waiting to be harvested!
Wouldn't it be cool to have the Mommy Monologues, a play where a wide range of mothers get to share their story, something that will speak to each mother in the audience regardless of who she is and what she is going through, an experience that would breed compassion for every type of mom, celebrate our resilience and help others understand what mothering is like when your life is in a totally different reality.
I just had the title float through my mind today, it will simmer for a while until I can find a way to birth it and share it. This is a very exciting idea and I will savour it-its newness and potential, for just a while longer.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Yesterday, I went to Juice 97.5FM for an interview with Diana Fisher. We were promoting the book launch for my second children's book, The Story of Poobum and Pompom. This morning, I got to listen to the interview before I drove to the grocery store. I was proud of my interview because it gave me the opportunity to share the inspiration for the book, my own experience with my eldest daughter, Molly, when my youngest, Stella, was born. My intention in writing the book was to help other parents through this transition. It was such a challenging time for us as a family.
As I drove to the store, thinking about my life seven years ago and how far we have come, a title popped into my head, The Mommy Monologues. I remember when the Vagina Monologues just hit the stage. It was so controversial, women talking about their vaginas. Each vagina story revealed a different aspect of women- their femininity, sexuality, vulnerability, creativity and power. I was struck by how women struggle these days in their roles as mothers. Times have changed, women are liberated, they have so many choices-have a child, don't have a child, get married, don't get married, take maternity leave or return to work, work from home or work outside the home (just to name a few). You would think that would empower women but there is so much variety in the way we mother as well as judgment among moms.
Women may feel guilty if they wish to return to work soon after having their child. They may feel pressured to take the year off because they can. Others may want to stay home longer but need to return to work for financial reasons. The way we parent can be very different, the level of involvement, emotional availability and sharing, discipline, values, spiritual education of children etc. We have all these options but considerably less support during those important years of adjustment to our new role.
Becoming a parent changes you and it certainly impacts your relationship with your partner. We need more support as women in our important role as mothers. We also need more diversity in our stories and portrayals of mothers-working moms, stay-at-home moms, mothers with mental illnesses, mothers struggling with addictions or suffering through physical, emotional, sexual abuse, incarcerated mothers, mothers on welfare, moms with cancer, lesbian moms, adoptive moms, surrogate moms, step-moms, moms who never got to take their babies home-man there is so much richness just waiting to be harvested!
Wouldn't it be cool to have the Mommy Monologues, a play where a wide range of mothers get to share their story, something that will speak to each mother in the audience regardless of who she is and what she is going through, an experience that would breed compassion for every type of mom, celebrate our resilience and help others understand what mothering is like when your life is in a totally different reality.
I just had the title float through my mind today, it will simmer for a while until I can find a way to birth it and share it. This is a very exciting idea and I will savour it-its newness and potential, for just a while longer.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Wednesday, 8 June 2016
I Got the Music in Me
June 8th, 2016
Listen to a song from your childhood and you are immediately transported back in time. Music (and smells) have that power. Music can alter your mood and help you heal faster. I recall the year I was hired to co-run a daycare. I was loving my job for two days and then I went down hard with some kind of flu. They told me everyone who starts working with children gets this flu, it's your body's response to the abundance of germs all hanging out in one place. I slept all day for two days in a row. Then, I decided to listen to music on my "walkman". By the end of Side A of my cassette tape, I was up and dancing. I knew I was on the mend. I know from experience that listening to some really engaging music can lead to a speeding ticket-it was worth it. I have watched the power of music transform older adults on a dementia unit from lethargic to engaged and, non-verbal residents to karaoke artists. I have used music in my work with children to get their energy out (with a fast tempo) then help them relax through a slow, instrumental soundtrack.
In my workshops with adults, I often have them create a collage of their intention then we visualize how it would look if their intention was manifested. We top it all off by associating a soundtrack with the feeling of this manifestation. I have used this myself whenever I set goals. I would love for you to experience the power of music to keep you in the feeling of your intentions for the months ahead. Let's try it together.
We have many dimensions to our lives: finances, family, work, growth, friendship, spiritual, health etc. Rate your level of satisfaction from 1-10 for each segment of your life. You may have different sections than the ones named above, please choose your own names for each category.
Next, choose the area you feel most needs your attention (lowest satisfaction rating).
Third, identify your intention for that area of your life, make it specific and concrete. E.g. I will lose 15 pounds before Christmas so I feel confident enough to go swimming with the kids during our trip or I will apply to five new jobs each week until I find something fulfilling that uses my skills. Notice that both examples contain four parts:
1-An action statement, I will
2-A concrete measurement, 15 pounds or five jobs
3-A timeline, before Christmas or each week
4-A payoff, swimming with the children or a fulfilling job
Write your own intentional statement then gather images from Google images, magazines or your own photos to show what your life would be like if you manifested your intention. You could also draw, paint or sculpt it. Once you have a visual for your intention, try to engage all your sense. What would you hear, see, feel, smell or taste if you were living this manifestation? Use your imagination to live this reality in your mind. Give it a descriptive title like Anne's Hot Bod for the Holidays or Living My Bliss! Finally, choose a soundtrack that matches the emotions of living this dream. Buy the song on iTunes or google it on You Tube and play it at least once a day. You'll see that even when you don't feel energized and are doubting yourself, just playing the song will bring you right back to the positive emotional state you associate with the manifestation of your intention.
Good luck! I'd love to hear examples of how people have applied this activity. Please feel free to e-mail me.
Anne Walsh
artnsoul@ripnet.com
www.artnsoul.org
Listen to a song from your childhood and you are immediately transported back in time. Music (and smells) have that power. Music can alter your mood and help you heal faster. I recall the year I was hired to co-run a daycare. I was loving my job for two days and then I went down hard with some kind of flu. They told me everyone who starts working with children gets this flu, it's your body's response to the abundance of germs all hanging out in one place. I slept all day for two days in a row. Then, I decided to listen to music on my "walkman". By the end of Side A of my cassette tape, I was up and dancing. I knew I was on the mend. I know from experience that listening to some really engaging music can lead to a speeding ticket-it was worth it. I have watched the power of music transform older adults on a dementia unit from lethargic to engaged and, non-verbal residents to karaoke artists. I have used music in my work with children to get their energy out (with a fast tempo) then help them relax through a slow, instrumental soundtrack.
In my workshops with adults, I often have them create a collage of their intention then we visualize how it would look if their intention was manifested. We top it all off by associating a soundtrack with the feeling of this manifestation. I have used this myself whenever I set goals. I would love for you to experience the power of music to keep you in the feeling of your intentions for the months ahead. Let's try it together.
We have many dimensions to our lives: finances, family, work, growth, friendship, spiritual, health etc. Rate your level of satisfaction from 1-10 for each segment of your life. You may have different sections than the ones named above, please choose your own names for each category.
Next, choose the area you feel most needs your attention (lowest satisfaction rating).
Third, identify your intention for that area of your life, make it specific and concrete. E.g. I will lose 15 pounds before Christmas so I feel confident enough to go swimming with the kids during our trip or I will apply to five new jobs each week until I find something fulfilling that uses my skills. Notice that both examples contain four parts:
1-An action statement, I will
2-A concrete measurement, 15 pounds or five jobs
3-A timeline, before Christmas or each week
4-A payoff, swimming with the children or a fulfilling job
Write your own intentional statement then gather images from Google images, magazines or your own photos to show what your life would be like if you manifested your intention. You could also draw, paint or sculpt it. Once you have a visual for your intention, try to engage all your sense. What would you hear, see, feel, smell or taste if you were living this manifestation? Use your imagination to live this reality in your mind. Give it a descriptive title like Anne's Hot Bod for the Holidays or Living My Bliss! Finally, choose a soundtrack that matches the emotions of living this dream. Buy the song on iTunes or google it on You Tube and play it at least once a day. You'll see that even when you don't feel energized and are doubting yourself, just playing the song will bring you right back to the positive emotional state you associate with the manifestation of your intention.
Good luck! I'd love to hear examples of how people have applied this activity. Please feel free to e-mail me.
Anne Walsh
artnsoul@ripnet.com
www.artnsoul.org
Tuesday, 7 June 2016
Quality of Life
June 7th, 2016
Years ago, I was hired to complete quality of life surveys in Chronic Care Hospitals throughout Ontario. I loved this work because I got to sit with patients and talk for a bit before and after each survey. They would tell me why they were there and what they missed about being healthy and at home. I got to learn from them what made their stay at the hospital more tolerable. There were hospitals where staff welcomed us and others where we were definitely not wanted. I could get a sense of each unit by the way staff interacted, or failed to interact, with the patients. I saw a lot of lonely individuals but I was also impressed with their resilience. Some people remained optimistic despite really tragic situations.
One of the favorite parts of my job was the challenge of communicating with individuals whose ability to speak was impaired. Some people had computers attached to their wheelchairs. They would move their eyes, tongues or fingers and the computer would type a message. In some cases what they wrote would be spoken out loud by the computer. I would scroll through the lists of names that were deemed unable to complete the interview and I would visit these patients. We would usually find a way to complete the interview which thrilled me. It came down to decoding their language. I would ask Yes/No questions then encourage them to blink, look up or down, stick out their tongue, lift a finger or raise eyebrows in order to say yes. I think these interactions led me to my future career in art therapy. I was so moved by the experience of understanding someone's language, of knowing that this person's voice was heard despite the challenges we faced. Art therapy also gives a voice to individuals who feel invisible, mute or otherwise limited in their ability to express themselves.
I was touched by the simple things that improved quality of life-privacy (knock before you enter a room), kindness (staff who spoke to them and made eye contact every time they entered their room to administer care), connection (having opportunities to interact with others through recreational programs or volunteer visits) and dignity (being treated with respect, not like a number or an inanimate object). There was a really intelligent woman paralyzed from the neck down. She missed having intellectual stimulation. In my time with her we found a wand that she could wear with a band strapped to her head. We could obtain a book holder and use the wand to turn the pages as she read books. She was ecstatic at the thought of reading again. I had suggested audio books initially but she was visual and the audio books did not engage her, she would fall asleep. I thought about this woman for some time after our interview. I can't imagine how difficult it would be to have a perfectly functional brain but an unresponsive body-to have all these ideas and never be able to act on them.
When I wrote my art therapy thesis, I examined the factors that contribute to quality of life and mental health for older adults living in long term care. My goal was to link self-expression through art therapy to each factor. I can now see how each factor would be challenged during a hospital stay.
You are admitted to the hospital because you are no longer able to function the way you used to, you are cut off from your neighbourhood, family and friends, you depend on others for food, hygiene, entertainment, you have less control over your life and you don't have a well-defined purpose when you get up in the morning.
Once in a while, when I feel bummed by events in my life, I remind myself that I am so very lucky that I can get up on my own, drive where I want to go, eat, make plans, choose the activities that fill my day and interact with many lovely individuals along the way.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Years ago, I was hired to complete quality of life surveys in Chronic Care Hospitals throughout Ontario. I loved this work because I got to sit with patients and talk for a bit before and after each survey. They would tell me why they were there and what they missed about being healthy and at home. I got to learn from them what made their stay at the hospital more tolerable. There were hospitals where staff welcomed us and others where we were definitely not wanted. I could get a sense of each unit by the way staff interacted, or failed to interact, with the patients. I saw a lot of lonely individuals but I was also impressed with their resilience. Some people remained optimistic despite really tragic situations.
One of the favorite parts of my job was the challenge of communicating with individuals whose ability to speak was impaired. Some people had computers attached to their wheelchairs. They would move their eyes, tongues or fingers and the computer would type a message. In some cases what they wrote would be spoken out loud by the computer. I would scroll through the lists of names that were deemed unable to complete the interview and I would visit these patients. We would usually find a way to complete the interview which thrilled me. It came down to decoding their language. I would ask Yes/No questions then encourage them to blink, look up or down, stick out their tongue, lift a finger or raise eyebrows in order to say yes. I think these interactions led me to my future career in art therapy. I was so moved by the experience of understanding someone's language, of knowing that this person's voice was heard despite the challenges we faced. Art therapy also gives a voice to individuals who feel invisible, mute or otherwise limited in their ability to express themselves.
I was touched by the simple things that improved quality of life-privacy (knock before you enter a room), kindness (staff who spoke to them and made eye contact every time they entered their room to administer care), connection (having opportunities to interact with others through recreational programs or volunteer visits) and dignity (being treated with respect, not like a number or an inanimate object). There was a really intelligent woman paralyzed from the neck down. She missed having intellectual stimulation. In my time with her we found a wand that she could wear with a band strapped to her head. We could obtain a book holder and use the wand to turn the pages as she read books. She was ecstatic at the thought of reading again. I had suggested audio books initially but she was visual and the audio books did not engage her, she would fall asleep. I thought about this woman for some time after our interview. I can't imagine how difficult it would be to have a perfectly functional brain but an unresponsive body-to have all these ideas and never be able to act on them.
When I wrote my art therapy thesis, I examined the factors that contribute to quality of life and mental health for older adults living in long term care. My goal was to link self-expression through art therapy to each factor. I can now see how each factor would be challenged during a hospital stay.
You are admitted to the hospital because you are no longer able to function the way you used to, you are cut off from your neighbourhood, family and friends, you depend on others for food, hygiene, entertainment, you have less control over your life and you don't have a well-defined purpose when you get up in the morning.
Once in a while, when I feel bummed by events in my life, I remind myself that I am so very lucky that I can get up on my own, drive where I want to go, eat, make plans, choose the activities that fill my day and interact with many lovely individuals along the way.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Monday, 6 June 2016
It Takes A Village
June 6th, 2016
We've all heard the expression: "It takes a village to raise a child". However, I have been thinking a lot lately about the power of community as an entrepreneur.
I was raised in the city and, as a child, I got to know the kids in my neighbourhood but the adults didn't mingle unless their children were friends. You could live three years within spitting distance of your neighbours and never get to know them. They were a mystery-their name, occupation, secrets, aspirations etc.
When I moved to the country, one of the things I loved was the way everyone seemed to know each other. Initially it's challenging because you are an outsider but as people see you around, as you get involved with various groups, as you cross paths, you forge connections and people and places become familiar. You reach a comfort level and a feeling of belonging. My children hate running errands with me because we bump into people I know and I like to chat which prolongs each errand much to their chagrin.
As an entrepreneur, sometimes, your biggest struggle is getting people to try your product or service. Word of mouth is a powerful tool in a rural community but only if someone has tried your services. There are so many expenses involved in starting a business-website, business cards, social media, marketing, inventory, staff, taxes, professional memberships, cell phone and e-mail accounts just to name a few. The advantage of being a part of a small community is you will find that many people are willing to connect you with the right resource and you help each other out.
I have been so fortunate to meet the right people who have connected me to amazing professionals. This past year has been focused primarily on working with children and teenagers within the school system. I was lucky that Mme Graham, then a Grade 3 teacher, allowed me to offer my creativity workshops to her students. Shelley Mitchell connected me to Oxford-on-Rideau Public School when they were searching for someone to run a few after-school art programs in November and December 2014. Tia Akse introduced me to Meredith Luce who became the illustrator of my deck of cards and books. My walking buddy, Chris Turnbull, brought Andrew McManaman, a first-year film student, into my life just when I needed someone to film my workshops. Mandy Moodie at Classic Graphics is super talented and constantly sets up posters or documents for me so they look professional. Maggie Boyer and David Shanahan empowered me to write a bunch of articles on topics of interest to me. Their paper, The NG Times, connected me to this community in a way I had never experienced and, they helped me publish my first book which gave me the confidence to write a second one. Jocelyne Elliott invited me into her Grade 2 class for my Have You Hugged Your Alien? workshop and sang my praises at the parent council. The Parent Council applied for funding so I could develop three workshops to improve communication among family members. The grant was approved and I had the pleasure of meeting so many local parents and children in the process. Bev Illauq invited me to the Catholic District School Board Community Partner Day two years ago. This led to me meeting Michelle Neville who has been a great resource and liaison for me. Anita Mitra, a teacher at the Smiths Falls District High School welcomed me into her High Arts program for a half day stress management workshop with her talented students. The North Grenville Public Library who is hosting my book launch. Jim Beveridge at B&H Your Community Grocer who not only supplies the empty boxes to organize my supplies for workshops but who has also offered to display my books for sale in his store at no cost to me. Are you out of breath yet?
As an entrepreneur, you depend on people to give you a chance, to tell others about your business, to sing your praises and to refer clients to you. You also grow as a business when people use local services and help each other out. I am so grateful to live in a rural community where people promote one another and celebrate each other's successes. Thank you Kemptville for your support and encouragement! I couldn't have made it this far without you.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
We've all heard the expression: "It takes a village to raise a child". However, I have been thinking a lot lately about the power of community as an entrepreneur.
I was raised in the city and, as a child, I got to know the kids in my neighbourhood but the adults didn't mingle unless their children were friends. You could live three years within spitting distance of your neighbours and never get to know them. They were a mystery-their name, occupation, secrets, aspirations etc.
When I moved to the country, one of the things I loved was the way everyone seemed to know each other. Initially it's challenging because you are an outsider but as people see you around, as you get involved with various groups, as you cross paths, you forge connections and people and places become familiar. You reach a comfort level and a feeling of belonging. My children hate running errands with me because we bump into people I know and I like to chat which prolongs each errand much to their chagrin.
As an entrepreneur, sometimes, your biggest struggle is getting people to try your product or service. Word of mouth is a powerful tool in a rural community but only if someone has tried your services. There are so many expenses involved in starting a business-website, business cards, social media, marketing, inventory, staff, taxes, professional memberships, cell phone and e-mail accounts just to name a few. The advantage of being a part of a small community is you will find that many people are willing to connect you with the right resource and you help each other out.
I have been so fortunate to meet the right people who have connected me to amazing professionals. This past year has been focused primarily on working with children and teenagers within the school system. I was lucky that Mme Graham, then a Grade 3 teacher, allowed me to offer my creativity workshops to her students. Shelley Mitchell connected me to Oxford-on-Rideau Public School when they were searching for someone to run a few after-school art programs in November and December 2014. Tia Akse introduced me to Meredith Luce who became the illustrator of my deck of cards and books. My walking buddy, Chris Turnbull, brought Andrew McManaman, a first-year film student, into my life just when I needed someone to film my workshops. Mandy Moodie at Classic Graphics is super talented and constantly sets up posters or documents for me so they look professional. Maggie Boyer and David Shanahan empowered me to write a bunch of articles on topics of interest to me. Their paper, The NG Times, connected me to this community in a way I had never experienced and, they helped me publish my first book which gave me the confidence to write a second one. Jocelyne Elliott invited me into her Grade 2 class for my Have You Hugged Your Alien? workshop and sang my praises at the parent council. The Parent Council applied for funding so I could develop three workshops to improve communication among family members. The grant was approved and I had the pleasure of meeting so many local parents and children in the process. Bev Illauq invited me to the Catholic District School Board Community Partner Day two years ago. This led to me meeting Michelle Neville who has been a great resource and liaison for me. Anita Mitra, a teacher at the Smiths Falls District High School welcomed me into her High Arts program for a half day stress management workshop with her talented students. The North Grenville Public Library who is hosting my book launch. Jim Beveridge at B&H Your Community Grocer who not only supplies the empty boxes to organize my supplies for workshops but who has also offered to display my books for sale in his store at no cost to me. Are you out of breath yet?
As an entrepreneur, you depend on people to give you a chance, to tell others about your business, to sing your praises and to refer clients to you. You also grow as a business when people use local services and help each other out. I am so grateful to live in a rural community where people promote one another and celebrate each other's successes. Thank you Kemptville for your support and encouragement! I couldn't have made it this far without you.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Friday, 3 June 2016
Yazdani
June 3rd, 2016
I don't know about you but there are lots of people out there who fear dentists. They wait until they are in severe pain before they call to schedule an appointment, when they are desperate for relief. By then, they require a root canal and their worst nightmare becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. I am fortunate that I have always had great dentists. My mother and my eldest daughter were not so lucky.
Some friends of ours recommended we try Yazdani Dentistry on Saunders street in Kemptville. I needed to find a new dentist for my daughter that was more-kid-friendly so she could lose her fear of going to the dentist's office. My eldest daughter is very sweet, kind-hearted, gentle and generous and I love her to bits but she has this thing about textures.
When I buy clothing, she doesn't like anything with a seam at the chest, it can't have an image on it with a rubber-feeling backing on the inside (too sticky), she doesn't like certain fabrics like lycra, nylon, spandex etc (too slippery), she hates being warm, she eats the same foods over and over again because they feel good in her mouth and, trying to get a toothpaste that she will actually use has been a nightmare.
She hates the taste of mint, orange, bubble gum, very berry etc. She tolerates the strawberry flavoured tooth paste but will only use a small amount. We argue more about tooth brushing and hygiene in general than anything else. I have to ask her multiple times to brush her teeth. I prepare her toothbrush otherwise she doesn't use any toothpaste and, I watch to make sure she doesn't just skim over it, 10 seconds, and spit it all out. The result of her disdain for tooth brushing is that areas at the back of her mouth get neglected. I tried rinses but they taste too strong for her. There is a cream that neutralizes acidity. It is very expensive. I bought a tube, she put some on herself the first night, gagged and immediately rushed to the towel and scraped it all off. When we go to the dentist's office, I feel embarrassed by the state of her teeth. I feel like a bad mom, like I have been neglectful. They can't know how much energy I waste fighting with her twice a day to get even minimal effort on her part.
I booked an appointment with the Yazdani office for a tour and a cleaning. My daughter and I were greeted by the hostess. The office is clean and flooded with sunlight. The hostess was very nice. She pointed out the waiting room which is filled with snacks, juice boxes and coffee and has rows of magazines plus a corner for toys.
As we walked through the office, we saw the state of the art equipment and friendly staff. We were led to one of the many stations where we waited for the dentist. I was asked to fill out paperwork. The questions were different from other offices. I had to provide the usual medical background information but they also wanted to know what was important to us and how they could make my daughter's experience as pleasant as possible. The dental hygienist asked Molly about her day and plans for the weekend. She spoke to her directly and took the time to connect with her. When her dentist, Angel, arrived, he was also pleasant and efficient. There was a television overhead so she was able to watch cartoons while they examined and cleaned her teeth. She received a welcome package and was instructed to pick a prize from the treasure box.
By the time we left there, I knew she would come willingly with me for her next appointment. We did need a follow-up appointment and that was today. I was nervous about her feeling pain during the procedure. I had forgotten the dentist's name so when Molly said her Angel was going to come and fix her teeth, I thought that was an odd comment. The dentist introduced himself as Angel and it clicked. They were going to work on the top left but Molly said her bottom left tooth was the worst. They quickly assessed the situation and focused on the tooth that was bothering her. I sat in the room and watched the entire procedure.
The dentist showed her how to use the chair massage button so she could relax during her appointment, he gave her some cool sunglasses to wear and talked to her in a caring manner. His humour and friendly demeanour helped her relax. The dental hygienist, Carley, explained what they were doing every step of the way. When it was time to numb her gums, she told her she should close her eyes because she needed to bring the light in for a closer look, that way Molly wouldn't see the needle. Later, when I asked my daughter if she had felt any pain, she assured me that she didn't. Both the dentist and the hygienist praised my daughter and encouraged her along the way. She watched the cartoon network program playing overhead and pressed the chair massage button from time to time (which she loved).
She picked a prize on her way out and we went home so she could rest while we waited for the numbness in her cheek and tongue to wear off. I was so relieved. My daughter liked the dentist's sense of humour. Molly wants to be the next Taylor Swift. When Angel heard about this he said he wanted her signature now before she got too famous. I am very happy that my daughter has lost her fear of dentists. I would highly recommend the Yazdani office for anyone wanting to feel cared for by competent, friendly professionals.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
I don't know about you but there are lots of people out there who fear dentists. They wait until they are in severe pain before they call to schedule an appointment, when they are desperate for relief. By then, they require a root canal and their worst nightmare becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. I am fortunate that I have always had great dentists. My mother and my eldest daughter were not so lucky.
Some friends of ours recommended we try Yazdani Dentistry on Saunders street in Kemptville. I needed to find a new dentist for my daughter that was more-kid-friendly so she could lose her fear of going to the dentist's office. My eldest daughter is very sweet, kind-hearted, gentle and generous and I love her to bits but she has this thing about textures.
When I buy clothing, she doesn't like anything with a seam at the chest, it can't have an image on it with a rubber-feeling backing on the inside (too sticky), she doesn't like certain fabrics like lycra, nylon, spandex etc (too slippery), she hates being warm, she eats the same foods over and over again because they feel good in her mouth and, trying to get a toothpaste that she will actually use has been a nightmare.
She hates the taste of mint, orange, bubble gum, very berry etc. She tolerates the strawberry flavoured tooth paste but will only use a small amount. We argue more about tooth brushing and hygiene in general than anything else. I have to ask her multiple times to brush her teeth. I prepare her toothbrush otherwise she doesn't use any toothpaste and, I watch to make sure she doesn't just skim over it, 10 seconds, and spit it all out. The result of her disdain for tooth brushing is that areas at the back of her mouth get neglected. I tried rinses but they taste too strong for her. There is a cream that neutralizes acidity. It is very expensive. I bought a tube, she put some on herself the first night, gagged and immediately rushed to the towel and scraped it all off. When we go to the dentist's office, I feel embarrassed by the state of her teeth. I feel like a bad mom, like I have been neglectful. They can't know how much energy I waste fighting with her twice a day to get even minimal effort on her part.
I booked an appointment with the Yazdani office for a tour and a cleaning. My daughter and I were greeted by the hostess. The office is clean and flooded with sunlight. The hostess was very nice. She pointed out the waiting room which is filled with snacks, juice boxes and coffee and has rows of magazines plus a corner for toys.
As we walked through the office, we saw the state of the art equipment and friendly staff. We were led to one of the many stations where we waited for the dentist. I was asked to fill out paperwork. The questions were different from other offices. I had to provide the usual medical background information but they also wanted to know what was important to us and how they could make my daughter's experience as pleasant as possible. The dental hygienist asked Molly about her day and plans for the weekend. She spoke to her directly and took the time to connect with her. When her dentist, Angel, arrived, he was also pleasant and efficient. There was a television overhead so she was able to watch cartoons while they examined and cleaned her teeth. She received a welcome package and was instructed to pick a prize from the treasure box.
By the time we left there, I knew she would come willingly with me for her next appointment. We did need a follow-up appointment and that was today. I was nervous about her feeling pain during the procedure. I had forgotten the dentist's name so when Molly said her Angel was going to come and fix her teeth, I thought that was an odd comment. The dentist introduced himself as Angel and it clicked. They were going to work on the top left but Molly said her bottom left tooth was the worst. They quickly assessed the situation and focused on the tooth that was bothering her. I sat in the room and watched the entire procedure.
The dentist showed her how to use the chair massage button so she could relax during her appointment, he gave her some cool sunglasses to wear and talked to her in a caring manner. His humour and friendly demeanour helped her relax. The dental hygienist, Carley, explained what they were doing every step of the way. When it was time to numb her gums, she told her she should close her eyes because she needed to bring the light in for a closer look, that way Molly wouldn't see the needle. Later, when I asked my daughter if she had felt any pain, she assured me that she didn't. Both the dentist and the hygienist praised my daughter and encouraged her along the way. She watched the cartoon network program playing overhead and pressed the chair massage button from time to time (which she loved).
She picked a prize on her way out and we went home so she could rest while we waited for the numbness in her cheek and tongue to wear off. I was so relieved. My daughter liked the dentist's sense of humour. Molly wants to be the next Taylor Swift. When Angel heard about this he said he wanted her signature now before she got too famous. I am very happy that my daughter has lost her fear of dentists. I would highly recommend the Yazdani office for anyone wanting to feel cared for by competent, friendly professionals.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Thursday, 2 June 2016
Book of the Week-The Abundance Code
June 2nd, 2016
I have just finished reading The Abundance Code by Julie Ann Cairns. She was one of the Hay House authors I listened to during the Hay House Summit. I was impressed with her interview, it really made me think so I decided to order her book.
The book's chapters dispel myths about money. Julie talks about the many myths we are taught as children and the impact they have on our success and happiness as we grow into adulthood. Her goal is to create doubt so the reader can stop believing in the myth and rewrite his or her own beliefs.
I examined some of my favourite moments growing up. None of them really had to do with money. I loved going to the beach, visiting my aunt Louise and going to my Grandmother's home in the country. Then I was asked to list some of my lowest moments. These were all times when I felt cut off from my loved ones like the year I spent in Montreal, studying and looking for work. I was broke and no one would hire me because I wasn't from Montreal. All my references were from Ottawa. I was in an amazing city with so many things to do but I couldn't afford to do them. I didn't know anyone and felt very lonely. What these two exercises did were outline how being in nature and feeling connected to others promoted wellness and joy while feeling isolated made really sad.
Next, I had to figure out how to associate wealth with what I love while imagining how money could help me avoid what I hate. If money was no object, I would go away each winter, somewhere warm and enjoy quality time with my family. We would travel a lot, learn about different cultures and taste different food.
The author compares roommates who are the same age and make comparable incomes. One was raised in a wealthy home and the other one wasn't. She explains their different approaches to every day life. I was shocked to see how similar my habits were to the roommate who grew up poor. I never carry big amounts of money and prefer using debit for purchases. The roommate who was raised in a wealthy family always carried a wad of cash with her because that felt normal to her. I am always paranoid when I have cash that I will lose it. It stresses me out.
Julie does a good job at illustrating how we learn to compete for what we perceive to be limited resources even though we live in a world of abundance. She shows us how we learn to see money as a reward for hard work, something we earned by working for a long time. She pointed out that many of us are able to make money but we can't hold onto it because we don't feel worthy of it. She asks what we do with our money-spend or invest?
I hadn't really thought about it but I do have some money I could invest. It's not that much but she says it doesn't need to be a big amount. Usually, when I get money, I spend it on my loved ones. I go out and buy stuff that I know people have wanted for some time but couldn't afford. I pay for experiences like sending my husband to the Rock N Roll hall of fame or getting the girls registered in a gymnastics class.
If I spend money on myself it's usually to complete a project I have been working on, like getting my book printed or paying someone to film my workshops. I like to see a tangible result. The other thing I spend money on is food. I keep our fridge full of food we love. It's a love and safety thing for me, an act of self-care to keep the provisions fully stocked. Growing up, my mother didn't make much money so our fridge was often bare. I don't want my daughters to ever feel hungry and helpless to do anything about it.
This book is an excellent tool because it shows you how each myth plays out in your life, then helps you change your perception about money so that you are feeling more positive about it. In the last chapter, you pick your most challenging beliefs about money and replace them with positive affirmations then you replace old habits with new behaviours. I am much more aware of the ways I sabotage my own success by either giving my services away or undercutting myself, always working harder than I have to because it's what I feel I have to do to earn and deserve money. I strongly urge anyone who is working hard and not getting ahead to read this book.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
I have just finished reading The Abundance Code by Julie Ann Cairns. She was one of the Hay House authors I listened to during the Hay House Summit. I was impressed with her interview, it really made me think so I decided to order her book.
The book's chapters dispel myths about money. Julie talks about the many myths we are taught as children and the impact they have on our success and happiness as we grow into adulthood. Her goal is to create doubt so the reader can stop believing in the myth and rewrite his or her own beliefs.
I examined some of my favourite moments growing up. None of them really had to do with money. I loved going to the beach, visiting my aunt Louise and going to my Grandmother's home in the country. Then I was asked to list some of my lowest moments. These were all times when I felt cut off from my loved ones like the year I spent in Montreal, studying and looking for work. I was broke and no one would hire me because I wasn't from Montreal. All my references were from Ottawa. I was in an amazing city with so many things to do but I couldn't afford to do them. I didn't know anyone and felt very lonely. What these two exercises did were outline how being in nature and feeling connected to others promoted wellness and joy while feeling isolated made really sad.
Next, I had to figure out how to associate wealth with what I love while imagining how money could help me avoid what I hate. If money was no object, I would go away each winter, somewhere warm and enjoy quality time with my family. We would travel a lot, learn about different cultures and taste different food.
The author compares roommates who are the same age and make comparable incomes. One was raised in a wealthy home and the other one wasn't. She explains their different approaches to every day life. I was shocked to see how similar my habits were to the roommate who grew up poor. I never carry big amounts of money and prefer using debit for purchases. The roommate who was raised in a wealthy family always carried a wad of cash with her because that felt normal to her. I am always paranoid when I have cash that I will lose it. It stresses me out.
Julie does a good job at illustrating how we learn to compete for what we perceive to be limited resources even though we live in a world of abundance. She shows us how we learn to see money as a reward for hard work, something we earned by working for a long time. She pointed out that many of us are able to make money but we can't hold onto it because we don't feel worthy of it. She asks what we do with our money-spend or invest?
I hadn't really thought about it but I do have some money I could invest. It's not that much but she says it doesn't need to be a big amount. Usually, when I get money, I spend it on my loved ones. I go out and buy stuff that I know people have wanted for some time but couldn't afford. I pay for experiences like sending my husband to the Rock N Roll hall of fame or getting the girls registered in a gymnastics class.
If I spend money on myself it's usually to complete a project I have been working on, like getting my book printed or paying someone to film my workshops. I like to see a tangible result. The other thing I spend money on is food. I keep our fridge full of food we love. It's a love and safety thing for me, an act of self-care to keep the provisions fully stocked. Growing up, my mother didn't make much money so our fridge was often bare. I don't want my daughters to ever feel hungry and helpless to do anything about it.
This book is an excellent tool because it shows you how each myth plays out in your life, then helps you change your perception about money so that you are feeling more positive about it. In the last chapter, you pick your most challenging beliefs about money and replace them with positive affirmations then you replace old habits with new behaviours. I am much more aware of the ways I sabotage my own success by either giving my services away or undercutting myself, always working harder than I have to because it's what I feel I have to do to earn and deserve money. I strongly urge anyone who is working hard and not getting ahead to read this book.
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
Wednesday, 1 June 2016
Steven Vincent Walsh-Biography
June 1st, 2016
As promised, here is the biography that was gathered over weeks of interviews with my husband, Vincent Walsh.
Vincent was born and raised in Mill Hill, London but his happiest times were in Edgware. He described his mother, Patricia Rosemary Walsh as feisty, funny, anxious, insecure and needy. His father, Edmund Christopher Walsh was creative, violent, mystical, angry and selfish.
Vincent is the eldest of five children. His sister Tracy is considered the most "normal" of the five. Lesley is a self-destructive alcoholic tortured by her relationship with her father. Daryl is a very funny, sweet, emotional guy who was torn into a thousand little pieces. Shelley is emotionally volatile, utterly selfish and given to horrendous mood swings.
As a child, Vincent was secretive and self-protective. "I lived in my own world, created by me. I looked for safety in my grandma's arms. I felt separated from the rest of the family on every level. I wondered what I was doing there most of the time". His favourite activities as a child were being in nature, going to the woods at his Aunt Catherine's house. He also loved getting lost in the woods behind his own home.
When I asked Vincent to share a story about his childhood, this is what he described:
"Every weekend I was released into the warm glow of my grandmother's care. Usually we would take the green line bus from outside of her flat in Edgware all the way down the Edgware road and into the centre of London. We would shop, eat, watch movies and revel in each other's company, the age between us being immaterial. Her flat was always warm and there was always delicious food to eat. Those weekends were what I lived for".
Vincent's home life while growing up was cold, violent, undisciplined and unpredictable. There was very little food and a depressing atmosphere that came from a mixture of fear and neglect. "There was constant fighting between my mother and father whenever he was around, after the fighting he would usually leave and, a little while later, she would find herself pregnant once again. Quite often I would see my mother with at least a black eye and some bruising. My mom slept late into the day even when we were young kids and I believe she was depressed at that time. We moved fairly often but it usually improved (houses and area) when we did".
"School offered me a respite from the calamities at home. I didn't like it that much. To me it seemed slow and pointless but somehow I was good at it. So good in fact that, in my second year of secondary school, two of my teachers perceived the damage that home life was inflicting on me and offered me a scholarship at a private school which I refused mostly because I felt that I stood out enough as it was already and, at a private school in London in 1969, I would have been the object of ridicule. As much for my undisciplined upbringing and my obvious working class roots. So I stayed where I was unwillingly and tolerated the mayhem until the soonest possible moment that I could escape both school and home".
During Vin's teen life, "London was evolving from decades of repression, sexually and socially and, the newfound morals of my generation were at utter odds to the ones that came before as it is with most generations and with good reason. Music, fashion and hairstyles, which were all closely intertwined at this point, was like total catnip to me. There were a few head turning acts at this time. But, none had the shock value, charisma, raw sexuality and talent of David Bowie. The added bonus was that my mother utterly hated him on sight thereby cementing my adoration and lifelong fanaticism. My personal rebellion was more in the form of doing everything and anything I could to be absolutely nothing like my family. This meant working and having a dream with a path attached to it which I follow to this day".
When it came time to choose a career, Vincent explains that: "At the end of the 60s and into the early 70s, the irresistible combined forces of the genius of Vidal Sassoon and the visceral pull of David Bowie left me unable to resist. Within them I found a nexus of freedom, creativity and rebellion that unlocked me. I became a hairstylist in 1972 and it has been the glue that held together my sometimes wobbly existence. It has provided me with food, clothing and shelter, stereophonic sound and technicolor daydreams. I owe far more to it than it ill ever owe to me. I have never been bored yet remain almost always mildly frustrated".
As a young adult, Vincent's aspirations were as follows:"I dreamed of being an astronaut first when I was 12 after staying up all night to watch Neil Armstrong land on the moon which, for me of course, was never going to happen. After I had been abducted by Bowie and Sassoon, my path became clearer and so did my dreams. I wanted to build a life on the foundation of working as much as possible and travelling every chance I got. I wanted to flee the sinking ship that was mid-70s England-crewed by my family. My first thought was South Africa but the widespread social violence of apartheid was too daunting. Then my thoughts roamed to Australia but it was simply too far away. Then, Canada...
Next, I asked Vincent about his love life. It was weird to hear him describe our relationship. "I first met my wife when she came and sat in my chair. I was deep in the weeds of feeling sorry for myself after a disorienting long-term relationship with a serial bolster and I was still licking my wounds so I resisted a very strong urge to ask her out on a date which I overcame with confidence a few months later". I listened intently as Vincent talked about our wedding day. "It had rained for almost two solid weeks leading up to the wedding day. Everything was drenched, wet and cold. The ceremony was due to be performed in the morning of Sunday, August the 15th, at a beautiful victorian farm house. As providence would have it the skies cleared the day before and the sun shone making everything absolutely perfect. This may have something to do with the French tradition of hanging a rosary on the washing line for good weather which worked like magic. It was slightly surreal in its perfection. After the short but delicate and beautiful ceremony, we socially lubricated our 55 guests with much champagne while we went off and had our pictures taken. The whole affair was sublime, gentle and perfect. So much so that we both agreed-wouldn't it be great if we could do it all again?
Our honeymoon was carefree days and nights at the Chateau Montebello where we ate and drank to our heart's content and thought about our future. Neither of us could comprehend at that moment. It remains set in stone as the bedrock four our lives. It will never be less than it was. My wife came to me in the early hours of the morning one day telling me that she had taken pregnancy test and that she was indeed pregnant. My response was a very excited: 'Show me!'.
Becoming a parent made me aware of how selfish I had been before having children and the almost overwhelming changes that would have to occur if I was going to become the parent I wanted to be. Becoming a parent emotionally brought me to my knees and I had to learn again how to stand then walk then run. I had never felt the depth of feelings that I have felt for my children and that scared the living daylights out of me. They are my world and I live for and through them. Only when I remembered what it was like to be child did I know how to become a man".
Vin's fondest memories of that time in his life: "The most powerful thing was in the first year, watching a new human being adapt and grow to the world around them, seeing a child take the first steps, eating new food and learning how to communicate were remarkable on a level I had never experienced before. It grabbed me by the heart and by the brain and didn't let go". I asked Vincent was he was most proud of regarding his parenting. "The learned ability to leave behind what had happened to me and try and give the children a chance in life that I'd never had, to hope". Asked what he would do differently..."I have to say that's a loaded question because of the experiences I have both from my childhood and early adulthood, I have plenty of scar tissue that I couldn't hide any longer but I realized that everything that happened to me led me to where I am today. So, in conclusion, I wouldn't change a thing, no regrets, only memories".
Vin describes his biggest accomplishment in life as: "Staying alive, learning, growing, facing and overcoming obstacles, being a father and a husband, learning who I was and enjoying life". His only regrets in life are: "I wanted to be an astronaut and a rock star, the rest is still up for grabs". I asked my husband if he is satisfied with his life so far. His response was: " Satisfied is not a descriptive enough term in my opinion. I am leaning more towards happy and delighted. It seems to me there is a smugness in 'satisfaction' and that is not what I am feeling".
The only thing Vincent would like to change about his current life is that he'd like to live in a warm climate "anytime now please"! I asked Vincent how he felt about aging. "The fact that my father died at 41 coloured my view before and after I reached that age. Before 41 I was terrified that the same fate would befall me. Leading away from it, every day became a gift and irreplaceable. But, in the words of someone much older and wiser than me, 'Everything I have two of, one of them hurts', that's aging.
There have been many teachers in my life. Some of them have inadvertently given me survival skills but only one cherished and nurtured me when I needed it the most and that was my paternal grandmother, Mary, whom I still miss to this day and I always will.
I have a really close friendship with a friend of mine, David, who was tortured and abused horribly by his father. It took us almost the entire course of our 50+ year relationship to come to terms with the abuse and to learn to talk about it with each other which was a great relief to both of us and cemented our relationship even further.
Another friend of mine is Lawrence. We've been friends for over 30 years. He has a 6 year old daughter which made him really shine in the past few years. He knows a lot of my shadows and he still chooses to be a friend of mine-I like that, that to me is cool. I don't seek out new friendships generally, I prefer them to happen organically whenever possible but I've recently embraced a friendship with someone who has all the hallmarks for the long haul. Welcome aboard, Daniel, Brother"!
Vincent reflected on the turning points in his life. "First one I think would have to be leaving school. It was a monotonous torture, doled out with violent military precision by former WW2 officers masquerading as teachers. The next would be leaving England for Canada on my own with not even a clue of what I was doing or where I was going. Opening up my first business and swopping out tyrannical overlord status was up next. A failed marriage to humble me and a happy one to reward me. The children were the cherry, the icing-and the cream filling all wrapped up in one".
What lessons would Vincent like to communicate to the next generation? "Don't worry so much. Problems come and problems go. Love is forever. Worry is temporary. Eat the dessert, drink the wine, jump in the ocean, one day you won't be able to do those things and you'll wish you had. Remember, memories-no regrets. I'd like to be remembered for trying and eventually succeeding to live life on my own terms. For being the best father and husband that I could possibly be and seeing the rewards in another generation".
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
As promised, here is the biography that was gathered over weeks of interviews with my husband, Vincent Walsh.
Vincent was born and raised in Mill Hill, London but his happiest times were in Edgware. He described his mother, Patricia Rosemary Walsh as feisty, funny, anxious, insecure and needy. His father, Edmund Christopher Walsh was creative, violent, mystical, angry and selfish.
Vincent is the eldest of five children. His sister Tracy is considered the most "normal" of the five. Lesley is a self-destructive alcoholic tortured by her relationship with her father. Daryl is a very funny, sweet, emotional guy who was torn into a thousand little pieces. Shelley is emotionally volatile, utterly selfish and given to horrendous mood swings.
As a child, Vincent was secretive and self-protective. "I lived in my own world, created by me. I looked for safety in my grandma's arms. I felt separated from the rest of the family on every level. I wondered what I was doing there most of the time". His favourite activities as a child were being in nature, going to the woods at his Aunt Catherine's house. He also loved getting lost in the woods behind his own home.
When I asked Vincent to share a story about his childhood, this is what he described:
"Every weekend I was released into the warm glow of my grandmother's care. Usually we would take the green line bus from outside of her flat in Edgware all the way down the Edgware road and into the centre of London. We would shop, eat, watch movies and revel in each other's company, the age between us being immaterial. Her flat was always warm and there was always delicious food to eat. Those weekends were what I lived for".
Vincent's home life while growing up was cold, violent, undisciplined and unpredictable. There was very little food and a depressing atmosphere that came from a mixture of fear and neglect. "There was constant fighting between my mother and father whenever he was around, after the fighting he would usually leave and, a little while later, she would find herself pregnant once again. Quite often I would see my mother with at least a black eye and some bruising. My mom slept late into the day even when we were young kids and I believe she was depressed at that time. We moved fairly often but it usually improved (houses and area) when we did".
"School offered me a respite from the calamities at home. I didn't like it that much. To me it seemed slow and pointless but somehow I was good at it. So good in fact that, in my second year of secondary school, two of my teachers perceived the damage that home life was inflicting on me and offered me a scholarship at a private school which I refused mostly because I felt that I stood out enough as it was already and, at a private school in London in 1969, I would have been the object of ridicule. As much for my undisciplined upbringing and my obvious working class roots. So I stayed where I was unwillingly and tolerated the mayhem until the soonest possible moment that I could escape both school and home".
During Vin's teen life, "London was evolving from decades of repression, sexually and socially and, the newfound morals of my generation were at utter odds to the ones that came before as it is with most generations and with good reason. Music, fashion and hairstyles, which were all closely intertwined at this point, was like total catnip to me. There were a few head turning acts at this time. But, none had the shock value, charisma, raw sexuality and talent of David Bowie. The added bonus was that my mother utterly hated him on sight thereby cementing my adoration and lifelong fanaticism. My personal rebellion was more in the form of doing everything and anything I could to be absolutely nothing like my family. This meant working and having a dream with a path attached to it which I follow to this day".
When it came time to choose a career, Vincent explains that: "At the end of the 60s and into the early 70s, the irresistible combined forces of the genius of Vidal Sassoon and the visceral pull of David Bowie left me unable to resist. Within them I found a nexus of freedom, creativity and rebellion that unlocked me. I became a hairstylist in 1972 and it has been the glue that held together my sometimes wobbly existence. It has provided me with food, clothing and shelter, stereophonic sound and technicolor daydreams. I owe far more to it than it ill ever owe to me. I have never been bored yet remain almost always mildly frustrated".
As a young adult, Vincent's aspirations were as follows:"I dreamed of being an astronaut first when I was 12 after staying up all night to watch Neil Armstrong land on the moon which, for me of course, was never going to happen. After I had been abducted by Bowie and Sassoon, my path became clearer and so did my dreams. I wanted to build a life on the foundation of working as much as possible and travelling every chance I got. I wanted to flee the sinking ship that was mid-70s England-crewed by my family. My first thought was South Africa but the widespread social violence of apartheid was too daunting. Then my thoughts roamed to Australia but it was simply too far away. Then, Canada...
Next, I asked Vincent about his love life. It was weird to hear him describe our relationship. "I first met my wife when she came and sat in my chair. I was deep in the weeds of feeling sorry for myself after a disorienting long-term relationship with a serial bolster and I was still licking my wounds so I resisted a very strong urge to ask her out on a date which I overcame with confidence a few months later". I listened intently as Vincent talked about our wedding day. "It had rained for almost two solid weeks leading up to the wedding day. Everything was drenched, wet and cold. The ceremony was due to be performed in the morning of Sunday, August the 15th, at a beautiful victorian farm house. As providence would have it the skies cleared the day before and the sun shone making everything absolutely perfect. This may have something to do with the French tradition of hanging a rosary on the washing line for good weather which worked like magic. It was slightly surreal in its perfection. After the short but delicate and beautiful ceremony, we socially lubricated our 55 guests with much champagne while we went off and had our pictures taken. The whole affair was sublime, gentle and perfect. So much so that we both agreed-wouldn't it be great if we could do it all again?
Our honeymoon was carefree days and nights at the Chateau Montebello where we ate and drank to our heart's content and thought about our future. Neither of us could comprehend at that moment. It remains set in stone as the bedrock four our lives. It will never be less than it was. My wife came to me in the early hours of the morning one day telling me that she had taken pregnancy test and that she was indeed pregnant. My response was a very excited: 'Show me!'.
Becoming a parent made me aware of how selfish I had been before having children and the almost overwhelming changes that would have to occur if I was going to become the parent I wanted to be. Becoming a parent emotionally brought me to my knees and I had to learn again how to stand then walk then run. I had never felt the depth of feelings that I have felt for my children and that scared the living daylights out of me. They are my world and I live for and through them. Only when I remembered what it was like to be child did I know how to become a man".
Vin's fondest memories of that time in his life: "The most powerful thing was in the first year, watching a new human being adapt and grow to the world around them, seeing a child take the first steps, eating new food and learning how to communicate were remarkable on a level I had never experienced before. It grabbed me by the heart and by the brain and didn't let go". I asked Vincent was he was most proud of regarding his parenting. "The learned ability to leave behind what had happened to me and try and give the children a chance in life that I'd never had, to hope". Asked what he would do differently..."I have to say that's a loaded question because of the experiences I have both from my childhood and early adulthood, I have plenty of scar tissue that I couldn't hide any longer but I realized that everything that happened to me led me to where I am today. So, in conclusion, I wouldn't change a thing, no regrets, only memories".
Vin describes his biggest accomplishment in life as: "Staying alive, learning, growing, facing and overcoming obstacles, being a father and a husband, learning who I was and enjoying life". His only regrets in life are: "I wanted to be an astronaut and a rock star, the rest is still up for grabs". I asked my husband if he is satisfied with his life so far. His response was: " Satisfied is not a descriptive enough term in my opinion. I am leaning more towards happy and delighted. It seems to me there is a smugness in 'satisfaction' and that is not what I am feeling".
The only thing Vincent would like to change about his current life is that he'd like to live in a warm climate "anytime now please"! I asked Vincent how he felt about aging. "The fact that my father died at 41 coloured my view before and after I reached that age. Before 41 I was terrified that the same fate would befall me. Leading away from it, every day became a gift and irreplaceable. But, in the words of someone much older and wiser than me, 'Everything I have two of, one of them hurts', that's aging.
There have been many teachers in my life. Some of them have inadvertently given me survival skills but only one cherished and nurtured me when I needed it the most and that was my paternal grandmother, Mary, whom I still miss to this day and I always will.
I have a really close friendship with a friend of mine, David, who was tortured and abused horribly by his father. It took us almost the entire course of our 50+ year relationship to come to terms with the abuse and to learn to talk about it with each other which was a great relief to both of us and cemented our relationship even further.
Another friend of mine is Lawrence. We've been friends for over 30 years. He has a 6 year old daughter which made him really shine in the past few years. He knows a lot of my shadows and he still chooses to be a friend of mine-I like that, that to me is cool. I don't seek out new friendships generally, I prefer them to happen organically whenever possible but I've recently embraced a friendship with someone who has all the hallmarks for the long haul. Welcome aboard, Daniel, Brother"!
Vincent reflected on the turning points in his life. "First one I think would have to be leaving school. It was a monotonous torture, doled out with violent military precision by former WW2 officers masquerading as teachers. The next would be leaving England for Canada on my own with not even a clue of what I was doing or where I was going. Opening up my first business and swopping out tyrannical overlord status was up next. A failed marriage to humble me and a happy one to reward me. The children were the cherry, the icing-and the cream filling all wrapped up in one".
What lessons would Vincent like to communicate to the next generation? "Don't worry so much. Problems come and problems go. Love is forever. Worry is temporary. Eat the dessert, drink the wine, jump in the ocean, one day you won't be able to do those things and you'll wish you had. Remember, memories-no regrets. I'd like to be remembered for trying and eventually succeeding to live life on my own terms. For being the best father and husband that I could possibly be and seeing the rewards in another generation".
Anne Walsh
www.artnsoul.org
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